Pet Names So Ugly They're Cute

Long in our category of so-far-out-it-will-always-be-out category, once seen as a gum-cracking 1940's telephone operator, we think it's time to reassess Myrtle, and look at is as a nature name, a plant with pink or white aromatic berries. Ruled by Venus, myrtle is a plant associated with love, peace, fertility and youth.

Blanche, which originated as a nickname for a pale blonde and then became associated with the notion of purity, was in style a century ago, ranking in the double digits until 1920. She then had to fight the stereotype of faded Southern belle, a la Blanche DuBois in Tennessee Williams's A Streetcar Named Desire and Blanche Devereaux in TV's Golden Girls. Now all three of the Golden Girls--Blanche, Rose and Dorothy--could be ready for revival, with Blanche sounding like a stronger, simpler alternative to Bianca.

Edwina may still be taking tea in the parlor, but we can see her joining friends like Matilda and Josephine for a comeback, especially if pronounced like Edwin rather than Edween.

Could cute nickname Gertie, remembered as cute five-year-old Drew Barrymore in E.T., revive the long shunned Gertrude?

Ever since the enormous German cannon was dubbed by Allied soldiers "Big Bertha" in World War I, this name hasn't worked for a sweet little baby girl. But this was not always so. Hard as it might be to imagine now, Bertha was a Top 100 name until the 1930s, and in the 1880s was the seventh most popular name in the land--the equal of Joseph.

Named after Isaac. Or Wayne.

Though modern parents seeking to honor an ancestor named Thelma might opt for the airier Thea instead, Thelma is starting to make its way back onto adventurous vintage name lovers' radars. It is currently experiencing a modest revival in France, where it now ranks around the #300 mark.

Out playing shuffleboard at his condo and not expected back for several generations -- unless it morphs into a girls' name, a la Sydney.

Its jaunty o-ending makes this name more appealing than most of its Germanic brothers, and we hope we're beyond the constant response to his name being "Where's Waldo?" The weighty reputation of writer and philosopher Ralph Waldo Emerson adds a measure of backbone to the name.

Hortense is actually the French feminine form of Hortensia, the name of a strong, politically active early Roman woman. Hortense began to be used in the English-speaking world in the nineteenth century. Napoleon had a stepdaughter named Hortense, it was the name of one of the main characters in the film Secrets and Lies and is also associated with novelist Hortense Calisher. As unappealing as it might be to most American parents, Hortense is now Number 155 in France (as of 2021).

Ebenezer is the name of a biblical place --the stone set up by Samuel to mark his victory over the Philistines--rather than a person. It was adopted by the British Puritans as a first name and then exported to America, where it had some early popularity, even entering the Top 1000 in the 1880s.

Ethereal combination of Arden and Edith, with a sweet naturey meaning.

An aromatic, unconventional name.

Eustace was originally popularized by St. Eustace, who was born a Norman nobleman and is said to have been converted to Christianity by seeing a crucifix between the antlers of the deer he was hunting. It was introduced to England by the Normans, and can be found in medieval legend. In literature the name appears in the person of Eustace Clarence Scrubb in C. S. Lewis's The Chronicles of Narnia.
The image of Eustace today is as sedate and stuffy as the monocled Eustace Tilly character on The New Yorker magazine covers. Its diminutive Stacy became a unisex hit.

A super diminutive nickname name, and sometime Madonna nickname – it was how the British tabloids referred to her when she moved to London in the 1990s, which she found annoying until then husband Guy Ritchie said it stood for 'Your Majesty'. Madge Undersee is Katniss's best friend in The Hunger Games books.

Rarely heard, and when it is, usually attached to a witch. Historically, though, Wanda was a legendary eighth century queen of Poland, and in literature it is the central character of Ouida's eponymous novel Wanda. A musical namesake is the great Polish harpsichordist Wanda Landowska.

Egbert still suffers somewhat from being used as a stereotypical name for nerds and aristocrats. It would be a surprising choice, but with its edgy meaning and dusty charm, possibly it's so beyond cool that it's...actually kind of cool?

Son of Irving.

A medieval German saint's name which remained popular in Germany until the middle of the 20th century. It is still in relatively wide use in other European countries, including Poland and Hungary. With other Bert names – like Robert and Albert and even Gilbert – appealing to lovers of strong, traditional boy names with a slightly clunky charm, Norbert could be one of those so-out-it's-in choices that everyone knows, but almost no one is using.

An ancient German saint's name – and most famously the name of Harry Potter's snowy owl – but the combination of "head" plus "wig" feels a little too literal in English.