How to Calm a Crying Baby
There are lots of articles, books, products, and videos that promise to teach you how to calm a crying baby. Many of them work…sometimes.
And then there are those times when nothing seems to work, no matter how many crazy things you try. Here’s a minute-by-minute playbook of those real-life times:
2:01 P.M. Baby goes down for nap. Husband takes 3-year-old and dog to park so you can rest. House completely quiet for first time since baby was born.
2:03 Baby starts crying. You calmly and gently pick her up and say in a soft, soothing voice, “It’s okay, sweetie. Mommy’s here.”
2:05 Hold her firmly against your body, rocking to bring up any uncomfortable air bubbles.
2:07 While supporting her with your left hand, tenderly rub her back with your right hand.
2:18 Walk around the house with an exaggerated bounce, singing Patsy Cline’s “Crazy.”
2:22 Walk faster.
2:25 Sing louder.
2:31 Finally locate one of the 36 pacifiers strategically placed around the house, which baby immediately spits out of reach behind the sofa.
2:33 Scream “Honey!” Then remember the park. What made him think he was doing you a favor?
2:34 Time to nurse!
2:59 Still nursing.
3:27 Still nursing.
3:32 Though your breast is still technically in her mouth, the baby is lightly snoring and lies heavily, maybe even sleepily in your arms.
3:39 Lean impossibly far over until you reach the pacifier behind the sofa. Pop it in your own mouth for a second to wash it, then maneuver it into position three inches from baby’s still-suckling mouth.
3:41 Simultaneously remove your breast from her mouth and pop in pacifier. Success!
3:44 Holding breath, tiptoe to crib and set baby down in one gentle, seamless motion. Exhale. She cries.
3:45 Decide that this time you’re really going to tough it out. Letting her cry will make you a good mother, not a bad one! Leave the nursery with your heart full of resolve. Cower outside the door.
3:46 Note how long you’ve let her cry. A baby shouldn’t be left to cry alone for more than 10 or 15 minutes. Time passes. She’s crying so hard she might choke! She’ll need years of psychotherapy!
3:46:38 Rush to crib.
3:47 Maybe she’s wet. She’s not, but changing seems to calm her down. Build on it. Give here a sponge bath; dress her; groom all five hairs.
4:11 As soon as you snap the last snap, she poops. A huge one. Despite the mess, you’re relieved. This must be what made her wail.
4:27 She’s clean, dressed—time for a walk! Sure enough, as soon as that carriage starts bumping along the sidewalk, she’s serene. You stop and buy a magazine and head home to sit quietly, baby sleeping at your side, in the yard.
4:56 Park the carriage in the shade, start to lower yourself into a chair. As you hit the seat, she wails.
4:58 Walk, walk, walk. Rock, rock, rock. Stop. Screams.
5:07 Go inside. Walk, walk, walk. Rock, rock, rock. Stop. Screams.
5:14 Go to basement. Put crying baby in infant seat atop dryer. Turn dryer on. Baby’s more cheerful than she’s been all day. Until you pick up infant seat.
5:26 Carry crying baby upstairs in infant seat. Set seat with baby on floor and begin to vacuum. Baby calms. Turn off vacuum. Screams.
5:37 Sink to floor, start sobbing yourself.
5:38 In midsob, realize baby is quiet. She’s smiling! She chortles at a light patch on the ceiling.
5:39 Lie on floor beside baby seat and breathe deeply in the silence.
5:40 The door opens. Husband, child, and dog are home. Husband, “exhausted,” needs some “alone time.” Child “wants Mommy.” Dog barks. Baby smiles, sighs, and falls asleep.
Nameberry recommends:
When nothing else works, Nameberry readers recommend these products that may help soothe your baby to sleep:
The My Brest Friend Nursing Pillow comes recommended by one Nameberry mom, who says, “This is the best money I spent on anything breastfeeding related. It clips on, so you can get up and adjust things without dropping the pillow. It has a pocket to keep a snack or your phone, and it is really comfy and easy to clean. Because it goes all the way around, your back gets supported too.” Buy from Amazon, about $40.
Night Pacifier
MAM glow-in-the-dark pacifiers are made for infants under six months and are best for breast-fed babies. Orthodontic nipples help healthy development of baby’s mouth. Buy two for $6 from Amazon.
The Lulla Doll is a soft toy that replicates the sounds of the womb — heartbeat and breathing — to calm your baby all night long. While it’s price-y — about $85 on Amazon — and the Lulla doesn’t work for every baby, many parents swear by it and claim it’s soothing for children from newborn to toddler. Buy from Amazon, about $85.