You have to be pretty darn cool to name your kid Hortense, cool in that I-like-it-and-I-don't-care-what-the-world-thinks kind of way. Except you're not the one who's going to have to deal with having the name Hortense when you play soccer. You're not the one who's going to have to introduce yourself as Hortense to boys at parties. In fact, if you think it's so cool, maybe you should change your own name to Hortense rather than laying it on a poor little kid. The point: While we can appreciate the contrarian cool inherent in these clunky names, we fear that few children at this point in time are cool enough actually to live with them.