When did you and your partner start talking about baby names?

My husband and I talked about names on our first date.

Me being me, that might not seem so surprising. But it was years before Beyond Jennifer & Jason, and in those pre-internet days my name nerdism was still in the closet.

What was meaningful, I think, is that our baby name discussion signaled we took each other and our relationship seriously.

Which may be exactly why some couples don’t talk about names until they’re expecting a baby or (this is hard to imagine, but maybe it’s true?) the child is actually born.  Honey, we forgot to name the baby!

So when did you and your partner first talk about baby names?

What sparked the discussion, and what did you say?   Did you learn anything about each other or your relationship in the process?

Details, please!

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34 Responses to “When did you and your partner start talking about baby names?”

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bonovox Says:

September 24th, 2013 at 11:01 pm

I just started dating a guy I’ve known for a few years, so he knows I’m a hardcore name nerd, but nobody is allowed to see my name list-it’s sacred to me… which is weird but I can own it on this site. I’ll probably bring up some of my favourites as things progress…we shall see 🙂

ruolan Says:

September 24th, 2013 at 11:12 pm

I’ve been married for four years. In general, I’m not allowed to talk about it unless its a vague conversation about an actual person’s name… this rule flies out the window once we’re ready to start a family though!

seanic21 Says:

September 25th, 2013 at 12:10 am

Hubby and I met first week of college and within six months we were picking out our future pets’ names and even our daughter’s name. I don’t remember how the conversation started but when I told him I had a short list of girl’s names for future consideration he immediately liked the only family name on my list.

The fact that he did not a) laugh in my face b) run screaming from the room or c) tell me that we could only talk about names when I was actually pregnant was a huge neon sign that he was a keeper!

Our daughter, Gwyneth, was born six years later, followed by brothers Beckett and Archer, names that we both agree would never, ever have made it onto a list of boys names in our college days, funny how your tastes can change!

sarahmezz Says:

September 25th, 2013 at 1:23 am

Probably after we got engaged. We had decided to try for a baby after we got married, so every now and then I’d mention baby names to my husband. We still haven’t discussed names in earnest, but I’m sure that will happen the moment I get a positive pregnancy test!

TaylorBlueSkye Says:

September 25th, 2013 at 6:07 am

First date. 🙂

goldielocks Says:

September 25th, 2013 at 7:05 am

I knew we would one day have a Bugsy when I was 16…thought I could talk him out of it, turns out he talked me into it! His sentence started with “I know it’s really weird but…”, something we’ve been saying ever since!

bekchristie Says:

September 25th, 2013 at 8:25 am

I started talking about names within a few weeks of dating my future husband. But since I have a slight obsession with names, I was banned from talking about future littles until we actually started trying to make one. Sigh. Now I am 38 weeks pregnant and have struggled with committing to a name! We have one nailed down finally which is kind of sad to thrown out all the others I loved for so long.

nikkiolle Says:

September 25th, 2013 at 9:01 am

We met on the first day of college and were friends for a year, then started dating. I would say within 3 months of dating baby names came up. I don’t remember the exact conversation, but I am a Shakespeare nut and he would leave me love notes with sonnets, or recite the balcony scene when we had to say goodnight. So I always knew it would be a Shakespeare name for our kid. We have had our top girl name on the list since then. That was 10 years ago. We dated for 3 years and have been married for 7. No babies yet, but we are starting the adoption process next year as soon as our finances are in order. We are going for a girl so we can use the name that we have had picked out for 10 years! Boys names are harder for us. We have a list of top 4 girls, with one being “the one”. We didn’t settle on one boy name until we had been married for about 3-4 years, and even then it is a compromise, not an absolute love. But now we are banking on just having the one girl, so I think it will work out in the end. He never was off put by my naming addiction even in those young years.

Aveline_Bellefleur Says:

September 25th, 2013 at 9:21 am

We started to discuss baby names back in 2010 during the first months of our first ( unfortunately, unsuccessful) pregnancy, which re-ignited my love of name; at the age of 11 I had a leather-bound book of names I loved, mostly from the many books I was reading at that age.
Anyway, flash forward three years later, thanks mostly to NB, I not only have one lovely name I want to use but TEN!!
Best get crackin’…. 😉
Other half is aaaalmost over hearing me say ” What do you think about ________ ?”. Almost. I pick and chose those moments carefully lol.
Some interesting posts so far….
@ nikkiolle – I wish you all the very best, and hope you are both holding your little one v.soon!

Aveline_Bellefleur Says:

September 25th, 2013 at 9:23 am


kendalwon Says:

September 25th, 2013 at 10:03 am

We started talking names on maybe the 4th or 5th date. I was shocked it didn’t scare him – but he was super interested! The names we picked then (4 years ago) are not the names we’re going with now that we’re expecting our first child in November.

alyssakate Says:

September 25th, 2013 at 10:06 am

We talked a bit about names before we got married but not much. The focus on those talks were more about how many kids we wanted (3-5) not on names. Now we’ve been married 3.5 years but probably won’t have our first child for another 3 years. My husband is the type who doesn’t want to have a serious conversation about names until we actually are having one. But, he’s a good sport when I just bounce ideas off of him. I guess I’ll have to wait a few more years to really know what his naming style is! In general though, he seems to like the names I do 🙂

KateMP91 Says:

September 25th, 2013 at 10:21 am

We had our first name discussion after dating about a month. He caught me on Nameberry and asked what it was, so, I told him. He asked what my favorite names were, and proceeded to pair the ones he also liked with his last name…yeah, I knew he was the one for me;) we now have a short list for each gender, and discuss them regularly, even though we don’t plan on trying for a baby for about three years!

vicioustrollop9 Says:

September 25th, 2013 at 10:52 am

My boyfriend and I started talking about names before we even officially started dating… he’s known I am a name nerd since the very beginning! He humors me by discussing names with me, but it won’t be real to him until we are actually pregnant!

csd267 Says:

September 25th, 2013 at 11:11 am

My husband and I discussed names when we were 18 and walking home from a Handy Mart. The names we chose were Ellie Rose and Thor James. Our son’s name now, though is Bryce Ryker. We had only been dating for 5 months but we were in love and I have always been a “name nerd”

birdies Says:

September 25th, 2013 at 1:55 pm

I want to say maybe 4 months into the relationship? It was after we said we loved each other for the first time, but not long after. Two of my cousins were having babies, and I discussed their names to him.

Poor guy, he can’t go a week without me changing my mind on our top names list now.

SheFliesWithHerOwnWings Says:

September 25th, 2013 at 2:06 pm

I’ve only been with my partner a short while but we’ve already had this chat. I believe it started when we were discussing his daughter from a previous relationship – her name is one of my old favourites – so the topic just came up! I was pretty forceful at first and did declare that Isaac would 100% be my first son’s name and he’s happy with that so I obviously was delighted. He doesn’t tend to offer many suggestions but will quickly rule out most names I suggest, including Asher, Jude, Ezra, Franklin etc. He loves 2 boy’s names but I couldn’t get on board with them so one has gone down as a potential middle. We now have a top 3 for boy’s (Isaac, Noah & Jacob) and then a slightly longer list of about 7 names for girls; Persephone, Matilda, Arabella, Harriet, Felicity, Seren & Aurora which I’m fairly happy with but I’m still missing Beatrix, Ottilie, Clementine & Pandora from the list!

MaewynMannix Says:

September 25th, 2013 at 2:12 pm

Not even a month into dating, both 14…
We chose out Silas Percival and Jill Cassidy.
And we still like them…

stephanieamilea Says:

September 25th, 2013 at 3:09 pm

It was definitely within the first few months of dating when I casually asked him which boy names he liked. He named Adam and Tyler, and none of those names are on our list today! One constant he’s maintained is keeping the first name of James tradition. His name is James Alexander, his father is James Robert, his grandfather was James Wilbur etc. And all were known by their second name. I think its neat!

KickinKay Says:

September 25th, 2013 at 3:21 pm

Oh wow, we were teenagers probably 15 or 16 about 10 months into the relationship. I made him watch Grey’s Anatomy because I love that show and there was a minor character on the show named Finn, and while he was complaining about being hungry I told him to shut up because the guy I was going to name my child after was on screen. He looked surprised and then said he really liked the name Damian, and the rest is history. It’s years later and the plan is still for our first son to be Finn Matthew and if we have a second Damian Reid.

Chrisco Says:

September 25th, 2013 at 4:37 pm

Well, I haven’t got a story yet, but my grandmom and granddad never discussed names until about three months into her pregnancy, and then it was a settled thing: his name would be Mark Joseph. Six months go by, they’re driving to the hospital, and my grandmom says: ” Joe, what if it’s a girl?” Well, ‘Peggy Sue’ was playing on the radio, and my grandmom thought Peggy was a nice name (my granddad didn’t much care what a girl would be named). And so my aunt, little Margaret Mary was welcomed into the world : )

(And interestingly enough, two girls and three boys later, Mark was never used)

maggiemary Says:

September 25th, 2013 at 5:48 pm

My boyfriend and I are both 18, we’ve been together coming up for two years, and we’ve talked about names. Not on a “what will we name OUR children basis, obviously we both hope our relationship will last and we will end up having children together, but it seems premature to start planning “our” family and their names. However, we have talked about names in terms of, what each other likes. Thankfully, we have fairly similar tastes (bar a few bad taste exceptions, his of course), so if we do go the distance, we should be able to agree!

maggiemary Says:

September 25th, 2013 at 5:49 pm

Chrisco – your aunt Margaret Mary has a wonderful name, but I am of course, rather biased!

laurakatex Says:

September 25th, 2013 at 6:17 pm

I think we started talking about names when my nephew, Tyler, was born in April 2010, and it just went on from there.

We’ve been together for over six years now so he knows names are important to me and he knows that middle names are really important to me as well so when it comes to actually having children we can have real discussions about names.

jmsouthern Says:

September 25th, 2013 at 7:14 pm

My (now ex-) husband and I selected names the night we got engaged. When I told him that I had chosen Calyssa Paige for a girl, he immediately loved it and that was it. (Our Calyssa Paige turns 10 in a few weeks.)

We had a harder time picking out a boys’ name; finally we settled on Chandler, and since both of our fathers’ middle name is Edward, we agreed that was an obvious choice for a middle. (We never had a second child, so no Chandler Edward for us.)

LavenderBelle Says:

September 25th, 2013 at 7:30 pm

I remember on our first date or second date we both mentioned our love for the name James. I was immediately told that he could never use it because of a first son naming trend in his family and he was the second. So I sadly had to let James go right then because I knew this man was going to be mine forever. Over 6 years of dating names were dropped here and there. It wasn’t until we got a dog that we really started talking names. Now we are buying a house and talking about when our babies will come. Name talking comes so easily right now. Problem is he isn’t as “Nameberried” as I am. Some of my favorites like Lucian were strongly disliked while Lucas was well liked. Guess I’ll have to compromise when it happens.

littlebrownpony Says:

September 25th, 2013 at 8:33 pm

I think it was maybe our third or fourth date? We were talking about how much I love kids (I was teaching at the time) and he came right out with, if he ever had a son, he wanted to name him Blake. And I was like….you know, that’s not bad, not bad at all…..so yeah, it turned out he was something of a name-nerd, too!!

Danielleskye Says:

September 26th, 2013 at 4:37 am

In the first few months I told him that I’d been writing lists of girls names in my diary since I was 8 , and he was ok with that. Ok with the lists, but not with the actual names. I have had to cull many names which were ‘amazing, the one!’. We called our dog Wolfgang, a name which was going to be for our son. But the moment, I’m sort of on a ban from talking about names. Wait till I’m pregnant.

tori101 Says:

September 27th, 2013 at 3:43 am

With my ex, I never ever talked about names.
Maybe I didn’t feel fully comfortable discussing the future that’s why we’re not together as I didn’t see a future. But I remember saying that I loved the name ‘Rose’ rather randomly and he was like I love ‘Lily-Rose’ as a name and if we ever had a daughter that would be her name. But that was it and I remember a month later we split. Haha.

emilybk Says:

September 27th, 2013 at 2:23 pm

My husband and I have been together for 10 years, married for seven, and I’m pretty sure we talked about names within the first six months of our relationship. He turned out to be a bit of a name nerd too – his early suggestions were Caedmon for a boy and Marin for a girl. We ended up naming our now 14-month-old daughter Cates, a family surname on his side, and one that we were seriously discussing as early as our engagement or first years of marriage.

Nyx Says:

September 28th, 2013 at 12:38 am

My hubby and I talked baby names about 5 years before our first child was born, and about 4 years before we were married. In fact, we talked baby names on one of the many night-long conversations we had during out first dates. We had a very definite mesh of tastes, along with a completely opposite and un-meshable love of other names. In the beginning, we settled on Nathaniel Xavier for a boy and Elizabeth Rose or Elizabeth Lorelei (the second because his sister ended up using Rose as a middle name, and Lorelei gave our imaginary future daughter the initials E.L.F.). We got to use our boys name, but never had a daughter.

AmLou031 Says:

September 30th, 2013 at 2:26 am

I didn’t bring the name convo up with my hubby when we were dating he actually did. We had been dating about 6 months and as we were only 15 our relationship wasn’t very serious, mostly holding hands and talking a lot. We had been watching an animation movie, well he was watching and I was sitting with him. And he turned to me and said I’m naming my daughter Sakura Rose when I have one. I was completely shocked! I’m completely name nuts I literally name all my plants, pets and stuffed animals. I spent many years name hunting assisting naming my grandmothers entire herd of cows.
I responded to him if I have a son his name will be Theodore, I now can’t remember the middle name I said it has varied too many times over the years.
From then on we have had so many conversations about names we would use. His favourite girls name is still Sakura Rose although i told him long ago I couldn’t use it for my daughter. His favourite boys name is Xavier Benjamin, he has loved this name since our early days of dating as well, which is the name we will most likely use should we have a son, a compromise for me not using theo in exchange for him not using Sakura.
Our 2 years name is Emilia Louise, which took nearly 35 weeks of pregnancy and hours of nameberry research to come up with. I had suggested Amelia to him early in our pregnancy but he couldn’t spell it so we went with Emilia

Fourthseason Says:

January 8th, 2014 at 3:21 am

Slightly odd.. but I was coming out of a long-distance relationship when I met my husband. He was keen on me right away, I thought I was pregnant with me ex. I’m ashamed to admit it, and I was scared at the time. my husband was on bored to date me, marry me, have another man’s baby with me. We discussed names early on. Even when I didn’t turn out to be pregnant, he still didn’t waver. He often said, it may not be now-but when we do have kids what names do you have in mind? We had a baby list that we wrote together. I will say that we took our relationship VERY serious from the beginning. I had in the beginning refused to date my husband, bc of circumstances, and he said: dating is for marriage or you don’t date at all, and I don’t believe in leading a women on. Which is how I totally felt being religious, and the bad situation I had gotten into, and never want to be there again. So we both agreed from the beginning, we date for marriage ONLY! We have been together 6 yrs total and our list has become extensive. We communicate often and a lot even though getting pregnant has been difficult.

mallowd Says:

June 12th, 2014 at 12:45 am

I’ve decided to try and keep my mouth shut because I’ve lost a couple good names to guys I’m no longer with….though I still have plenty on my mind! I briefly mentioned names with the guy I am seeing now, as his brother just had a baby named Hayden, which we both liked, but obviously can’t use. I often worry that I will end up with a man who has the complete opposite taste of me, and I won’t want to compromise:( HAHA Guess I have to grow up a bit:) I talked about Luca for a girl with one ex, and Monty for a boy with a more recent ex. Thankfully that’s it! My first true love and longest relationship and I discussed a few names, but my taste has changed since then, so that doesn’t bother me as much.

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