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How (Not) to Choose a Baby Name

choosing a baby name

By Kate Gunn

It’s a fact that my mother actually refused to tell her friends what I had chosen to call my third child. Instead she took the “I don’t think she’s decided yet” option. Which got a bit lame after about six months. She was actually mortified by our choice of name for each of the three children, but this last one was obviously one step too far.

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namesageWelcome to Nameberry’s newest column, The Name Sage. Every week, I’ll answer one reader’s questions about naming a baby-on-the-way, or general baby name angst. And here’s the best part: we’d love it if you would add your thoughtful suggestions and comments to help expectant parents decide. The world needs more nicely named children, berries! Want to see your question featured? Please email namesage@nameberry.com.

Lindsay and her husband are expecting their second child, a little sister for Charlie Layne. They love Charlie’s name, and they’re trying to find something they like just as much for their daughter-on-the-way.

She writes:

We are currently struggling with whether to continue the borrowed-from-the-boys trend, which I know can nearly incite a riot! If we go for a girly name will one child feel left out?

Their current list includes Elliot, Even, Reese, and Finley, but also Lila, Lola, Stella, and Willa.

Lindsay adds: At this point it feels more like trying to “match” to our first daughter’s name rather than picking something we truly love.

Read on for my answer, and please add your thoughtful comments, too!

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How to Name a Large Family

naming large families

By Kate at Sancta Nomina (Katherine Morna Towne)

Whether you’re planning on it (Duggar) or it takes you by surprise (Gosselin), having a big family means choosing a lot of names. Naming with care can help with everything from reducing the possibility of you having name regret, to staving off your children’s dissatisfaction with their given names, to minimizing the craziness others will inevitably tag you with. (Maybe.)

Be forward thinking

You have a plan for your parenthood, and it doesn’t include having a big family. Maybe you’re going to have two children, and their names are both going to start with K, or they’re going to be named after your two favorite Olympic speed skaters. Then life happens—you marry a guy who really wants ten children and two just doesn’t seem like the right compromise, or you find yourself unexpectedly expecting triplets.

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posted by: upswingbabynames View all posts by this author
Middle names

by Angela Mastrodonato of Upswing Baby Names

Shortly after my son was born, I remember telling a friend that we chose his middle name, Robert, because it is my husband’s name. I told her that I would have liked to pass on my name, Angela, as my daughter’s middle name, but couldn’t get it to work. Her response was:

Some names just aren’t middle names.

But why is Angela not a middle name? Why are some names seen as first names only?

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Baby Name Advice: Straddling two cultures

naming multicultural child

By Beth Grimm

As the proud mummy of two, soon to be three, bilingual children, who attend international school and are exposed to multiple cultures on a daily basis, I am constantly reminded of the need to consider the implications of names. The wrong name could cause frustration for family members or even ridicule of the child. So what factors should you consider?

Pronunciation – It is important to be aware how the name will be pronounced by different family members, dependent on their native language. Having lived in Central and Eastern Europe most of my adult life, I frequently confront the difficulty in pronouncing the ‘th’ sound in my name, Bethany. My counterpart may think it’s fine to call me, a woman in her thirties, Betty; I, as a Brit, think of an elderly lady with permed hair.

The first criterium for naming my children was no ‘th’ sounds. Off the list came Dorothea, Martha, Arthur and Nathaniel. Other sounds may cause no problem, or the difference be unimportant. The Germans say Ze-ra-fee-na for Seraphine, which is similar and quite pleasant. My daughter answers to both. Just be warned, you may feel attached to the name Lawrence and your beloved uncle Larry, but your Japanese family may hate you for it, go for Ren and keep everyone happy!

Soundalike Rude Words – You would be surprised how many names sound like rude words in other languages. I was discussing names the other day with my husband and pointed out the name Akako, which was a Name of the Day here on Nameberry. I commented that we couldn’t use that name and he was baffled. Our six year old, on the other hand,  sat in the corner giggling and when questioned as to why… “Mummy said the K word”  Then, my husband understood; it contains a children’s word for toilet business.

This is far from an exception; many a beloved name has to be struck from the list for similar reasons. Zack and Chloe are a no-go for the Germans, Sookie for the Russians; Danish people, consider carefully before naming your daughter Bente, if you have British relatives. Where possible, it would be best to ask a teenage native speaker what they think of a name, as an adult may be too mature to spot the problem.

Direct Translation – Here, an adult will be of assistance, or even an online dictionary. A name may be perfectly innocent in your native language but sound ridiculous, or even unpleasant in the language of your foreign relatives. I adore the name Viola, but a deep rooted desire to move to Spain one day takes this one off our list. The verb violar means ‘to rape’. Another time, I was engrossed in my family history research and uncovered the gorgeous name Rosine. I turned to my husband with fluttering eyelashes and got the swift and uncompromising response, “I’m not naming my child Raisin!”

Historical and Cultural Influence – In school, you learn a little of the history of other countries, but even if you take it as a specialist subject in high school leaving exams, it is doubtful you would study enough of the history of another culture to make immediate subconscious connections between a chosen name and what it means to other members of your international family.

My personal experience with this came after the thought that I might name one of my daughters after my Great Aunt Eva, a woman who shared my passion for genealogy and was always kind and caring. It was quickly vetoed in the early stages of name selection, however, when my husband said, “What, you mean like Eva Braun?” Living in Germany, having a child who shares her name with Hitler’s wife may not be the most sound decision.

Honoring the family member – So how do you honor the family member with the strongly cultured or perhaps, inappropriate name? The first and easiest option is to use the middle name slot. Nobody shouts their child’s middle name on the playground and a teenager can easily hide it if embarrassed. Laura Brunhilda can tell everyone the B stands for Belle. Another option is to find a soundalike name without the association. With the Eva example, Evangeline and Evelyn could also work well, without the immediate historical link. The most subtle way of all would be to find a name which means the same thing from the partner culture, honoring Grandad Raul by naming your baby Ralph.

It’s definitely a minefield, but with a little more care and a lot of patience, you will find the perfect name that allows your little precious child to fit in, wherever they may be.

Beth Grimm, better known on Nameberry as standardcrow, is the proud Mummy of two, soon to be three bilingual Anglo-German crowlets and is passionate about languages and genealogy, as well as being a self-confessed nerd.

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