Did Your Family Pressure You Over Names?

My mother-in-law wanted my daughters middle name to be after her. I couldn’t do that and instead, we named the middle after my mother. To be honest, I was in post-partum hell at the time and the irony of the situation didn’t strike me until later. To be even more honest, even had I realized, I probably would have done the same all over again.

This is exaclty why we kept our baby’s name a secret until she was born. Nobody really pressured us to name her a certain name, thank god, but they did know that we were keeping her name a secret until birth and they asked us constantly what her name was but we wouldn’t budge. Finally we decided to hold a contest to see who guessed the correct name. It was fun because no one knew and there was one winner who won $50 for guessing correctly. Everyone loved her name at birth so either they’re really good liars or we did a good job. I’m glad we kept her name a secret until birth and I would do it again.

When I have children, I am not letting anyone not let me have the names I want. I guess I’m just that sort of personality about things I am passionate about. Why should I be pressured into choosing a name I don’t like??? Its MY decision! I tell people the names I like and they give me funny looks-I find it hilarious.

Ugh. Nothing is more annoying to me than the expectant grandparent who already had a shot at naming their own child, thinking they are entitled to name their child’s baby!

We kept the names secret before the births. Most people understood and didn’t press for the names, except for my mother-in-law, who would have been the most opinionated had she known the names before hand. You better believe we didn’t share the names with her.

We didn’t keep our name choices secret until birth, but we didn’t announce them until we were 100% sure about the picks. Neither side was overjoyed with our first son’s name. No one said anything but you could tell. I guess they thought that “Conor” was too much of an Irish spelling of the name. Which is hilarious since it IS an Irish name and we’re currently Living in Ireland. We announced to his family over skype and they were like: “Oh.” Wrote it down for the correct spelling (to announce to others). Asked us how we came up with that name, and quickly changed the subject to probably something cute their dogs did or something new they bought. My sister knew in advance and didn’t really react positively or negatively. She had been included by email in the whole process. I was at a bad place with my mother so I just sent her an email. Which got no reply.

The second time around, I was more prepared. We knew none of the family would like our choices for the expected twins, so it was easier to deal with the “not great” reactions. His parents basically did the same thing. Wrote the names down, made a comment that “Cormac” was a spice (McCormick’s…granted that’s the only exposure most of our friends/family back home have with the name). Didn’t say anything about “Cordelia” even though MIL’s middle name is purposely and obviously incorporated into her middle name. And, quickly started talking about their dogs. My mother and I had since made up and I announced our choices to my family via skype this time too. Once again my sister already knew. No one was impressed. The first thing my mother said was: “Well, you don’t want to name them anything that will hold them back.” And, went into how she never liked her name and felt hindered by it and about another girl she knew who had a name that really affected her social development growing up. So, I’m pretty sure I know what she thought about it too. She (like DH’s mother) also made no acknowledgement about her middle name being included in Cordelia’s.

Luckily both times we got MUCH better reactions from friends and my extended family, which helped. Both of our families are Very “Top 10″ name fans.

The week after my husband and I got married his parents came over to our apartment for dinner. My FIL waited until the two of us were alone and told me that I would name a first son Daniel, most likely as a middle name (making him the fourth generation of Daniels). Not gave an opinion, not suggested, flat out demanded. He said that my husband might not mention it to me because the name wasn’t important to him, but that it was important to him (my FIL). My mouth just about hit the floor. I really don’t want to use it as a middle name now JUST because it is a “requirement”, but that’s probably a little petty. Guess the honeymoon was officially over at that point!

Thompssn — twins named Cormac and Cordelia? Well, I approve! Wonderful choices!

My boyfriends family is like Eddagirl’s inlaws. My first time meeting his parents I was informed that our first born child should it be a boy would have to be named Robert Arthur. I was like excuse me. We just met like 2 months ago, why are you telling me what my child should be named. Apparently going back 7 generations the first born boy is always named Robert, switching between Robert Arthur and Robert William. My Bob is Robert William. I was like Heck No, that is just way to many people with the same name. I do love the name Robert as it is my grandfathers and uncles name, but I would never subject my child to being named Robert in that family. Bobs grandfather is called Old Bob, his dad is Big Bob and my Bob is called Little Bob (even at age 27 and 210lbs he is called Little Bob) so that would subject the poor baby to going thru life known as Baby Bob, HECK NO. I finally made my Bob see the ridiculusness of that thankfully.

My in-laws were less than enthused too. My husband wanted to name a boy after his dad. After the ultrasound revealed we were having a girl we got a disappointed “oh well maybe next time” from them. But they’re madly in love with their granddaughter now.

I feel fortunate that my immediate family doesn’t pressure me about names. My grandparents love my taste in “older” names; my sister always comes to me for advice about nature or classic names, and my parents don’t seem to have an opinion at all about my interest in names. They do, however, chuckle from time to time at names I like that they think are made up or crazy, like Ariadne. But, I know that if I actually named a child that, they would stand by me.

However, my boyfriend’s parents are a bit more particular. In fact, they’ve already shown their true colors about names when bf’s sister has her kids. Their mom INSISTED that if it was a boy, that John or Sean by in the name (my boyfriend is a John Jr, and the fam is Irish, so Sean is an acceptable alternative, apparently). I think if bf and I have children together, my plan will be NOT to discuss anything with his parents…. yikes.

Thankfully we have not had any pressure from our families to name our baby anything in particular. We do have a boy name and a girl name picked out but we haven’t told anyone yet just in case we don`t use them and we don`t want any negative reactions (we are not finding out the sex). My SIL likes to suggest names she likes but she doesn’t say you have to name your child this or that. She just likes to tell me of names she hears and that’s cool with me. Our niece and nephews like to come up with suggestions too which is cute. The 2 older ones change their minds but the youngest (he’ll be 5 this weekend) has decided right from the moment we told him we were having a baby that it should be called Nemo (like the fish). He hasn’t budged on it either. We’re having a boy and he’ll be called Nemo, lol. I told my Dad that we’re calling the baby Nemo and he said if we name it that then we aren’t allowed to come over, lol. Overall, we’ve been lucky and haven’t had to deal with any pressure which is great.

P.S. Thompssn, love your kids names. Cormac and Cordelia are on my short list. Connor would have been there too but I already know a couple of people who have named their children Connor.

I don’t think my future inlaws would give us a hard time but I think they’d like us to use a family name or a name with some importance to us since all of their kids’ names have a meaning to them.
My parents are very vocal about what to name and not name a child. My 15 year old brother said he like Leopold which my dad said reminded him of Tadpole but he seemed wary of it. My mom just through a hissy fit. I think my mom is expecting a James since I mention liking it and it’s generally a well used name oin her family. She’ll die if I give her precious grandson the middle name Dante like we’re currently planning.

I didn’t get any flack from my own family, but my ex-husbands parents were very…erm…oppinionated about what we should name our kids. My ex MIL got very angry because we didn’t include her own middle name, Lynn, into our daughter’s name, instead we chose to make her MN Jo Lucille, the Jo from my own MN and the Lucille from my stepmother. MY ex FIL (who’s only seen his grandson ONCE in the 3 years since he was born) was very angry because we didn’t name him Michael, which is his name and my ex-husband’s name. So they were going to be Big Mike (FIL) Mikey (ex-husband) and Baby Michael (my son). I put my foot down because, well, that’s just stupid. On a side note, my ex-husband’s two siblings both have daughter’s with the middle name ‘Lynn’. Either they have no imagination…or they were too afraid of their mother to step up.

My parents and I have always talked about names. Both of my parents are interested in names (but definitely not as nerdy as me!), and so I trust and value their opinions. So yes, my parents know what my husband and I are planning to name our future children, and I know their opinions of the names. I honestly don’t care whether or not they like them – they had their chance to name kids, and now it’s ours. The fact that they like the names we’ve chosen just is added icing on the cake.

I don’t feel any pressure from the family to include any “rules” or “traditions.” My parents intentionally chose no honoring names because they didn’t want to offend anybody or have family members think they were “playing favorites.” For my husband and I, however, the decision to use honoring names was easy. Both of our fathers are named David (which is also one of my FAVORITE names), so our first son will have the middle name David. Me and both of our mothers have middle names that start with A, so we’d like to give our first daughter an A middle name. We’re picking first names we like.

I don’t have kids but I talk to my mom about names all the time, so she fully expects to be informed of the naming process when I do have kids. That said, she doesn’t pressure me to like the names she likes.

She DOES however remind me over and over that if she doesn’t like what her future grandson is named, she’s just going to call him Jack. We have similar taste in girls’ names, but radically different taste in boys’ names (I like soft-sounding, “grandpa” style names whereas she likes short, nicknamey names and Biblical names). Still, she knows she won’t get final say on what my future kids are named and I know she’ll be supportive either way. Unless I named them Tallula Does the Hula in Hawaii or something.

Me and my man are planning to choose our babies name 100% ourselves. We want this to be a precious moment between him and I, not a family event. And our immediate families have accepted that. So they wont input unless its asked for I know we do plan on using family names, though they don’t know this yet. If we have a girl, her middle name will be after my mans grandmother (as they are very close and she practically raised him), and we’re thinking of potentially using a family name on my side if we have a boy. So I can tell my mum and dad (I haven’t my siblings at all) and they will be honest, but not brutally so. Which I greatly appreciate, cause as hormonal as I am the last thing I want is my names trashed by anyone. My mans family is very accepting, and though I haven’t spoken to them yet I don’t foresee them being pushy. I only worry about my extended family, as they tend to be very pushy and will trash a name if they don’t like it. Not to hurt my feelings, but just being brutally honest.

I don’t plan to announce my name to many people until its on the birth certificate though I will tell my best friend, immediate family, and my mans immediate family (he hasn’t mentioned wanting to tell friends of the name choice yet).

xx

Baby Mike and Baby Bob — two very good reasons to break a family naming tradition. And you’re right: No matter how “big” Baby Bob gets in every way, it’s hard to outgrow that kind of name.

My mom wouldn’t keep her mouth shut and made what I guess she thought were “funny” comments about the name I had chosen, so I changed it and 3 years later, I regret it.

Next time, names will stay a secret except between my sister and I (we have similar tastes) until baby is born.

We have a few names that we plan on taking into the delivery room in December, and then we’ll decide after we’ve met our little bundle.

Most (the ones at the very top of the list) have been kept a secret, but we have let one or two names be known to my side of the family.

My mom laughed at one of the names (which, granted, is incredibly unique) but has no qualms about us actually using it if we choose.

When I listed a different name to my sister, she never really commented, and instead remarked “hmmm, or how about…” and proceeded to give me her list of names.

We know that any of the names we have are not common choices, and will receive a raised eyebrow or two, but we’re not too worried. Quite thankfully, we have not been pressured to use any names at all – his family in particular tends to be pushy, but their culture doesn’t really name-honour that way, so we’re fortunate.

Not much to add to this conversation, but my grandmother was “convinced” to give her only child a name she didn’t like and has regretted it all her life. That is probably the reason why even though she loves names, she never made any suggestions when she had grandchildren!

Thank goodness my parents and in-laws are nothing but loving and supportive. The only name advice a single person has given me was my dad, who said I should only be naming a baby after dead family members. He did concede that just the first letter would be acceptable, meaning Yitzhac and Herschel can be Isobel and Hattie (already dad approved).

Ive discussed our favorite names with my mother and she likes them, even the more out-of-the-box ones as she liked those herself when she was young. My dad just nods and smiles because he thinks I’m a complete weirdo anyway, haha. It’s my boyfriend’s mom that causes the problem. His dad would be happy to have a grandchild named Buckeye Billy Joe as long as he had a grandchild, you know? But one time his mom read a list I had texted him and threw a fit. She said if we ever named our kids this, she would only call them “Bubba” and “Sissy” for the rest of their lives. Mind you, she knows I hate it when people call each other those names. I dont know why, they just seem tacky to me. My boyfriend just laughed her. It didn’t bother him in the slightest, but it still irked me that she made the jab at me like that. Oh well. Our list hasnt changed and probably wont. She’ll think they’re the best names in the world when they’re attached to her actual grand kid.

By the way, my names aren’t even that strange. Scarlett and Maeve (Evie) for girls and Theodore and Hugo for boys.

My mom pressured me into using Marie for our second daughter’s middle name. So now, my mom, my second daughter and I share the same MN. I’m still not thrilled about our name choice in general (Clarissa Marie) but I don’t want to go through the hassle and money to change it.

I’m not married or pregnant, but my situation is slightly different because I’m full Vietnamese so naming is a whole different thing. I’ll probably end up doing two middle names, the first will be an American name, and the second will be a Vietnamese one that my parents can pick out. If I only do one middle name, I think I’d still be fine because at least for my mom, my top choice for a girl is Charlotte and her name is Ha, so it’d be a subtle way of honoring her!

I think whenever I am expecting kids,I’ll just keep it a secret until the actual birth of the child. Honestly, I think that once the grandparents meet their grandkids, they’ll fall in love and grow to love their names,regardless of their opinion in the first place.

@sagittaria: I think Clarissa is a wonderful name!

We were surprised at some of the rude comments we got when announcing our name choice of our oldest (Sebastian) after finding out he was a boy when I was still pregnant. After that experience, my husband and I decided to keep our name ideas to ourselves. With each other child after, people may not like our name choices, but realize it sounds incredibly rude when presented with a child bearing that name, not one who is theoretical.

My Mum rejects all the names I have on my list! She wants her grandson’s name to be Marc-Aurel and her granddaughter’s name to be Lara.

I don’t think my parents or in-laws will be the problem. I think it will be my partner. He thinks my name obsession is odd and therefore doesn’t participate in name talk often, but when he does he comes up with very trendy, popular names. Every name I suggest something he thinks it is weird and ‘shouldn’t be used on a human’. Whenever I discuss names with my mum and she doesn’t like a name she just goes ‘well, you’ll probably change your mind anyway’, which is probably true lol. Other than that I don’t see a problem.
I once asked my grandfather if I had a son would I have to use Douglas as a mn (it’s his and my fathers as well as a couple of others on the family tree before him) and he said yes. My grandmother jumped in straight away and said ‘No, don’t burdon her with that!’, but I want to use it anyway. I quite like a middle name tradition.

We refused to tell anyone our name choices and we also didnt find out the sex so we had to come up with a boy name and a girl name. A couple of days before she was born I spilled the beans to mum about the boy name because I couldnt hold it in any longer and we were SO sure baby would be a boy (we were wrong! haha) I could tell she didnt like the name by her fake enthusiasm! Luckily she was a girl and mum liked the girl choice! We have changed our minds on using that name for a boy if we have one next time round but not because of Mum’s opinion. Simply because we have changed our minds over time.

When we were pregnant the first time, I was convinced it was a girl, but we couldn’t decide on a name. My in-laws wanted a boy “to carry on the name.” Our last name is Jones. Millions of people have the name, its ancient to want a boy for that reason. And their ridiculous happiness at our baby being a boy, just made me so angry. (And I was heartbroken.)
And then my MIL couldn’t say our picked name (Griffin.) So we went back to the drawing board… point being, 4 years later, I’m still mad at their ancient belief that every family has to have a son. And I’ve given our son my father’s name for a MN. And none of our children will have a family name from that side. They carry their last name, and it was so important to have that carried on, so that will have to be enough.
And with such a popular last name, our children will have not-so-run-of-the-mill first names.

We kept the names to ourselves until the baby was born. Our parents have very strong opinions and won’t hold back. There were some nice possibilities to name them with the names in our families but we decided against it. My youngest has my mother’s initials, but shhhht, don’t tell anyone! My parents in law should be happy that their grandkids have their last name and that is it.

No one forced any suggestions on me but it did seem like everyone thought they had veto power!

Soon I refused to talk names cause my in-laws stole our top choice after pressuring us to tell it to them! So I kept my mouth shut about names to everyone! Should’ve from the beginning I guess!

When I told my mother that the first 2 sons we had would have my FIL and my dad’s first names as middle names respectivly, she flipped out that we wouldn’t be doing the same for the girls (my mum isn’t dad’s biggest fan to say the least). Thankfully the middle name we had picked for a girl had the same meaning as mum’s name and that seemed to placate her well enough.

No one will ever tell me what to name my child.

Having said that, it would be important to discuss it with my partner (as I did the first time round and I was amazed at his capability to not be a total dictator about that like he was with everything else). And I will take SOME peoples opinions in to account, like my mother who is a school teacher and tells me what the “naughty names” are, lol. And my Mum and sister are name-cool enough to hear out my ideas.

Well, I guess we will see for sure when naming becomes an immediate issue but so far our strategy seems to be working pretty well. We have introduced our immediate family and a few friends to our favorites list and both given explanations about why we like those names and their meaning for us and given them a chance to vote anonymously on the name list. That has given us an honest idea of how our faves are perceived. Also, we realize that many names improve in time so although initial reactions might not be 100% once people get used to hearing and thinking about a name their opinion of it improves. This definitely happened with my mom: when i first introduced her to my top name for a girl she thought it was ugly but several months later she told me how cute it was.

There is some unspoken pressure to use family names since my husband and I are both only children. We are being creative with the family name options and I think that as long as our decisions are explained there will be no complaints. I am not at all against hearing ideas or opinions from family as long as they know the final choice is ours.

My mum loves really clunky old names I have 2 brothers Archibald and Alfred and 2 sisters Margaret and Mildred my mum either wanted a Susan or Deborah for girls or John for a boy. Sorry mum those days are over.

My Husband’s side of the family has an old tradition of using Arthur somewhere in a name (first, middle, or second middle. It is just a thought but, My Mother-in-law wants us to use it as a first name even if it is a girl! It seems to be growing on me, but I don’t want our daughter to hate it or get teased. We have several months yet to decide, so I was wondering if anyone has a femine suggestion for Arthur? … Just in case we have a girl!

ssister- I read in a forum somewhere the name Arthuretta. The nickname Etta would be cute.

My aunt and uncle were keeping their child’s name a secret to my families frustration. We all knew the mn would almost definetly be Isabella though because of thr uncles deceased mother. Once my aunt was in labor though, uncles dad called up and demanded the baby girl be Isabella first name or else he would be disowned (harsh I blame it on them being foreign :p) after a large fight during my aunts labor, they named the baby Isabella with their NAND choice as the middle. We call the baby her chosen middle name as does everyone else except for the uncles family!

i’m not pregnant or even in a relationship right now, just a name nerd.

but i’m of the philosophy that you shouldn’t name your kid until you meet them. narrow down the list, sure but not settle on one thing. i also don’t plan on telling many people (maybe not anyone) the short list. i also don’t plan to find out the sex before birth so that’s also a factor.

but if i do share my choices ahead of time, i can foresee a little resistance to a few names i like but not the all-out war many of the other comments have talked about.

my mom already knows my taste in names is pretty different from hers but she’ll just be happy to have a grandkid and not really care about the name. my dad and i don’t have a very good relationship so i don’t care what he thinks one way or the other. honestly the person i can see giving me the most trouble is my grandmother. she’s very opinionated and i can see her trying to name the baby for me (not going to happen).

So far nobody as really brought up names in our family a couple co-workers asked me. My great-Aunt did give us a strong southern name in her opinion Lily Ruth. It’s a nice name and lots of family meaning but we have a name we love that honors other family and Lily is just so popular