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Names No Girl May Be Cool Enough For

You have to be pretty darn cool to name your kid Hortense, cool in that I-like-it-and-I-don't-care-what-the-world-thinks kind of way. Except you're not the one who's going to have to deal with having the name Hortense when you play soccer. You're not the one who's going to have to introduce yourself as Hortense to boys at parties. In fact, if you think it's so cool, maybe you should change your own name to Hortense rather than laying it on a poor little kid. The point: While we can appreciate the contrarian cool inherent in these clunky names, we fear that few children at this point in time are cool enough actually to live with them.
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  • Gay

    Gender: F Rate:

    Out of the question these days.  Read More 

  • Gertrude

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    Enormously popular a hundred years ago but feels as heavy as lead today. Though we must admit, nickname Gertie sounded kind of cute on the young Drew Barrymore in E. T.  Read More 

  • Griselda

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    Wicked stepsister name.  Read More 

  • Helga

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    Flat-footed and broad-bottomed.  Read More 

  • Hermia

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    Though we've gotten used to Hermione via Harry Potter , and even Hermes with its godlike and fashion associations, most people would still have a problem with Hermia (too close to hernia?) and Herm... Read More 

  • Hildegarde

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    Unfortunate name that evokes a caricature of heavy, plodding, Teutonic stodginess.  Read More 

  • Hortense

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    A "you can't do this to your daughter" name. Read More 

  • Irma

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    Wears orthopedic shoes and support hose.  Read More 

  • Joyce

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    Once a boy-baby name, now a no-baby name.  Read More 

  • Mehitabel

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    Most famously, the name of a 1920s alley cat.  Read More 

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