Names No Girl May Be Cool Enough For

You have to be pretty darn cool to name your kid Hortense, cool in that I-like-it-and-I-don't-care-what-the-world-thinks kind of way. Except you're not the one who's going to have to deal with having the name Hortense when you play soccer. You're not the one who's going to have to introduce yourself as Hortense to boys at parties. In fact, if you think it's so cool, maybe you should change your own name to Hortense rather than laying it on a poor little kid. The point: While we can appreciate the contrarian cool inherent in these clunky names, we fear that few children at this point in time are cool enough actually to live with them.
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  • Gay

    Gender: F LoveDislike

    Out of the question these days. Read More 

  • Gertrude

    Gender: F LoveDislike

    Could cute nickname Gertie, remembered as cute five-year-old Drew Barrymore in E.T., revive the long shunned Gertrude?

    It's tempting to dismiss Gertrude as a name on its way... Read More 

  • Griselda

    Gender: F LoveDislike

    Griselda is a famous folklore figure, noted for her patience and obedience. Her story has been told by Petrarch, Chaucer, Boccaccio and set to music by Scarlatti, Vivaldi and Massenet.

    ... Read More 

  • Helga

    Gender: F LoveDislike

    Flat-footed and broad-bottomed. Read More 

  • Hermia

    Gender: F LoveDislike

    Though we've gotten used to Hermione via Harry Potter, and even Hermes with its godlike and fashion associations, most people would still have a problem with Hermia (too close to hernia?)... Read More 

  • Hildegarde

    Gender: F LoveDislike

    Unfortunate name that evokes a caricature of heavy, plodding, Teutonic stodginess. Read More 

  • Hortense

    Gender: F LoveDislike

    The long unfashionable Hortense is actually the French feminine form of Hortensia, the name of a strong, politically active early Roman woman. Hortense began to be used in the English-speaking... Read More 

  • Irma

    Gender: F LoveDislike

    Wears orthopedic shoes and support hose. Read More 

  • Joyce

    Gender: F LoveDislike

    Once a boy name, this name took off for girls during the mid-twentieth century, when it spent 1930 to 1947 in the Top 20. Lately, it has been near the bottom of the US Top 1000.

    Joyce has... Read More 

  • Mehitabel

    Gender: F LoveDislike

    Most famously, the name of a 1920s alley cat. Read More 

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