Unisex Names: Would you use one?

Gender identity is a nonissue for me because I don’t understand the gender binary system to begin with. (probably the only one on this board to have this opinion but whatever lol) I mean, I honestly don’t understand why people feel the need to classify themselves by that one characteristic, and I know that not everyone falls within the gender binary system. Anyway, gender rant over, lol. I recognize that I will probably have a child that will be cisgendered, so I wouldn’t name a boy Mary or a girl Edmund, but I feel like a boy Ariel or River, or a girl East isn’t bad.

The only thing I have a problem with are the very, very clearly masculine names being thrown to the girls. I honestly don’t get why someone would name their little girl something like Lawrence or Henry when there are so many other names that don’t cross that line to choose from.
I do like slightly feminine names on boys though. Like, names that were originally boy names, I do like that.
It’s hard to explain, but names like River or Peyton or Sawyer I don’t have a problem with on either gender. I guess my opinion is that it should be at least slightly clear that your baby is either boy or girl simply by name.

Would/did you choose a name that’s given almost equally to both girls and boys?

Would/did you give your daughter a name more often used for a boy?

Would/did you give your son a name that has started drifting into the girls’ column? Yes Does this matter to you? No

Or would you only consider a name that’s distinctly masculine or feminine? Nope

Is the gender identity of a name something you feel strongly about or is it a non-issue for you? None-Issue

@BeeBear, Lawrence is actually a VERY popular French girls name and boys are named Laurent.

I don’t have a problem with unisex names for either gender. There are some I prefer for girls and some I prefer for boys. If a boy name has drifted more onto the feminine side of the list, that’s not necessarily a turnoff for me. I still preferred Jordan for a boy in the 90′s, when it was all the rage for girls. There are also some names I genuinely like equally well for both boys and girls (Quinn and Spencer come to mind).

I honestly have no problem with unisex names. My only problem is the that their only really acceptable for girls. One of my favorite names for a boy are Sage, Madison, & Aubrey all unisex names but since Madison is so widely popular for a girl people would probablyreport me to CPS if I used it (which I really want to). The whole stigma of “gone to the girls” annoys me, Madison is still a handsome name that could still work for a boy. I just hate how boys have to be masculine while girls have a choose without being ridiculed. Wow that was a long vent!

To go back to the questions at hand yes I would use a name that was equal, used more/less for the intended gender.

@ozdust is Lawrence a popular name here because in France it’s rarely used for boys or girls. According to INSEE data less than 50 girls have been named Lawrence since 1900 and it was last used in 1990.

Laurence on the otherhand was popular in the 60s and has been used on a steady basis since then but I wouldn’t say it’s popular today.

@ozdust, my point was that there should be a line, you know? I guess the name was moot right there. Let’s just say someone gives their baby girl a name (whatever name) that’s been used for centuries as a classic boys name- that’s what irks me. When they know the name is so masculine that there’s absolutely no question about it but they use the name anyway. I didn’t mean to cause a big to-do on Lawrence, it’s just a popular old man name where I’m from and it was just an example.

I feel like there’s this graveyard of guy names that the ladies clearly own now. I much prefer Ashley and Whitney on boys! Carroll & Robin would be other family names that I prefer on boys but would use on neither. I had a dear lit professor named Paris (male) and love this name …but the name has such slooty associations now.

I think the -ER & profession names are really fair game for gender neutrality and seem really “cool” (Spencer, Taylor, etc). I really dislike gender crossing names done for shock’s sake. Girls named Maxwell & James are gross to me. However, I do like boyish nicknames for girls … Clem, Sam, Charlie very cute.

@poppy528 I’ve considered Whitney for a boy but no one seems to think it would work. It’s still a name I would consider though with a strong middle. Good to know someone else likes it for a boy.

IA about Paris for a boy as well, I wouldn’t use it but Paris but in mythology Paris was a man and in France it’s been on the rise a little bit for both boys and girls, historically speaking it’s been used more on guys.

I’m mostly a real traditionalist when it comes to names, so to me some names commonly accepted as “unisex” are not. I also seriously dislike the double standard when it comes to “unisex” names: people who call their daughters Ryan and Tyler wouldn’t call their sons Sarah and Louise, would they?

However, I will make an exception for Meredith, which was originally for boys but is almost all girl nowadays. I find it far too feminine for a boy, but love it for a girl. I also desperately wish Rowan was a girl name, because the female equivalent (Rowena) doesn’t appeal as much. For the most part though, I do prefer names on the correct gender because of the unfair double standard and for the sake of keeping things the way they’re meant to be.

Unisex names are a non-issue to me. Several of my current favorite names are unisex (that I would truly use on either gender).

The thing that annoys me the most are the people saying girls are “stealing” boy’s names, and those who complain that their favorite name is now off the table never to be used again because they heard of one girl with it. Ridiculous. Children are so much more accepting than we give them credit for, and it usually isn’t until its pointed out to them by adults or older children that they notice things like “boys/girls” names.

Or those who get so hung up on the traditional meaning of the name, and insist you can only acceptably use Harper if one of your ancestors was in fact a harp player and you’re honoring him/her in some way (yes an extreme example but I’m sure we’ve all read a post reply like that at some point).

Bottom line: Language and culture are not stagnant. They’re evolving all the time, and names are a big part of that.

As a teacher, I hate unisex names. One year I had boys named Courtney, Kendall, Bailey, and Jordan and girls named Ryan, Riley and Tucker. I was so confused and it took weeks to learn which kid was which.

If I wasn’t a teacher I don’t think it would bother me so much, but I’d still never use a unisex name.

Here’s my answers:

Would/did you choose a name that’s given almost equally to both girls and boys?
I would not do one almost equally, no. It would have to be dominantly one gender for me to choose it. I have weird preferences. But one of my best friends loves the name Riley- for a boy. That is a name that is pretty equally split, I think.

Would/did you give your daughter a name more often used for a boy?
I, personally, have not and probably would not. My brother, though, named one of his three daughters Sawyer. I think it is cute and sounds wonderful in his family (Sawyer, Marina, and Jaya)

Would/did you give your son a name that has started drifting into the girls’ column? Does this matter to you?
I did not, no. I would not either.

Or would you only consider a name that’s distinctly masculine or feminine?
Here we go. I fall under this category. I think it would be terrible to have a girls name if I was a boy. Girls I’m not as strict about. Like i said, my niece Sawyer has a beautiful name, though it is dominantly male.

Is the gender identity of a name something you feel strongly about or is it a non-issue for you?
I would consider it a non-issue for me. This is only because, though i have strong opinions about it for my own children, I cannot and will not make a big scene about someone else’s child’s name. It’s their kid, not mine, and that means the name is their choice.

Both of my girls have names that are unisex. My oldest is Rorie and my youngest is Noa. Ironically it is Noa, the name that is actually a girls name, that I have been given grief about. It is interesting though that woman my age and younger seem to love the name while my grandparents and parents generation are the ones doing the double take. In my mind that just highlights the fact that gender distinction is not nearly as important as it once was!

I want to name my daugthers Nell, Tait, and Pimm. Tait is pretty unheardof for girls. I prefer most unisex names on girls. I also love Reid for a girl.

I like unisex names. I don’t see what the problem is, once upon a time (Victorian era), gem and flowers were cutting edge and thought to be too out there. Ashley used to be a last name, then a boy’s first name, now if you ask anyone about Ashley the think “Girl’s Name”, same goes for Avery, Beverley and Courtney.
Name barriers are constintly being moved.

Names I like are Elliott, Emmett, Dylan, Ryan, Austyn, Harlie, Sullivan, Hunter, Spencer, Addison, Ali, Billie, Drew, Bo, Cody, Devin, Corey, Leigh all for girls. Some of them may seem more feminine or masculine but I’d use them all for girls and no qualms about it.

I adore the name Riley for a boy, and it is a family name for us (my husband’s grandfather’s middle name) but unfortunately in my area of the US it is almost exclusively given to girls…usually spelled Rylee or Ryleigh, ugh. Still not sure if that would stop me?

The style of a name matters much more to me than how it’s gendered. I like names that can cross the male/female gender binary (the queer theorist in me loves to see that binary messed with :]); names like Whitney, River, Max, Tucker, etc.

However, I find most “unisex” names really dated or unattractive in sound or style, such as Ashley, Jaden/Hayden et al., Ryan, Jordan, Dylan, Logan, etc. Blegh.

There are names I would consider using, like Harper or Robin for a boy and Arlo for a girl. I also really like Sage, Sawyer, and Wren/Ren.

@sophiekihm I like it spelled Tayte for a girl.

My name style is more classic and I favor names that are clearly masculine or clearly feminine. That being said, I don’t have as strong of a reaction to unisex names as some do, but I find it a bit ridiculous when the unisex name trend is taken to an extreme; I cannot wrap my mind around using a name like Maxwell for a girl.

I agree with @lisa23. I’m a teacher too and find unisex names a bit confusing when I’m trying to learn names. I understand the appeal for others, but I don’t think I’d ever use unisex names for my own children.

I Really like unisex names. There are two names that span my boy and girl columns, Rory and Lennon. I am more fond of masculine names for girls than femanine names for boys.
I think as a society we are more accepting of women who have male characteristics. We think it’s sexy when a woman is athletic, or driven, or can hang with the boys as long as they maintain a little femanine mystique. Boys, on the other hand, have a much more difficult time if they have femamine characteristics. It’s less accepted.

I don’t really like many names that are more commonly used for both boys and girls (like Hayden, Taylor, Harper, Tyler etc) and I would never choose a distinct name like Maxwell or Henry for a girl.

I would be much more likely to choose a boyish name for a girl vs. a girlish name for a boy.

While I’ll probably end up with very girly names for my daughters I can’t help but love surname/boyish names for girls like Frazier, Mccall, Ross, Murray, Morris etc. I think that they can be very stylish for a girl/women.

I probably wouldn’t choose an “equal” name that’s hard to distinguish, but technically both of my boys have unisex names. They have both started drifting towards the feminine side, yet I still see them as more masculine as they were masculine in origin. I’ve never been questioned or given grief by anyone, so apparently people in my region see them as masculine names too.

I have two sisters with unisex names. One is more popular on females, yet the other was the feminine version of our grandfather’s name. She hated it growing up, even though it was a legitimate girl’s name, and went by her middle name in school for a long time.

So I guess unisex names don’t bother me, but if I have a girl this time, she’s getting a charmingly feminine name, just because I’m all boy-ed out!

I believe that all unisex names lean one way or another, usually to the girls side. I would use a unisex or slightly male name for a girl, but I wouldn’t give a boy a feminine name. I have a unisex name and so do both of my parents and none of us has ever had a problem.

As the wife of a Carroll (he doesn’t go by his first name, but it’s on alllllll his credit cards, bank accounts, etc.), at least once a month I wonder what his parents were thinking. I’m also a gender studies major and don’t really subscribe to the idea of a natural gender binary, but we do live in a society where people are highly socialized into gendered categories. Every time I get called carroll, because people naturally assume I’m the one with the girl name, I’m so grateful we did not carry on this family tradition with our son. It’s an old family name, so eighty years ago or so it probably wasn’t a controversial choice. To do it to a child now when carol has been definitively co opted by the girls just seems like an awful joke. To me, there’s a difference between unisex names and just naming your daughter maxwell or your son carroll. I don’t really have a problem with names which are well understood to be unisex. This shock value trend, though, will end with a lot of unhappy kids. I knew a girl named Darryl growing up who has kids of her own now and swears she will never submit them to what she describes as the “torture” her name was growing up.

These are some names that I love enough to consider using on a boy OR a girl: River, Morgan, Larkin, Sage, Miller, Sinclair, Auden, Roman, Kinley, Ridge, Arbor, Keaton, Shane, Reid, Lake, Tyson, Cyrus, Rigby, Finley, Shai, Caden, Knox, Elliot, Kennedy, Emmett, Rowan, Kinsley, Cody, Kyle, Ryan, Bryn, Keir, Clayton, Kinsey, Lennon, Hayden, Kellan, Finn, Jasper, Russell, Landyn, Sawyer, Quinton, Rhys, Paxton, Jace, Luca, Keelin, Miles, Akiva, Quinn, Vann, Jett…

The only one I really like is Morgan, and that’s strictly for a boy, in my opinion. Ryan is a boy, and PLEASE, Maxwell is a boy!

There are a few boys/unisex names I would consider for a girl – Brighton, Easton, Brogan, and Skylar come to mind. But I don’t like established, traditional boys only names suddenly being given to girls by celebrities like Maxwell and Wyatt. That takes it a bit too far, in my opinion.

My favorite girl name is Brynn. I read it in a book and loved it. It originally started out as a boy’s name in Wales spelled Bryn, but came over here and got the extra n and was feminized. That’s the only thing close to a unisex name I would consider, and I would give a really feminine middle name.

My other favorite names are Liza and Nora – strictly feminine.

My favorite boys names are Donovan and Keegan, but I can scarily imagine those becoming “cute” on girls, like the nickname Donnie on girls. . .heaven help us!

Like diana_m, my style of names are classic and timeless, so in that regard I like clear cut masc/fem names.

However, I do like some unisex names. Taylor, River, Sage, Harper.

If I were to give my son/daughter a unisex name or one generally used for the opposite gender, I would definitely give them a middle name that is strictly masculine or feminine, so they would have the option of choosing what they want to go by as they get older. Examples: Mercer Sophia, Piper Victoria, Ellison Susanna, Cameron Louis (I know most people think of Cameron as a boy’s name but I know quite a few girls named Cameron! I personally like it on a boy.), Jaden Christopher (also know girls name Jadyn, Jayden, Jaiden, etc.).

My one unisex name I will never ever use is Taylor. There are way too many kids named Taylor nowadays and I don’t think it’s that attractive of a name anyways!

It depends. I think names like Harper, Parker, Taylor, River, could all pass for either gender. I have no problems with names that are genuinely unisex. It’s just the idea of naming your poor daughter Dylan or Ryan,to me it looks like you’ve tried to be original and ‘cute’ but failed miserably. Putting a boys’ name on a girl does NOT make it unisex.

I prefer most unisex names on boys. Rowan is one of my favourite names for a boy.

That being said, I think boyish nicknames on girls are cute, like Charlie (Charlotte) or Sam (Samantha).

Would you choose a name that’s given almost equally to both girls and boys? Sure, but I would place it on the correct gender…meaning the gender it was intended for. Example: I would name my son Avery.

Would you give your daughter a name more often used for a boy? No.

Would you give your son a name that has started drifting into the girls’ column? Does this matter to you? Sure, but it depends. Taylor is still a name that can be given to a boy, but Ashley is not, IMO. There IS a point where it becomes TOO girl and I just wouldn’t want to put my son through that.

Or would you only consider a name that’s distinctly masculine or feminine? I prefer it this way. Josiah is distinctly masculine (our boy pick) and Alba is distinctly feminine (our girl pick).

Is the gender identity of a name something you feel strongly about or is it a non-issue for you? I feel strongly about it. My mother has this issue all the time and she hates it (she has a masculine name). However, I can only say what I have to say and the parent is going to make the final decision. My SIL, who I’m very close with and who I voiced my opinion to, named her daughter Riley, but it’s a done deal and I have no harsh feelings toward her or she toward me. Although, I do call her daughter Rue instead, lol. But it’s Riley’s nickname…I just prefer to use Rue because it’s cute and not as masculine as Riley.

I am going to generalize here…I think whether a person accepts the “unisex name trend” largely depends on age and experience. I find older people (I’ll include myself in this demographic) aren’t as enthusiastic about the trend as the younger crowd seem to be. The world is complicated and confusing enough so I do like a person’s gender to be apparent in a name. Men and women ARE different and I don’t think it’s a crime to believe it! There are some things about the trend that irk me: (1) The double standard (eg. when a name becomes more popular for a girl, parents avoid it like the plague for a boy). (2) the complete lack of research on the part of the parents regarding the history of a name (if I can count the times I’ve heard “But it’s a girls name” – yeah, maybe since the 1980′s). I can’t for the life of me understand why someone would choose a masculine first name and pair it with a frilly and feminine middle name. What’s the point? Do you use the middle name anyway? If a traditional female name is good enough in the middle spot, why isn’t it acceptable for a first name? There is also the strange notion of “freshness”. Why a boys name like Ryan is “dated” for a boy but sounds “fresh” for a girl is beyond my comprehension. It’s the same name, isn’t it? I also think the term “unisex” is bandied about without any thought to statistics. If you know one or two people in your area that name their daughters a traditional male name and thousands of boys are given the same name, is it suddenly “unisex”? Not by my definition of the word. While I don’t dislike all unisex names, I’ve heard too many sad stories from children who’ve suffered over the years to ever use one of them myself.

I’d use them on a BOY, but never on a GIRL. And that’s because all unisex names, or 99% of them, are boy names actually.

It depends on the name but I do like Jasper on a girl although this can be controversial. In fact, I actually thought it was a girls name when I first heard it.

I personally hate unisex names, even though I like Meredith and Evelyn, traditionally male names, on girls. Those exceptions aside, I prefer extremely masculine names on boys and extremely feminine names on girls. I dislike the double-standards that state that it is okay to give girls traditionally masculine names but would hemorrhage at the thought of naming a guy a traditional feminine name. Let’s be consistent people.

Personally, I’m not a fan of ‘unisex’ names. They just aren’t really what I’m into, especially because most of the more common ones seem to be really awful boys names to begin with (Jordan, Rhys, Cameron). A girl named Sebastian or James seems far more natural to me!

However as a feminist, I find it hard to claim to be against ‘unisex’ names, because it seems to wrong to ridicule the fact some people have chosen to go against society’s gender divide, which in most other aspects – I’m totally for.

I probably wouldn’t use a unisex name on a boy or girl, honestly. The only people I’ve known with ‘unisex’ names, especially girls, have all *hated* their names with a strong passion.

I really like unisex names and would like to think that I would use most of them on either gender (societal attitudes/judgements make that difficult). When we were deciding on a name for our daughter we had both traditionally feminine names and unisex names on our list. We did a lot of research and were aware that the name we eventually chose (Avery) is originally a boy’s name, however we fell in love with it. I also really like it on boys. The fact that it is much more often used for girl’s these days doesn’t necessarily make me feel like we “stole” it from the boys, (although I know a lot of people feel that way). Another name we seriously considered for a girl was Quinn which is more evenly distributed amongst males and females, however it didn’t flow as well with the last name. Now with a boy on the way, I feel like there is a lot of pressure to give him a distinctively male name to avoid confusion.

I am ok with unisex names but naming your daughter Maxwell or Walter just pisses me off. I wonder which celebrity will name their son Caitlin.

I don’t care for the unisex naming trend. As a 26 year old woman, I would lump myself into the “younger group” category. I don’t find boy names (Ryan, Avery, Emerson, Tucker, Charlie, ect.) to be cute at all. Mostly I just think the parents are trying too hard.

I am starting to back away from my favorite boys name, Emerson, because all the women my age keep telling me of the little girls they know named that! It’s disappointing, to be honest. What is wrong with people that they don’t like nice girl names anymore like Grace, Susannah, Elizabeth, Hannah?

To sum up my feelings on the issue: No, I don’t like gender-swapping most names. Yes, it plays a role in my decision to name my kids. Ladies…Please leave Emerson for the guys!! Rant over

I really like the name Elliette for a girl – trying to convince my husband!

I agree with much of what has already been said. Half the time when we’re talking about unisex names we’re actually talking about boys’ names that have “gone girl”, and the other half of the time we’re talking about (to my mind) awful, downmarket, trendy names like Jayden.

It does bother me that so many wonderful male names have become exclusively female. I’ve posted about Aubrey before — it’s a sophisticated, august name for a man that’s become completely associated with little girls. Ugh! I have nothing against said little girls, of course, but Auberon nn Aubrey topped my boys list for ages, and I’ve sadly had to remove it. It’s too girly now to use for a boy…though I would love to see the trend reversed!

There are other names I adore for boys that I fear will stray into the girls camp: Shiloh, Marlowe, and Elliot, to name three favorites. I also love Sasha as a nn for Alexander (I will be adopting from a region in which both the name and the nn are very common) but fear raised eyebrows and ridicule for the poor kid. Sigh.

I deeply dislike the trend. I find it odd that surnames (the occupation ones) are considered unisex. They are exclusively masculine because there never were any female Coopers,Parkers etc. those names are derived from the trade/occupation of the man of the family during the time surnames became common use.
I find it strange those who say they love unisex names only ever mean “naming girls boys names”. I have heard of girl Maxwells,not boy Sophie’s. So clearly the concept of unisex names is flawed.
I also don’t understand why parents who name their daughters Rory,Riley,Hunter etc often choose incredibly feminine middle names “to make it clear she’s a girl”. If there aren’t obvious gender defined names then such a thing would be unnecessary surely?
I dislike the argument that “your gender shouldn’t define you”…our gender is a single most obvious defining characteristic. Men and women are in fact different,it is foolish to say otherwise.
Also…Meredith has always been used as a girls name. And as a boys name. Originally spelt Meredydd. The pronounciation of the name for each gender is different,or at least it should be. There are a few Welsh names only gender defined by the pronounciation,Meredith is one of them.

I agree that’s it’s kind of a hard question to just say “yes” or “no” to. I like some unisex names for both girls and boys, some I just like for boys, and some just for girls.
For example, my brother’s name is Ryan so I could not imagine that on a girl. On the other hand, I know two boys named Mackenzie, so while many people find it to be very girly, I don’t think anything of it. I like a few names like Logan, Reese, and Skyler for girls. And I do like Ashley for both. I can only picture Avery on a girl, but I think Dylan and Addison should be boys. I guess it all depends on the name for me. I could sit here and list every unisex name and say what I think of it…

Would/did you choose a name that’s given almost equally to both girls and boys?

I might consider such a name, but probably would not choose one. It really depends on the name – if it happens to be one that I think sounds good on both boys and girls. And that, of course, is subjective. I mostly prefer names that clearly designate male or female.

Would/did you give your daughter a name more often used for a boy?
I would be very unlikely to do this. I don’t see any appeal in people assuming male until they meet or speak with you.

Would/did you give your son a name that has started drifting into the girls’ column? Does this matter to you?
Probably not, for the same reason above (I wouldn’t like people thinking my son is a girl until they meet him). Depends on the name though – if I feel it still has a lot of masculine punch I might use it.

Or would you only consider a name that’s distinctly masculine or feminine?
The majority of the names that I would use are clearly masculine or feminine. I wouldn’t say I’d only choose one of these – as I said, I would consider some unisex names under certain circumstances (such as if the father of the child really loved one of those names).

Is the gender identity of a name something you feel strongly about or is it a non-issue for you?

For me personally, I like a name for a child that clearly shows gender. I don’t mind when other people use unisex names – but I do extremely dislike names for girls that I feel are blatantly masculine – e.g. James, Maxwell, and some of the surname type names are just too manly sounding to me. (I also would not like Alice or Charlotte, for example, on a boy, but I don’t espect to run across any).

I actually have a unisex name myself (Shannon) but it’s been mostly seen as a girls’ name since the 70s at least, so I’ve never had a problem with people assuming I am a man. I have met one male Shannon, a little boy who was named after his dad.

Also, if parents want a “strong” name for a girl, I think there are plenty of non-frilly girls’ names to pick from.

I Intensely dislike “unisex” names these days because their not really unisex – just masculine names used for girls. It’s a huge double standard and I hate that it’s ok for a girl to be masculine but not vice versa.

I have several names on my boys list that a lot of people only use for girls – I don’t care, it’s still a masculine name, no matter how many little girls it’s used for and I plan to use them as such.

With my oldest son, my husband and I tried very hard to be gender-neutral. We had a doll for him and tried not to buy clothing that conformed to super-boy stereotypes (Daddy’s sports hero, etc.). We couldn’t believe it when he found the matchbox-sized car from the cereal box and wouldn’t put it down. He ONLY wanted to play with things with wheels. My daughter, on the other hand, was surrounded by my son’s “boy” toys and latched right on to babies and other “girlish” toys.

I believe that gender differences are innate (read Leonard Sax’s “Why Gender Matters,” an excellent physiology-based book on how boys and girls learn/develop differently) and there’s nothing wrong with that. It doesn’t mean I seek out “girly” things for my daughter (I’m dreading the day she gets into princesses) and want both genders to feel strong, confident, and able to be who they want to be. It’s ridiculous to deny, however, that these differences exist, as other posters have mentioned.

In this vein, then, it’s nice to have names that are easy to identify with each gender. I don’t have a problem with people who choose gender-neutral names for their children, but I don’t think it would be my preference. We did go through some wavering before choosing Elliot for our son, but it still seems to be stronly in the boys’ camp.

One more comment – I am a teacher too, and in a recent class, I had two Jordans, one of each gender. They were often referred to as “boy Jordan” and “girl Jordan” by their peers, which wasn’t ideal for either kid. I’ve also had several Rileys of both genders who were frustrated with their predicament. To each her/his own, but remember that the name you choose is your child’s for life, along with any implications it brings.

I heartily dislike boy’s names on girls, yes I like the idea of using a family surname as a middle name but beyond that I think it is ridiculous giving a girl a boy’s name.

I would probably only give my kids names that are distinctly for boys or girls. I have a girl friend named Ryan, and she has definately been mixed up as a boy plenty of time. Ex. She was given a boy’s PE locker. She was the only girl paired up with another girl in the seating arrangement(it was supposed to be B/G) at the start of the year. She loves being Ryan, but sometimes she hates it. Especially that there is boy Ryan M. in some of her classes.

I don’t mind some unisex names being used for girls and boys(Taylor, Peyton, Riley) but some names being used for girls(Jude, Eliott, Sawyer, Spencer) I think should be used only for boys.

I will try to use names for only girls or only boys. (That isn’t a problem because I love girly names i.e. Josephine, Rose, Violet and masculine names i.e. Ronan, Holden, Theo)

I would love to be all like, no gender identity doesn’t matter to me, that’s a societal restriction on expression, blah blah. BUT being in the professional world kind of changed my views on this as it relates to names. It’s hard writing an email to (or about) a Chris, and having no idea if I’m speaking with a man or a woman. Interactions like this do make me favor names on one side of the spectrum or the other…either masculine or feminine. Maybe that’s trivial, I don’t know.

“LIKE and EQUAL are not the same thing at all!”—Meg Murry, from “A Wrinkle in Time” by Madeleine L’Engle

Saying that men and women are equal is not the same as saying that men and women are alike or interchangeable. I mean no disrespect, but feminists seem to have said “Women are equal to men”—which is true—but to have meant, in many cases, “Women are like men”—which is false. As several previous posters have implied, women are not interchangeable with men. This is true even on the purely biological level—a woman cannot beget a child, and a man cannot conceive or give birth to one. It seems to me that those who say the genders are not binary are ignoring these most basic facts, which are self-evident whether or not you believe that “in the beginning God made them male and female” (which I do. And frankly, I have enough to think about in my life without having to decide for myself whether I’m a boy or a girl!) Giving children “male” and “female” names is one way of acknowledging that the sexes are indeed different, which is why those who don’t acknowledge that the sexes are different are right to be impatient with traditional naming.
I’m still sorting out my thoughts on certain types of names, though. In the case of most nature or word names (River, Sage, Harper, Cedar), I think whether one or another is more “masculine” or “feminine” is open to debate and for each set of parents to decide. Also, the ancient Hebrews, who had a definite gender-binary social system, seem to have used a fairly unisex naming system. Names such as Noah (meaning “rest”), and Athaliah (meaning “the Lord is exalted”), were given to both boys and girls.
OK, my rant is over!

–I probably wouldn’t choose a name that’s given equally to boys and girls.
–I wouldn’t give my daughter a name that’s used more for boys.
–I probably wouldn’t give my son a name that’s drifting toward the girls’ column. This does matter to me, but it would depend on the name.
–I prefer gender-distinctive names, but I wouldn’t rule out others–especially, as I noted above, nature names. I’d tend to keep them in the middle-name spot, though.
–As anyone reading my post can note, I do feel strongly on this issue!

There’s a difference between a unisex name like Mackenzie and a name that was always a boys until it was taken and turned girl, like Kelly.

Gender distinctive names help kids fit in. If you name a girl Jordan, she leaves the room crying because everyone says “that’s a boy’s name” by using a name like Elliot on a girl, you are setting her up for a world of hurt.

I hate people who do this and I hate how it’s not vice versa. If people were naming their son’s Sarah and Britney, then maybe I would be on board. But the whole thing is one-sided. The whole binary gender thing excuse doesn’t even phase me because honestly those are people that name their girl’s Emerson, but name their boy’s Brandon instead of Bianca….

One of my favorite things about Nameberry is the community of name lovers who openly share their naming advice and opinions. There comes a time when you are naming your child, however, that the process becomes very personal and ultimately up to the parent(s). I love that whether or not I love the name a friend chose for her baby, it’s irrelevant because the baby isn’t mine! And I usually find that after “getting to know” said baby, the name almost always grows to fit him/her perfectly. All this to say that unisex names, or hipster names, or traditional names, whatever “category” a name hails from, are fine with me. All this coming from a mama who went against most naming advice I received, and chose the only name that my husband and I both adored — Elliott Joy. We call her Elliott (not Ellie) and to my delight, often receive compliments on her name (notably from younger people than elderly). I’ve gotten my fair share of weird looks and questions here and there as well, but that is OK. I can assure you, unlike what @catloverd said, that I have not set my daughter up for a world of hurt — she has two loving parents who will be excited to share with her the significance of her name, and if she chooses not to like her name for a time, it is one that can be easily be shortened to something more common like Elle or Ellie if she likes.
Now, I think my comment adequately answers the questions this blog presented – thanks for the post!

The only two names that I can think of on my favorites list are River and Blair. BUT I only love River for a girl and Blair for a boy. If they were switched, I don’t think I would love those names the same way.

I always disliked unisex names (like Jesse/Jessie, Taylor and such.) I was a k-12 librarian and liked to know the gender before meeting the kids and as others said, it is easier to remember.

I am currently getting over male names being given to girls. We have finally decided it was not going to be an issue and put Finley on our list for boys… I would never use them on girls. I prefer surnames and trade names on boys, but understand using them on girls.

I totally agree with Funkmomma. It’s one thing not to like unisex names, it’s another entirely to claim parents choosing these names are setting their children up for ‘a world of hurt.’ As someone who grew up with a unisex name, and married someone with a unisex name, I can say with confidence that neither of us were horribly scarred by the experience.

My daughter has a unisex name as well, although not one that is commonly used on girls or boys. I refuse to feel guilty about ‘stealing a name’ that is being used on less than 5 babies each year. It’s meaning and sound were appealing and in general responses to it have been very, very positive. If our next baby is a boy I’d have no problem giving him a unisex name as well, although that is not one of my top criteria for a name so it may not happen.

I would not tend to give either a boy or girl a name that is commonly used on the opposite sex, mostly because I try to avoid common names in general.

I’m a woman who struggled during my childhood with what was then a man’s name. My children are Caitlin, Rachel, and Thomas.

You can guess my feelings on the subject.

auroradawn, I have to admit to only skimming through your post, but I agree with much of what you said. society puts so much emphasis on girls being strong and being able to do everything that a man can do that we forget that being a girly girl is just as good.

Would/did you choose a name that’s given almost equally to both girls and boys?

Definitely. Sometimes I like them more for one gender over another, but I usually just love the name itself. Parker, Sloane, Lindsay, Drew, and Clyde all sound great for either gender to me.

Would/did you give your daughter a name more often used for a boy?

I’ve considered naming a daughter after my father, who had a name that’s freshly unisex and still being given to newborn baby boys. I suppose if my father was named Matthew, I probably would never consider naming my daughter after him.

Would/did you give your son a name that has started drifting into the girls’ column? Does this matter to you?

The unisex name I most consider using is my father’s name, so I’ve considered it for both genders.

Or would you only consider a name that’s distinctly masculine or feminine?

I’m the type of person who would use a completely feminine name for my son if it had special meaning and I thought he could pull it off But not just to torture the kid. I’ve considered giving my son the middle name “Carroll” after my mother, but got the thumbs down for a first name. I can understand why, but I just hate to feel limited!

Is the gender identity of a name something you feel strongly about or is it a non-issue for you?

I’m passionate about it. When I hear about people being made to feel poorly, ashamed, or insecure because of their name I don’t think we should be more conscious of what we name someone… I think we need to stop making other people feel that way.

I have no problem with unissex names when they absolutely go both ways – like in French (only a few cases) or Japanese.

In English, nature or word names are tolerable. As for surnames, I don’t see the point of using them unless they have family significance (and even though, the vast majority of English and Irish surnames come from Masculine names).

But the number one reason why I’m against this practise is simple. All of the people above who praised so-called “unisex names” as modern or gender-revolutionary would die before they dreamed of naming their sons Alice or Margaret – or even legit masculine names like Alexis or Hilary. The sexism and hypocrisy of the pratcise is pretty obvious to me.

Personally I think there is something nice about giving your child a gender neutral name or feeling confident in your choice to cross the gender divide. I think this allows your child to grow into the person they want to be and makes it easier for them to explore their sexualities openly with their families then if they feel they are bound to tradition. That said – I wouldn’t venture too far into the opposite territory. I think a good rule of thumb is still to think of all the bad nick-names your child might be called in school if you want your “boy named sue” just expect to either have a child at home who cries a lot or is super tough.

On an interesting side note: Some countries have laws about what you are allowed to name your child. If you want to give your kid an unusual name you have to be able to prove that it is a proper first name and correlates to your off-springs gender correctly. I’m sure this sounds ridiculous to many people but since the internet makes research so much easier I’m sure one can find precedent for almost any name and it does prevent especially vicious parents for naming their daughter Latrine because they think it’s funny.

I always thought that River was a girls’ name, planned to have my pseudonym to be River Ann Wyllow, after reading about a baby born while crossing a river on the Oregon Trail in one of the Dear America books (I was in 7th grade at the time) Then I discovered it was a boy’s name, originally. I could see River on a boy or girl easily, same with Briar. I watched Sleeping Beauty plenty of times growing up, so Briar-Rose was obviously a girl name. But then I fell in love with the character Briar Moss from Tamora Pierce’s Circle of Magic series, and loved it for a boy. I still can’t decide which I like it on more.

People have gone crazy and are like “don’t name your daughter Addison/Madison/anything -son because it means ‘son’” and I’m not like that. There are plenty of girl Addisons and Madisons out there and I don’t have a problem with that. I’m a writer and I use unisex names sometimes- I had a guy named Jaimie, and a girl named Dave (and ironically, a boy named Ryan…nowadays people would think that Ryan was the girl)…that was a weird story and didn’t last long. Still, it can get confusing.

The best use for unisex names is a sad one. My aunt miscarried and gave her unborn child a unisex name because she never got to know whether it was a boy or a girl. Instead of calling it “baby” or whatever, she has a name like Jordan or Briar or River or Jessy or Sloane.

Here’s the deal: If you’re going to use a unisex name, use it as a middle name or pair it with a distinctly boy/girl middle name. ie River Ann is a girl while River Andrew is a boy. Don’t do something like River Quinn. Or do Lillian Sloane or use Ryanne instead of Ryan. Michal instead of Michael for a girl. I know girls named Michal and Carter McKenzie. They go by Mia (pronounced like Maya) and McKenzie. If you’re going to use a unisex name, try to pick one with a nickname or a backup plan built in in case your child doesn’t love it. Who knows? Maybe by the time little boy Briar gets in school people won’t think of Briar-Rose when they hear his name. If not, Briar can use is middle name or go by Brian.

This is a really interesting discussion, and it’s great to read so many different opinions on this.

@Malaria – I am very cis-gendered myself, but I don’t believe in a gender binary either (anymore, I should add).

@Thadsmom and OliviaSarah – salient points. When I was pregnant with my daughter (now 6 months old) I got to thinking about gender a lot, and realised how influential it was, but on shaky grounds. I would really recommend Cordelia Fine’s “Delusions of Gender”(especially to the person who recommended Leonard Sax’s book).

Anyway, to answer the original question: I’m Dutch, and most unisex names mentioned here are limited to the English-speaking world. We have far fewer of them in Dutch. So it’s hard to say whether I’d use one. I’ve vetoed some of my all-time favourite names because they sounded too English (much as I loved them, they would’ve sounded tacky or pretentious in Dutch)

In Australia only Bailey for boys charts with more girls being called Bailee and Baylee and Bayleigh. And Ashley is coming back onto the charts for boys. I would pick a name that is unknown almost for either gender like Clancy

I would choose a name that’s given almost equally to both genders, if I liked that name. I know a little girl nicknamed Brody and I love it. I plan on using James as a middle for my daughter. I would not give my son a girls name. I am from a tiny agricultural town, and a rugged name is suitable for either gender, but it’s almost a necessity for a young man to be called something like Ben, Kick, Colton, or Todd.

I named my son Avery not realizing at the time that the name is becoming increasingly popular for girls. When I was growing up I only knew one Avery and he was a boy. It doesn’t really bother me that much but my only fear is that when he gets into school he will be in class with a girl named Avery and he will be teased….

I would name a girl a name more used for a boy. I love the names Charlie and Dylan for a girl.

Honestly it depends on the individual name, but I like slightly feminine names on boys or slightly masculine names on girls sometimes. but my opinions are different on different names. For example: I like Avery a lot better on a girl, though it isn’t bad for a boy, I think it just suits most girls better than boys. But Hayden, I like equally for boys and girls. I would use Aspen for either, but like it better on a boy. Bailey I like equally for boys and girls. Yeah, i’m weird like that…

I am a Rowan and for a long time, I wasn’t even aware that my name was unisex having only met female Rowans, now however, it really irks me that my name is unisex, and the ‘isn’t that a boys name’ comments make me wish my mother had got her way and named me Amelia instead even though what I love about being a Rowan is the few Rowans there are. I love hearing about people naming their baby daughters Rowan though.
Personally, there are unisex names that I would still consider using such as Avery for a girl and Sawyer and Noah for a boy and others that I would use but in the middle name position so it wouldn’t affect the child if the name suddenly increases in popularity for the opposite gender; Wren, Sage and Bay.
I think if I was completely torn between two names and one was unisex, I would go with the other purely because of my personal annoyance with people who question the gender of a name.

I have a love/hate relationship with unisex names. A best friend of mine is named Sutton, which I love as a girls name instead of a boys name. Spencer, Elliot, Logan, they are super cute for young kids and teens, but do you really imagine a 50 year old woman with the name Logan? It doesn’t sound right. But names that can grow like Sutton, I don’t mind them