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  1. #1

    And so it begins...

    My friends and people I grew up with are just starting to get on with their lives. A few are moving in together, getting engaged, even some babies now. I never realized how much of a competition these things become, but it really does create some awful jealousy. This week was the first time I went to a baby shower for one of MY friends rather than a relative or something, and I'm going to a friend's new house for dinner next week. I'm assuming everyone has gone through this before, so how did you deal with it?

  2. #3
    Join Date
    Apr 2013
    Posts
    491
    I never saw it as a competition. Work towards your own goals - financial stability if you want a house, a strong relationship or meeting new people if that's what you want, physical health and the aforementioned if you want a baby. Right now the normal age for marriage and kids is anywhere from about 21-40...and plenty do it before or after that. At 23 some of my friends still live at home, depend on parents, and some are married with kids and own a house. There's plenty of other things to focus on, friends, family, school, work, travel, hobbies. Work towards your goals, but also take life as it comes.
    Lillian Elizabeth 6.16.13

  3. #5
    Join Date
    Jan 2013
    Location
    Canada
    Posts
    1,440
    First of all, it's totally normal to compare yourself with other people and wonder whether you're "on pace". I'm not sure how old you are, but I do remember all of a sudden my friends were getting married and buying property and I had moments when I thought, "Whoah, we're grown up now? When did this happen?"

    On the other hand, remember that each person has his/her own goals and schedule; as long as you're secure in your own choices, you don't have to worry whether you got married first or last. I was a bit later to get "settled" than some of my friends, but I went to grad school and I don't regret it. You can't always plan when you'll meet the right person and whether you'll get pregnant right away (or sooner than you expected), but you can make the most of your life wherever you are and try not to be bitter or competitive with people whose path is faster or slower than yours.

    Also, it's worth remembering that even if YOU think you're "running behind", someone else may be envious of you. I married at 31 and did a lot of traveling in my 20s, and I used to worry that I was having a late start and would be ancient before I had kids. I had a colleague who married younger and had kids in his 20s, and he was jealous of me because I'd had time to travel. As they say, the grass is always greener.... :-)
    Miriam ~ Helena ~ Estella ~ Beatrice ~ Anastasia ~ Alice ~ Marilla ~ Sarah
    Paul ~ Wesley ~ Walter ~ Edmund ~ Isaac ~ Abram ~ Gabriel

    Trying for baby#1
    Avatar: Nathan Altman, Portrait of Anna Akhmatova

  4. #7
    Join Date
    Jan 2013
    Location
    Australia
    Posts
    2,622
    I agree with a lot of what Maggie said. It's hard not to compare yourself to others, particularly on the marriage and children scale. Most of my friends married in their early 20s and had children straight away. For a while, I felt like I was lagging behind. But, like Maggie, I went to university for a long time and got two degrees and travelled a lot. Some of my friends have never travelled. I'm glad I had time to do those things when I was younger. I'm married and pregnant now and I'm glad I've waited until my 30s for this next adventure. A lot of people think they have to cram everything into their 20s. Like, "I have to be married and pregnant before I turn 30." I don't really understand why. You've still got plenty of time. Try not to worry and let your life unfold by itself.
    Audrey - Beatrice - Clara - Daphne - Flora - Jane - Mabel - Susannah

    Arthur - Barnaby - Edward - Frederick - Henry - Rupert - Theodore - Walter

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