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September 24th, 2013 08:56 AM #1Senior Member
- Join Date
- Apr 2013
When, if ever, is it ok to give parenting advice to another mom?
Are there any situations where you feel comfortable offering unsolicited advice to another mom?
Another mom I know has started feeding her 3 month old solids. While I know many of the older generation did this, and some people still research and choose to feed solids early, I am pretty sure this girl just has no idea what the recommendations are. She probably asked her mom when she fed solids and went on that alone.
I decided not to say anything, but I'm wondering if I should have? Or if I did, how to approach it? I think if I was oblivious to some safety recommendation or guidelines, I'd want someone to tell me.
How do you decide when and how to offer advice, if ever?Lillian Elizabeth 6.16.13
September 24th, 2013 09:42 AM #3
I would say never. Unless it's specifically asked for - and even then, I would give it very kindly and cautiously. Unless that parent is doing something that could seriously harm the child, it's probably not the end of the world and the kid will be fine no matter what. Everyone is going to be giving them advice, let her doctors, immediate family, etc. give the advice (because they're going to anyway), you can just be her friend.Christine
Pregnancy #1: lost to mc, 10/11
Amelia Joelle arrived on 11/28/13 at 7 pounds, 4 ounces of pure beauty. Couldn't be happier to finally be mama!
Baby #2 - another GIRL! - due 8/1/16
September 24th, 2013 09:51 AM #5Senior Member
- Join Date
- Nov 2011
I would only give advice if asked, but there's nothing wrong with saying, "I started solids when my kid was ___." to open up a conversation about it. If she shows interest in why you waited longer than she did it would make sense to tell her...of course only do this if you can discuss the topic in a friendly and nonjudgmental way and it wouldn't ruin your friendship if she hears "your way" and still does it "her way". If you seems disinterested than she is certain of her decision and I wouldn't press the issue. All things considered her baby will probably survive just fine despite starting solids this young so if it was my friendship I wouldn't bring it up. I'm assuming she takes her child to a pediatrician and that she has internet access, so any questions she has or education she needs is there for her. IMO there are a million ways to raise a baby and we're all making a mistake in someone's eyes!
September 24th, 2013 12:13 PM #7Senior Member
- Join Date
- Jul 2013
My "friend" doesn't feed her four month old enough. She feeds him six ounces every six hours, and gives him water bottles if he gets hungry in between feedings, because they're trying to "move him along." They also refuse to get him up before eight, even if it means him crying in his crib for two hours, because they don't want him to think he has control over them. The poor baby ALWAYS stinks.
I give her parenting advice ALL THE TIME. She doesn't take it, but I still do, because I feel bad for her son. She leaves her baby in childcare at MOPS once a week, and the ladies in the nursery have complained to her countless times, and one of them, who is a friend of mine also, says that they're just trying to document enough neglect to go to social services.
ANYWAYS, I think it's okay to give unsolicited parenting advice if there is neglect or abuse.
September 24th, 2013 01:10 PM #9Senior Member
- Join Date
- Jan 2013
Never, unless another mother specifically asks. Unless she is significantly endangering her child I keep my mouth shut.
As mothers we're all just trying to do our best, and our best may not always be the social norm for what's the right thing to do.
So unless the little one was being harmed or abused, I'd keep my opinions to myself.
I know as a parent myself, it annoys the hell out of me when other mothers do it to me so I make a point of not passing any judgement unless specifically asked.
Amelie Clara (2008) & Daisy Madeline (2013).
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