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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Posts
    100

    One or more? How many kids do you want to have? :)

    So I was thinking about this the other day, because my BF is always teasing me that I'll want twelve children. Two or three has always been my magic numbers. I always pictured a perfect family with that many children. However, lately I've been picturing only having one child! Things may change once I actually do give birth to that one child. But I was wondering everyone elses take on how many they wanted!

    I always figured having more than one offers the opportunity for children to have a best friend within the family. And it gives the children role models and can give some moral lessons. Such as sharing and patience. Got to share your toys, and got to wait for mommy to do what she has to do before you can have her attention sometimes Is it harder to teach sharing when you only have one child? Do you just need to socialize more so he/she can practice sharing with other children?

    I'm just curious as to other peoples takes on how many children they want! What would be your perfect family- if your significant other was to totally agree with you, we'll say for the fun of it! And if you don't mind explaining, why do you want to have one / more than one child? Is there a specific reason, of you just feel its what you want? I hope there isn't another topic like this that I didn't notice <3

    Thank you for your opinions!
    Waiting to TTC!! <3

    If I had a baby right now...
    Roman Connor or Amelia Piper

  2. #2
    catloverd Guest
    I went from none, to 5, to 1. None was because my family wasn't the best family and I didn't want to have a child in fear I would screw that child up, however after seeing how close big families tend to be compared to my small one, it went to 5 (most adopted), but it went back down to 1 because I can't stand my fiance's nieces and nephew. I also grew up with a younger sister and I hated it. I don't want my child to end up with a sibling that they can't stand or feel like their the black sheep because the other one is better than the other. Also 1 is easier to afford and I would be able to pay for their college education. I defiantly only want 1.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Posts
    781
    My husband wanted 5 when we first met lol and for the longest time. I never really thought too deeply into it because you can neer predict life and I enjoy the surprises, but once we actually started discussing our future it came up. We talked numbers but I can't see past one. I honesty think that one may be the magic number. Who knows though. I am open to more but we dont want to plan that right now. I have talked to my friends who are only children and they all loved it.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    Posts
    1,186
    I can't answer your questions about only children.

    Our exact number changes often. We go from one or two more (5-6 total) to 8 to as many as God gives us. That's biological children. We plan to adopt down the line. I was originally interested in adopting an older child/ren (older than 6 or so). I don't want to disturb our family's birth order though so I put the adoption thing on hold. Now, I'm feeling led to adopt a special needs infant/toddler/preschooler someday. So, I think that will also be on hold until our bio children are out of the house or at least teens.

    I'd really love to be pregnant right now. However, I'm also very happy and blessed with our four little ladies right now.
    Wife to one great guy
    Mama to six pretty ladies: Scarlett (13), Penelope (10) Alice (4), Fiona (4), Lucille (2) & Coraline (2)

    & 4 angels gone before us: Christian (7 wks), Amos (6 wks), Naomi (16.5 wks), & Hosanna (6 wks)

    ~We fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.~

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Location
    Canada
    Posts
    1,909
    Ideally in a perfect world, I think we would have 4, 2 boys, 2 girls. BUT, if we got pregnant, with a boy, and a girl, 2 would be just fine. I just really want a son and a daughter, that's important to me. I would also really like to adopt one day, so we will have to see how it all works out in the future.
    As for teaching patience and etc to an only child, he/she will have friends/playdates/school and etc to help him/her learn those life/social skills. My Fiance is an only child, and he's far more patient than I, the youngest of 3 kids.


    {sleep wake hope and then}
    e.e cummings

    TTC Our First
    Hoping on a Rainbow
    —————
    7w6d - 6w - 4w - 12w - 5w
    Patience - Opal - Hope - Haven - Wren
    Always with me.



  6. #6
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Posts
    100
    Hehe, catloverd! Same as me! Family issues made me question wanting kids for a while. I went through a time where I wanted six kids. But realistically, I want my one child that I can have an easier time on finances with, so I can buy this kiddo anything they want/need especially afford college. I grew up with three siblings in a very dysfunctional family and tend not to appreciate them being around a lot of the time. I'd love a nice, small happy family.

    Hehe, wow!! Five is quite the bunch! I seem to hear a lot of friends that say they disike being an only child and want a sibling, but at the same time I do hear about those who love it. It gives a parent more time to pay their attention to that one child [which I suppose could be bad to a child at times ]. But that definitely is a good way to see it. I'll be happy with whatever life gives me, honestly. And my opinions are likely to change throughout time.. even if now I'm thinking one <3

    Thats so sweet that your interested in adopting!! Especially a special needs child I researched into adopting a while ago, my childhood best friend had a sister adopted from China. I remember hearing about the problems that occurred because of the Chinese people not wanting baby girls, and since then I wanted one so bad! I'm not sure if that will ever truly be a possibility to me, but maybe I can adopt a little more locally. Maybe I can think about that. I can raise my one biological child and once the child is older maybe adopt one. I'll have to wait and see what the future holds!

    That was my mothers dream as well, 2 boys and 2 girls! And she was fortunate enough to get just that! <3 To be completely honest, I am really hoping for a boy in the future. I would still be very happy with a little girl, but I'd love to have a boy. Who knows though, maybe I'll have a girl and down the road when she's older I can adopt a boy!
    Hmm, very true! School and friends certainly have a big influence on children! It makes a lot of sense (:
    Waiting to TTC!! <3

    If I had a baby right now...
    Roman Connor or Amelia Piper

  7. #7
    When I was younger, I always thought I'd have 4 kids, just like my mother. DH and I had our first daughter in 2005 and then thought maybe she would be the only one. I just couldn't imagine going through another pregnancy and having another baby, we just got so used to our little family unit. She began asking for a sibling and telling me she felt lonely and wanted a friend to play with. THat really broke my heart. My husband also said he wanted more kids and so I caved and finally said ok, one more--let's do it! We welcomed our second daughter last December. The day I brought her home from the hospital, I decided I want MORE! I don't know what she did to me but I've got serious baby fever. DH agrees, we will probably have one more, maaaaaybe two more but definitely no more than that!

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    Posts
    1,416
    Two or three, biological or adopted (or both). I have two sisters and LOVED having siblings--we are still each other's best friends, despite the years where we all wanted to sit in the front seat or "borrowed" out of one another's closets (well, we still do that). I like that they'll be able to play with one another, have company, keep one another occupied, etc. I feel like one's parents sadly pass away, friends move in and out, and a partner usually only knows you from your twenties/thirties on. But your siblings are (or could be--in my family, anyway, they are) the people who will have known you forever, remember things from your childhood with you, know what you were like the whole way through your getting to be you. That, to me, was always very special. So yeah, I want to be able to provide for my kids and cover college as best as I can, but I would rather have two than one.

  9. #9
    catloverd Guest
    Oh I forgot to mention, I only want 1 child, but my fiance' wants 2-3. What I really want are twins, so in reality, that would be 2, but I think twins are a lot closer than most siblings. My sister is is about 2 years younger than me. We NEVER really got along. I hated the whole "your older" thing. She was totally spoiled. I don't want my child to feel that way ever so I would only want 1 or twins because then they are the same age so I'd spoil them at the same time, haha! There would be no "drive your sister..." they both will be able to drive at the same age and both would get their freedom. I do love my sister, but we are defiantly not close and we don't share many things in common. We are two different people.

    I know only child's can get lonely, but you can set up play dates or get them pets! We have two cats now and are debating between getting 2 kittens to add to our cat family, haha! Or to get a puppy. We're leaning towards kittens because cats are way easier to care for.

    Honestly, I always wished I was an only child. I remember telling my parents tons of times "I wish you never had her!" Of course I was usually mad at her, but as I was older I constantly wondered what it would have been like if I was the only one. But again, don't let me crappy sibling experience change your mind! I know friends who have really good relationships with their sister. I just don't want to risk what happened to me happen to my child, so I am sticking with 1. My fiance' thinks I'll change my mind, I just roll my eyes at him, haha!

  10. #10
    Join Date
    May 2011
    Posts
    2,398
    For as long as I can remember, I've said that I want more than one but less than 5. I think I'll end up having 3, but I think I'll plan for a relatively sizable age gap (4-5 years, probably) between them, so who knows if I'll actually be able to get to the 3rd one if I time it like that. I'd like to have 3, though.

    I'd be happy with just one, though. I babysat an only child last summer and it was a blast. She's a wonderful kid, and quite busy. I'd have a great time if she were my only child (if she were my child at all, haha). She had no issues socializing or sharing at all, or at least that I saw. My best friend was an only child until she was 15, and I have to say that out of my group of friends, she's the most responsible, and the most well-rounded adult. I think her parents really did a fantastic job with her, and nothing about her says, "Spoiled only-child" at all. She's probably the hardest worker I know. She and I have been friends since we were 3 years old, so we were friends as kids and clearly didn't find her hard to interact with, lol. She's much better at being social than I am, to be honest.

    I definitely don't think that having more than one kid will guarantee that the siblings will be friends. One of my best friends can not STAND her sister (and her sister really seems to be pretty nasty). They haven't spoken in probably 7 or 8 years and we're only in our mid-20s.

    I do feel like my having siblings has really made me in to an easy-going person who picks their battles and lets things roll off their back. My mom is a big "pick your battles" person, though, but if I didn't have two brothers to 'practice' with, then I wouldn't have used the technique nearly as often. I love having siblings and I love my brothers. I've never wanted anything different.
    Almost all my family members have two kids (including second cousins and their kids and stuff), except my parents and my paternal grandparents, so I've always felt kind of drawn to 3. I'd LOVE to see the differences between three siblings. I think sibling dynamics are really interesting... not that I want to experiment on my own kids, lol.
    Last edited by lucialucentum; May 8th, 2012 at 03:18 PM.
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