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  1. #71
    Join Date
    Mar 2018
    Location
    Pennsylvania
    Posts
    297
    I think I'd probably want about 4 years or so between them, but I'm coming up on 30 now and we still aren't sure when we want to TTC so what do I know?

    Even so, I think I'd prefer the older child to have some independence established before introducing a sibling; I don't think I'm made of the sort of stuff required to get through two under two. I don't think that necessarily sacrifices closeness, either - my brother and I are 2 years and 10 months apart, and while we'll always have each other's backs, we're not particularly close, and sometimes go months without seeing one another, which is fine for us. My husband's sister is 2 years younger than him, as well, and while they've always gotten along, they've especially bonded in adulthood over the losses of their parents.

    Conversely, my sister is 12 years younger than me and we've always been close, and while it's true that being in such different stages of life keeps us from interacting regularly, I think our relationship will get even better as she comes into adulthood with me and we can finally do "adulty" things together.

    At the end of the day, no amount of planning and/or wishful thinking will guarantee that two distinct humans will get along with one another, and no one knows how life may demand our relationships change over time, so I figure I'd rather not stress about it and retain some of my sanity by managing one at a time!

  2. #72
    Join Date
    Mar 2013
    Location
    Maine
    Posts
    74
    I'm not a parent, but I thought this might be relevant. I have 4 half-siblings, but only consistently lived with one growing up. My sister, Katie, is 10 and a half years older than I am. It was definitely a big gap, but we got along fantastically and continue to do so. Sure, we argued sometimes and she sometimes picked on me, and I'd sneak into parties with her friends when they were around, etc. But she also taught me a lot, always was there to help me out, and always made me feel safe when I had anxiety attacks. There were times when she was the only person who could calm me down. Additionally, she had her first kid when I was 9, and her second when I was 11. When I was in 6th grade I used to babysit them for her when I came home so she could have a break for a bit until our parents came home to help out. It was truly an awesome experience. To this day, she and I can trust each other with things we'd never tell anyone else, and we still have a very strong bond, and I've got a strong bond with her kids, too. This probably seems mostly like me just rambling, but I wanted to post this just to say that large age gaps can be really great, too, and so you shouldn't worry if you're not ready or don't want to have kids really close together but are worried about their bond. It's amazing how strong sibling love can be, even with a large age gap.
    Call me Penn!

  3. #73
    Join Date
    Nov 2019
    Posts
    24
    I would love to have a big family because they seem more fun. Lots of things going on around the house at once, and my dream is to be that house on the block that always hosts parties, the kids come over. Then again, my dream is to be a stay at home mom and I've yet to find a fiance. I have one brother three and a half years younger and the house would always be very quiet. I would like having at least three children. Four is my ideal number, five the max. Since it is dangerous to have children after your mid thirties, I would have to plan to end my last pregnancy around thirty five. So the spacing between children is less an issue for me than the actual number of children. But of course I would have to rest after I've given birth to allow all my tissues to heal and I'm not going to do anything that would hurt me. I would also like to lose a little weight before taking on another child. In general though, I think eight years is the maximum age difference I would allow between the youngest child and the baby-to-be.
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  4. #74
    Join Date
    Jul 2017
    Posts
    2,595
    I had planned on two years apart, but my kids are 14 months apart. I wouldn't change it! I had them on the same schedule and it was very difficult, but they have always been friends. They loved playing together.

    I was happy when we were done with bottles and diapers, and even happier knowing I would never have to do it again!

    However, that was me. I don't think there's a magic number for everyone, just like the # of children is different for each family. You have do what's best for you, your situation and your family.

  5. #75
    Join Date
    Apr 2019
    Posts
    20
    My sister and I are just over 2 years apart and we’ve always been thick as thieves.

    My husband has 4 sisters with age gaps of between 18 months and 4 years.

    We had our daughter in July of last year and I am pregnant again. We wanted to have our kids close in age after ttc for 3 years. Our kids would wind up 15 months apart. It’s close, I know, and it will be difficult at times I can’t wait to see them be each other’s best friend.

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