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  1. #6

    Re: Surnames in complicated families?

    Thanks everyone, the twins are 15 and I've suggested it to them. They've pretty much said they'll go with what I do (they want the link to me) but have concerns about how it would work at school. They have no contact with their father (he left before they were born and was fairly explicit that he wanted nothing to do with them...). DH and I have been together since they were 6 and married 8 years and they do consider him their Dad. Lucas (DH's son) is very enthusiastic about the idea and Nigel is only 4 so doesn't really fully understand! Our surnames don't really work hyphenated: is a bit of a mouthful! I'm mainly concerned about the effect on the twins at school etc. Any ideas what you would do? Thanks

  2. #8
    Join Date
    Apr 2010

    Re: Surnames in complicated families?

    In your family situation, with the step-father really being the only father figure, I say it would be a lovely gesture to change your surname so that you all 'match'. With your boys being 15, my first instinct was that perhaps changing a surname while they are still at school might embarrass them. But divorce/separation et cetera is so common nowadays that someone would have to be pretty narrow-minded to say anything snide, and if anyone does then I doubt they'll get much support from the rest of the boys' peers. Certainly, if your boys are committed to the change, they'll be able to ignore one or two less pleasant comments.

    The paperwork is going to be a hassle whenever the change is made, too, so you might as well go ahead and do it now rather than wait - actually, it might be beneficial to get it done so that any certificates for SATs, high school graduation et cetera are in the name they'll have when they're applying for jobs later on, to avoid any unnecessary confusion. (I'm in the UK, so apologies if I've made any mistakes regarding how qualifications work in the US.)


  3. #10
    Join Date
    Mar 2011

    Re: Surnames in complicated families?

    We also have this issue. I am a Fleck. My son that i had when I was 16 is also a Fleck. I am now common-law with my husband who is a Cronkhite. We had 1 daughter and her last name is Fleck Cronkhite (no hyphen just a space). Then we had a second daughter and her last name is Cronkhite (she has Fleck as a 2nd middle name). So our 3 kids all have different last names: Fleck, Fleck Cronkhite, and Cronkhite. Our 4th is due in a few weeks. We are going with Cronkhite again this time. It is pretty confusing I have to say. Sometime people get the kids names wrong (prescriptions, school certificates, etc) Oh well. Its just a last name. If I get called Mrs. Cronkhite I dont really care.

  4. #12
    Join Date
    May 2011

    Re: Surnames in complicated families?

    I know a family who just chose a random last name that they all liked and they use that. Sort of strange for the family tree, but it worked great for them!

    I've also known people who combined parts of their names somehow to have a combination name that is only one word.

    I think it's okay to be a little creative with this, especially if it is increasingly important to you to have the whole family with one surname.

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