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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Apr 2011

    Parent of Only Child (Not by Personal Choice)

    Hi, I was almost 32 when I had our son 10 weeks prematurely. He's 8 now and you would never know he was a preemie. I had a m/c Labor Day weekend 2011 at age 39 and have accepted that he will probably be our only child. Then I read through the "What's it like to be an only child?" forum that is now closed and the disadvantages/advantages of having siblings. The sad truth is that sometimes you can't provide your child with a sibling. Some people assume that we're being selfish when in reality I have struggled with infertility for seven years. I've had close friends tell me that I should give our son a sibling because it would help him to be a better person and realize that "the world doesn't revolve around him." Meanwhile, all the teachers, camp counselors, friends' moms, relatives and acquaintances he has ever met comment on what a genuinely sweet and caring boy our son is. Our son is not spoiled or over indulged at all. He willingly gives his used toys to the family next door that has three younger boys and wants to pick out gifts for charity. He is smart, funny, considerate and has excellent social skills. He was voted by his classmates as the student demonstrating the best character (Adaptability, Compassion, Respect, etc.) traits in his grade. So, I would like to speak up on behalf of parents who only have one child. Please don't make us feel that our child is suffering because he/she doesn't have a sibling. Especially if we have hoped that we could give him/her one. Thank you!

  2. #3
    norseberry Guest
    Hi there,
    I know many only children and they are sweet kids. They are much more adult like and very polite. So don't let people tell its not so!

  3. #5
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    everlea Did you know that in Latvia it has been the culture of the country to mainly have only children? That's right a whole nation of only children (not so much now but in the past).

    Don't let those know it alls spoil the pleasure you have in your familly. It is none of their business as to how many kids you decide upon and you don't have to tell them it wasn't by choice.

    Last edited by rollo; September 15th, 2012 at 01:17 AM.
    Psalm 23

  4. #7
    Join Date
    May 2012
    Everlea, I have also read similar posts, not on here, but on facebook where a friend of mine asked what people would think if she and her husband decided to not have any more children. Different situation from yours, I know. The responses shocked me. People have very strong opinions on the importance of siblings and I stopped reading when I read that someone said "an only child is a lonely child". Absolutely ridiculous! Not only do I completely disagree, I believe that comments like these stem from ignorance.

    I agree with Rollo. You shouldn't feel the need to explain to anyone why you have one child. I understand how insensitive people can be and feeling the need to explain, however it is no ones business.

    Your son sounds amazing!

    As an aside...many of my friends are very close with their sibling(s), and just as many have absolutely nothing in common and dread spending time with just never know.

  5. #9
    Join Date
    Jul 2012
    I just... don't understand how this keeps becoming such a huge issue. Why the heck do people care how many kids other people have?! (Barring, of course, they aren't having 30.)

    If you have one kid, I don't care. If you have one kid by choice, I don't care. If you have one kid because multiple kids weren't in the cards for you... I just don't care. I empathize with your situation, but why the heck would I judge you regardless of what that situation was?

    So.... I don't understand the extremely vehement opinions on this - either way.

    BTW, we are struggling with fertility as well. If we can only have one child... so be it! We will love God's blessing on our family and care less what people think!

    Thank you for your thoughts. I hope that ignorant (yes, if you haven't walked in someone's shoes - you are ignorant,) comments don't continue to make you feel upset about your situation. Go give a hug to your little miracle and feel better!
    bio: Raphael David, Ignatius Peter
    fostering: M & J

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    Rosemary, Susannah, Nazareth, Georgia, Theodora, Fawn
    Ulysses, Thaddeus, Laszlo, Woodrow, Leopold

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