Menu
  
Page 1 of 2 1 2 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 13

Thread: Adoption

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Aug 2019
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    495

    Adoption

    Hi Guys,

    I was wondering if anyone here has adopted children before? This is something I'm interested in, but also a little worried about. I live in the UK so I would like to hear stories from people living in the UK who have adoption experience, but also would love to hear anyone's experiences with adoption. I'm 22 soon so I'm not expecting to adopt soon, but I would still like to hear about it.

    Aside from that, I'd like this to be an inclusive space so if you've thought about it, or are interested, or even want to find out more, feel welcomed here.

    Let's all try to be polite and respect everyone's opinions too, though I have no doubt that that will be the case because Nameberry is pretty good in that regard, in my experience.

    I'm gonna start by introducing what I'm thinking about in terms of adoption: so I have quite a strong urge to adopt. I don't feel such a strong urge to give birth as I do to parent, and I think it would fit my personality and experience well because the grief/ trust issues is something that I understand.

    I love the idea of building a relationship with a child that isn't biologically my own, but that becomes my own through love, patience and understanding. I am open to ethnicity and I can see myself adopting 2 children within roughly a similar age gap, possibly a sibling group.

    I can see myself adopting children who are young, probably under 5, but I would be interested in learning more about older children if that's something someone has information about.

    I would be good to stay in contact with foster carers or others who have been in contact with the child and/or nurtured them in some way, but I feel a little weird about keeping in contact with biological parents.

    What do you guys think about the concept of staying in touch with biological parents? Not sure if this is even a requirement, but I think it's possible.


    Feel free to comment or share your own thoughts and feelings regarding adoption.



    P.s. sorry if there's already a thread like this somewhere... I couldn't find it :s
    Last edited by ferix08; December 12th, 2019 at 05:05 PM.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Dec 2019
    Location
    Turkey
    Posts
    39
    I don’t live in UK, and I never adopted a child, but I want to share my story as an adopted child.

    My parents adopted me and my brother when we were 7.

    Actually they’re not legally married (homosexual marriages aren’t legal here), so just one of them legally adopted us and we lived as a family. We call them with their first names because there isn’t any synonym of “father” or “dad” in Turkish, but we mention them as “dad”.

    I don’t know anything about my biological family, they left me and my brother hours after we were born. Sometimes I wonder them, I wonder who am I looking like, I wonder why did they leave me, I wonder if they’re still alive. But if they’re alive, I don’t want to meet them. I have a family, I have two lovable fathers, I have a brother, and now I have my own children. They aren’t a part of my life.

    Our parents didn’t change our first names, they just added second first names. We were named Leyla and Tarık, now we’re Leyla Lalin and Tarık Levin. (In Turkey, there aren’t middle names, you have one or two first names)

    After they adopted us, we lived such a good childhood, full of happiness and love.

    Few children in school bullied me because I’m adopted and few bullied just because my parents are homosexual. But I never mind them, I love both my fathers.

    Now I’m 34 and I have 4 sons, they’re all biological but I’d like to adopt a child. My brother has 3, 1 biological and 2 adopted. His children get on well with each other, and there’s no difference between them, they’re all equal.

    I support adoptions, and I hope in the future, every child will have a loving family.
    Last edited by leyla_lalin; December 17th, 2019 at 11:21 AM.
    Lalin, 34, interior designer, children’s books illustrator, name nerd, mum of 4 little boys and expecting a little girl

    Avery Matthew “Ave” & Riley Gideon “Rhys”
    Ellery Cole “Ellis” & Monroe Blake “Rory”
    Nicholas Flynn “Cole”
    & Penelope Quinn “Poppy”
    Lorraine Stella “Rain” & Adelaide Luna “Adele”
    Eve Lavender “Evie” & Esther Violet “Estie”

    GPs: Viviette, Loulabelle, Ethelinde, Jennings, Crimson

  3. #3
    I am not adopted nor have I adopted, and I live in the US so I wish I could offer more personal experience. However, I am close in age to you and also feel a very strong calling to adopt, and wonder a lot about the ups and downs and ins and outs of adopting.

    I watch a lot of youtube videos about adoption, and I follow vloggers who have adopted children and share all about their lives and experiences for their followers (I would search Phil & Alex and This Gathered Nest to start). They are incredible resources when it comes to the emotions and little details that go into adoption that you can’t always find by reading articles.
    Not that you shouldn’t read those either!

    Nameberry is just one place you can ask about adoption. I haven’t searched for them yet, but I’m sure there are adoption forums on other sites with a lot of Q and A’s that can help give you more info.

    By the way, in regards to birth parents, one thing I’ve learned from watching the vloggers I mentioned is that while adoption is beautiful and amazing, it is also very heartbreaking and difficult, particularly for the birth mother who is sacrificing her own child to give it a better life (cases in foster care might be a little different, but every child has a birth mother). You should feel comfortable and willing to do everything you can to either maintain a relationship with the birth parents (if they want one) or to keep a positive memory of your child’s birth parents alive for as long as they live (if birth parents dont want a relationship). This is a very important example of putting your child’s needs before your own.
    Good luck!
    Rosa ~ Haven ~ Irie ~ Frances ~ Eve ~ Primrose ~ Olivine ~ Georgia ~ Lucille ~ Mirabelle ~ Valley ~ Carolina ~ Prynne ~ Freya ~ Maisie ~ Calypso ~ Odessa ~ Katalina ~ Esperanza ~ Louise

    Ambrose ~ Octavio ~ Cristiano ~ Idris ~ Vicente ~ Roman ~ Abel ~ Imre ~ Francisco ~ Ichigo ~ Thorin ~ Cedric ~ Valerian ~ Silas ~ Callum ~ Alarlc ~ Felix ~ Alejandro ~ Salem ~ Theo

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Nov 2016
    Location
    Greece
    Posts
    3,771
    I heavily suggest checking out reddit, they have a subreddit called r/adoption or something similar. There are a lot of stories from people who have adopted and people who were adopted, with a lot of information and advice.
    There's also a channel on Youtube called Real Families, they reupload British documentaries from the 2000s and early 2010s I believe and they have a couple videos on adoption.
    I haven't adopted but I'm looking into it. I'm gay and not into the idea of getting pregnant, so if my future wife isn't into the idea of a sperm donor we'll probably be going the adoption route. I'm still young but I love the idea of motherhood and have done a lot of research on adoption over the years, though it's challenging when most resources are US-based (I'm moving to the UK soon). Ideally I'd like to adopt one young kid, and when they're out of the house foster a lot of older teens who need it.
    💐💐💐
    ❤ Clementine Edith Pearl ❤
    Dorothy Lilac • Gwendolen Bee • Heidi Rosemary • Lavender Belle
    Lettie Rosalind • Marguerite Joy 'Mae' • Rosamund Lane • Winifred Hope

    ❤ Lionel Forrest Jude ❤
    Clement Wilde 'Clay' • Clyde Peregrine • Edmund Wolfe • Fergus Frederick
    Percy Noble • Reuben Sage • Seamus Bear • Stanley Ocean

  5. #5
    I live in New Zealand but I plan to move to either the US , Canada or Scotland one day and a lot of what you describe is what I feel (particularly the part about not being attached to being pregnant). I love the idea of growing your family not just by the child you welcome but by the child's biological family too (only child syndrome lol). I'm also on the autistic spectrum and whilst I would care from a spectrum child just like any other parent would have to and would be honored to , it would be nice to be able to enjoy my child/rens toddler years without having to be on edge and watching for signs. Domestic infant adoption will probably be my only choice though because I'm not sure I would be let in to a foster care/international program due to the stigma around autism.

    I would highly recommend listening to adoption now. They have episodes on everything from foster care to embryo adoption to adopting siblings. There is also a episode with a British couple (Earl and Rebecca)
    Boy Today : Bingley Maxwell
    Girl Today : Delta Ruth


    ➸ Haven Dorothy ➸ Jolie Charlotte ➸ Zuri Evelyn ➸ Clary Violet ➸
    ➸ Waverly Tess ➸ Jensen Daphne ➸ Hayes Lila ➸ Brett Caroline ➸
    ➸ Denver Kaitlyn ➸ Shiloh Autumn ➸ Merritt Amelia ➸ Quincy Annabel➸
    ➸ Penny Teagan ➸ Sterling Brianne ➸ Chandler Emma ➸ Lacey Eleanor ➸
    ➸ Ainsley Brooke ➸ Hallie Claire ➸ Neve Harper ➸ Clove Reese ➸
    ➸ Keziah Alice ➸ Henley Maya ➸ Brighton Ava ➸ Navy Gwyneth ➸

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Aug 2019
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    495
    Thanks all, for your responses.

    For some reason I am unable to paste in my more detailed response :/

    @leylalalin Thank you for sharing your story. So good to hear of positive stories of adoption. Was the adoption in Turkey/ did you grow up in Turkey? Thank you :-)

    It's so nice to hear that others feel the same way as me. I'll be sure to check out the channels/ podcast recommended. I can only share Grace for the Millers who are an adoption family I watch on Youtube. Though there is also a British youtuber who has some videos talking about her adoption process @emmievis, though I must admit, my impression of UK adoption has not been a very positive or encouraging one, (like most things about the UK, eyeroll).
    Last edited by ferix08; December 14th, 2019 at 04:11 PM.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Jul 2017
    Posts
    2,552
    Yes! So, so happy for you to be exploring this option. I think adoption is WONDERFUL! I do not have personal experience with adoption, but I know I could love an adopted child as much as if I had given birth to them.

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Aug 2019
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    495
    @summs Totally! I feel like in the future adoption is going to be more of a topic and something people are genuinely wanting to do. I really hope so anyway for multiple reasons. I'm thinking about fostering too, but again, everything is a little blurry for me; more research needed :-)

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Aug 2017
    Posts
    995
    I have no experience of adoption myself but I have heard it is difficult to adopt domestically in the UK, especially if you want to adopt a baby rather than an older child. And you have to meet the eligibility criteria.

    Recently in the news there was a story about an British Indian couple who were told by their local council that they couldn't adopt because all the children available in the area for adoption were white (the couple sued the council and won). They eventually adopted a son from the USA.

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Dec 2019
    Location
    Turkey
    Posts
    39
    @ferix08 Yes, both my biological family and adopted family are Turkish, I grew up in Turkey and I’m still living there
    Lalin, 34, interior designer, children’s books illustrator, name nerd, mum of 4 little boys and expecting a little girl

    Avery Matthew “Ave” & Riley Gideon “Rhys”
    Ellery Cole “Ellis” & Monroe Blake “Rory”
    Nicholas Flynn “Cole”
    & Penelope Quinn “Poppy”
    Lorraine Stella “Rain” & Adelaide Luna “Adele”
    Eve Lavender “Evie” & Esther Violet “Estie”

    GPs: Viviette, Loulabelle, Ethelinde, Jennings, Crimson

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •