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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Dec 2019
    Posts
    2

    Body image issues

    Hello all,
    I know some of you might find this suspicious but I created a new account to post this because I’m too embarrassed to use my original one. I’ve been around for several years and I have nowhere else to go so here is.
    (Trigger warning, I guess?! Mental health, body image issues, self-harm)
    I think I just really need to get it off my chest but I’m in a terrible mental state right now. I’ve always been a very unhappy person, having suicidal thoughts and hurting myself. I literally consider myself the ugliest, silliest, most terrible person on this planet. I hate myself and I am sure my family would be happier if I had not been born. Today I was told the reason I look ugly is that I am so fat. What my mother does not know is that I have struggled with body image issues since I was about 12. I was an early bloomer and hated everything about it. I’ve been dieting for almost ten years but I still can’t lose weight. I hate my body and I hate my face. I never smile, I can’t stand being photographed and I’m saving money for my first plastic surgery (breast reduction). Most people in my family are either overweight or obese, even though we try to eat clean.
    What should I do? Does anybody know of any diets that actually work so I can finally lose weight and love myself? I need to lose 30-35lbs but I can’t exercise regularly because of a heart condition. Apart from that, I am pretty healthy and I’ve already been to an endocrinologist.
    P.S. Sorry for my grammar, I can’t stand to read this over right now.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Aug 2019
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    493
    Hey there,

    I'm so sorry that you're feeling this way and have had to endure what you have.

    I cannot say much, but I'll my best. I know of a youtuber who eats a KETO diet which he has endorsed. He's Stephen Miller of the channel "Grace for the Millers". Maybe that's something you could look into.

    As for everything else, perhaps what you could try to do is minimise contact with your mother or anyone else who affects your emotional state negatively - at least until you've perhaps spent time alone with yourself and got to a better place emotionally.

    When I feel down, getting it out really helps me. I'm more used to writing as from a young age I wrote diary entires from time to time and these were usually written when I was feeling down so it'a become a habit. Perhaps for you it's speaking it aloud to yourself or thinking about it in your head, that's up to you, but I would definitely recommend it because once you can see/ hear etc what it is that's worrying you, it feels more manageable somehow. It's sort of like when you do a small amount of work and it makes you feel more in control of what you initially could not even fathom. Don't force yourself - take your time and do this when you feel ready and willing. It's okay to take your time.

    Another great thing to do that always helped me was writing down possible solutions, and then also, thinking about what is causing the issue. Try to keep digging into the root cause. Say for example you think to yourself that the issue is that you're overweight, and that that's what's making you feel down, attempt to go a little further, i.e. why do I feel down about being overweight? There will probably be a lot to think about and that's okay, you can take your time and always come back.

    If i'm honest with you, doing what I have described right here has saved my life. I have no idea where or who I would be if I hadn't developed this type of technique over the years. Just to say as well, it did take a while, so don't worry if it's hard or it doesn't seem to be working or you just feel like giving up, it's okay to feel like that, and you can always put it down and leave it for later.

    Something that's really helped me with body/ image issues and insecurities is remembering that what we believe to be beautiful in this society is fabricated. I know it's hard but it's worth trying to remember that because it's the truth. Another thing that has really helped me is drawing unconventional beauty. I love drawing anything that is the opposite of what society likes to tell us is the "correct" kind of beautiful. It really helps me feel confident that beauty is not constrained to a little box of someone else's ideals because I see the beauty in those other things that society doesn't think is beautiful and that to me shows that what we are taught about beauty is wrong and far too closed-minded.

    Other than that, try to focus on the things you like about who you are. They can be the smallest things. Self-love starts within.

    Hope this has helped. Good luck!

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jul 2012
    Location
    USA
    Posts
    12,140
    I would recommend scheduling an appointment with a psychologist. The way that you write about yourself indicates this issue may be stemming from a mental illness.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Mar 2016
    Location
    Germany
    Posts
    1,924
    What southern.maple said!

    Also maybe check out the works of Abby Howard of Junior Scientist Power Hour. She used to be where you are right now and is very outspoken about how she deals with it. (And also a very fun and worth-following person in general)
    Wanda | 24 | statistics student | I brought marshmallows, let's burn this world down
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  5. #5
    Join Date
    Dec 2019
    Posts
    2
    Thank you so much for your replies!

    @ferix08, I’m sorry you’ve been through a similar situation. You must be a very strong and brave person. It’s funny that you’ve mentioned keto because I’ve been thinking about giving it a go. Maybe this can be my New Year’s resolution?
    Keeping a diary is such a great idea, but I’m afraid it won’t work for me. I used to be a writer but I quit because I hate my writing, rereading it makes me feel uneasy and embarrassed. I’m going to try and start keeping mental notes, I feel like this technique would suit me better.
    I know you are right and beauty IS a fabricated concept, and yet I do not feel beautiful at all. I suppose I need to work on my perception of beauty because simply following “unconventional beauty” accounts does not do anything to me (which is very unfortunate).
    Thank you for your words of wisdom and giving me some food for thought.

    @southern.maple & @wandarine, I really appreciate you taking the time to reply, but I cannot afford to see a therapist right now. I know it would be my best bet, but right now it’s not possible. Thanks again.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Aug 2019
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    493
    @tempaccount so glad I could help. For years I couldn't really write creatively for the same sort of reason but these days, after my self-love and self-awareness journey, I have finally made a break through. I believe we can all achieve this, so I wish you the best of luck! Seems like you're on your way - not everyone is aware that beauty is even a questionable concept!

    Good luck with keto if you try it !

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Location
    England
    Posts
    5,453
    Hello! I don’t want to publicly post much here, but I have in the past (and present if I’m fully honest) experienced some of this and would really happily talk about it privately if you drop me a message. I’m so sorry you’re dealing with these emotions (and rude people) right now.

    I would second southern.maple’s comment too: no matter how sincere they are, thoughts of suicide are always a sign you should seek help if that’s a possibility for you.

    Sorry this isn’t much to offer, but I really wish you the best regardless x
    Last edited by oliviasarah; December 7th, 2019 at 04:38 PM.
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  8. #8
    Join Date
    Jul 2017
    Posts
    2,546
    You don't need to lose weight. If you want to become healthier then work on that. Go for walks, make healthier food choices, don't let this world's twisted view of impossible beauty "standards" influence the way you think of yourself. You only get one body and it's beautiful. Take care of it.

    Look at yourself in the mirror. Really look. You are beautiful. Don't let anyone make you think that you aren't. Every body is different & each one is wonderful. Not convinced? Read blogs on body positivity, etc. Find an outfit or lipstick that makes you feel great. What are you good at? Everyone is good at something. Find something to do that makes you feel great. Read, walk, sing in the shower, volunteer. Work on your self confidence, not your dress size.

    This world will not be better without you. There would be a huge hole in so many hearts if you were gone. Write yourself positive messages on sticky notes and put them everywhere so you can constantly remind yourself of how great you are.

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Nov 2019
    Posts
    24
    I would not recommend going to a psychologist. Instead of involving a third party, I've always found it better to focus on the root issues that's causing you trouble and find the solution in your everyday life. For example, are the body image issues a reaction to the negative comments by your family? I've been to many psychologists and known at least three psychiatrists and all they do is listen and sympathize to your rants. If you feel like you need someone to talk to right then and there, I would recommend the national suicide hotline or just taking a few deep breaths - as many as it takes for you to begin to think clearly again. Or you can go to sleep and come back to it in the morning. Remember that you yourself know what is best for you better than anyone. I've found that if you think deeply about what is worrying you, it actually turns out to be nothing.
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  10. #10
    Join Date
    Jul 2014
    Location
    York, England
    Posts
    188
    I have severe body image issues and I was recently diagnosed with Body Dysmorphic disorder.

    Some of your comments are very similar to the intrusive thoughts I have about the way I look. I would consider seeing someone about them, as it sounds like this is having a huge impact on your day to day life. I'm currently having CBT for my BDD (amongst other things) and it is truly helping. I find it helps just having someone to load off on. It's likely that you look just fine but it's hard to look past the intrusive thoughts and I can completely relate to that.

    Mine started because my mother would be constantly fretting about my appearance quite vocally, which then projected onto me and I become overly concerned about my own also. I was also bullied in school, about my appearance, which amplified it a little. I managed to cope with it going into adulthood but since having babies it has come back again in full swing. I never really admitted it until recently and finally brought it up with someone and got the diagnosis and it made a lot of sense.

    All the best. I'm sorry you're feeling this way.
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