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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jul 2019

    Questions about Parenthood?

    Hi! I’m not actually a mother, but I wanted to understand certain things from the point of a mother and find out how they decided on rules and names and such.

    1.) How did you pick your child(ren)’s names?
    2.) Did you have a baby shower? What was it like?
    3.) Did you wait till birth to learn the gender or learn before?
    4.) If you have more than one child, did/do they share a room?
    5.) What are a few uncompromisable rules that you have for your child(ren)?
    6.) What is one thing that your child(ren) do that never fails to piss you off?
    7.) What color(s) was/is the nursery?
    8.) What is one thing that people tell you about your parenting/lifestyle with children that greatly annoys you?

    If you find a question offensive or just don’t like it, please don’t answer! I don’t mean to make anybody uncomfortable. Thank you so much for taking the time out of your day to respond!

    Phoebe Aurelia Joy, Viola Beatrix Wren,
    Kate Ione Lark, Apolline Bravery Bryn

  2. #2
    1. For Rosie, my husband and I had a list of three names we liked (same names in different order). Rosalie was #2 for both of us so it was the natural compromise. Her middle is from His Dark Materials which we both love. She was named the day I found out I was pregnant. Atty wad a process and a half, we couldn't agree on any boy names. Throughout my pregnancy my daughter latched on to Atticus when it was mentioned, but after a lot of back and forth we decided on Theodore around 37 weeks -- but when he came out he looked more like an Atticus. Jon is my husband's middle.

    2. I didn't really have a baby shower, didn't want one. Work threw me a little one at work which was nice, with some presents and cupcakes.

    3. We found out at the 20 week scan, but I "knew" with both from the start. I can't imagine leaving it a surprise, mamas who have the willpower to do that are amazing!

    4. We have an off-and-on cosleeping situation with both but yes, the idea is that they share a room. When they're older and they voice a need for more privacy we will separate them, but we want to get as much time having a guest room as possible!

    5. That they behave in public. If they are shouting, running through the store, talking back, chucking tantrums, etc., we leave. Not sharing with a friend at the park? We're gone. I get really embarrassed about stiff like that. So Rosie has learned very quickly and is an angel when we are out and about, most of the time.

    6. Talking back. I am the mother of an extremely intelligent, redheaded Threenager. The sass is strong. For Atty, he is a nightmare trying to get his diaper changed. He rolls over the second you put him down. Drives me crazy!

    7. We were renting and couldn't paint for Rosie, but when we moved we painted her room light green.

    8. "Oh, they might sleep if you ______." As though I haven't already tried literally everything. Or any unsolicited advice really. I spend my free time reading baby articles and forums, I'm more up to date than someone who raised a baby 30+ years ago.

    Mummy to Rosalie Lyra ("Rosie") 17.01.16
    and Atticus Jon ("Kit") 27.03.19

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jul 2012
    United States
    My little guy isn't born yet but still technically a mother!

    1. His first name we heard in a sermon at church, given by a man who was a mentor to my husband. We automatically both felt it was THE name for a son, should we have one someday. We liked that he'd get to have his own first name and not a family name for a first name plus it ties in with our journey to conceiving him. His first middle name is a family name, in a sense. Two relatives were named variants of the name Nathaniel, so we went with that. His second middle name is one of my husband's middle names.

    2. I'm not having one. Too much family drama, I don't like the attention, and I just don't see the need for one.

    3. We found out via genetic testing done at about 10 weeks (results came back about 2 weeks later).

    4. This will be our first but, should we have another child, they'd most likely share for at least a while, depending on what happens in the future.

    5. I really like @northernlights answer and really would love to implement that into my own parenting style. If I'm being realistic, I think that I/we will end up having to adapt to changes as not only the baby grows, but as we grow and as situations I'm struggling to come up with another answer to this question.

    6. He's still unborn, so he can't do much to upset me at this point! lol
    7. It's blue. That's what color it was when we bought the house and new paint is just an unnecessary expense right now.

    8. He isn't here yet but I'll just say ALL OF IT. DH and I intentionally tell our families and friends very little about the pregnancy and our decisions regarding how we will raise our son but people have found ways to latch on. They found out we intend to cloth diaper, so we got slammed with comments about how we will be too lazy to do it or about how difficult it is. They found out we are having a boy, so we got TONS of comments about circumcising vs not, gender roles...even how to not raise a "toxic male"! It just goes on and on...epidural vs none, breastfeeding vs bottle-feeding (and god forbid I say I am open to whatever works for us...apparently the only right answer is breastfeeding), onesies vs sleep sacks, vaccines vs anti-vaxx, etc. It is very annoying, to say the absolute least. People lose all tact once you get pregnant.

    Elim Nathaniel James due Feb 2020 <3

    "Beauty begins the moment you decide to be yourself"~ Coco Chanel

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Oct 2014
    PNW (US)
    1.) I made a list of all the names I love and could maybe see myself using. Then my SO and I did a process of elimination and narrowed it down to about 5 first names. We went back and forth on those 5 names before landing on the one!
    2.) I didn't have a baby shower since I don't love being the center of attention but people sent gifts anyway which was nice!
    3.) We found out she was a girl at the 20 week ultrasound.
    4.) I just have one but if I had two, they would each have a room.
    5.) Nothing really yet since she's so young.
    6.) I really hate it when she throws her food
    7.) Right now, it's all the colors of the rainbow. When we move, we're painting it a light coral.
    8.) My parents-in-law nitpick and question everything. I can't stand it...
    Mama to Beatrix

    Current favorite:
    Winifred Daisy Dot

    Dorothy Belle ۰ Mabel Violet ۰ Frances Eloise
    Winifred Daisy ۰ Rosemary Alice ۰ Louisa May
    Josephine West ۰ Prudence Marigold ۰ Harriet Ruby ۰ Pippa Lavender

    Archie Theodore ۰ Linus Arthur ۰ Casper Milo
    Ernest George ۰ Harry Oscar ۰ Fritz Albert
    August Rowan ۰ Rex Barnaby ۰ Reuben Leo ۰ Alfie Rupert

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Apr 2015
    1.) How did you pick your child(ren)’s names?
    With difficulty. We narrowed down our lists the best that we could, then when they were born we chose the one that we felt suited them best. It was never easy though.
    2.) Did you have a baby shower? What was it like?
    No I didn't.
    3.) Did you wait till birth to learn the gender or learn before?
    We learned before
    4.) If you have more than one child, did/do they share a room?
    They have their own rooms but regularly end up in the same bedroom
    5.) What are a few uncompromisable rules that you have for your child(ren)?
    I don't really have any uncompromisable rules, to be honest. People call me a free-range parent but really I just want my children to explore and do things their own way. Of course I have boundaries, but I'm good at compromising.
    6.) What is one thing that your child(ren) do that never fails to piss you off?
    Cos always asks for a specific meal then turns it down once I've cooked it. It's no biggie but it's irritating AF. She's a big foodie though so usually ends up giving in.
    7.) What color(s) was/is the nursery?
    We kept the walls neutral and decorated with accessories. We never really had a theme, but my husband described it as 'boho'. lol.
    8.) What is one thing that people tell you about your parenting/lifestyle with children that greatly annoys you?
    People just call me a hippie Mom. Whatever that means, lol. They say I'm not strict enough, my kids walk all over me, I don't discipline enough, etc.
    Married my best friend: August 13, 2012
    Cosima Edeline May - May 27th 2015
    Ondine Rohana - June 2nd 2018

    My uninspiring lists...
    Evadne, Eulalia, Indira, Aurelia, Novara, Leontine, Ariadne, Isolde, Eudora, Violetta, Rosalind
    Horatio, Percival, Alistair, Isidore, Ambrose, Leonidas, Atticus, Lucian, Robin, Atlas, Rainer, Caius

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Apr 2013
    Xi'An, China
    1.) How did you pick your child(ren)’s names? With Emiliana, I wanted an Italian first to honor my heritage and a Persian middle for DH's. From there we tried to find a name that fit those parameters. For Caspian, it needed to be a name that Iran would approve (it was sooo hard to get Emiliana's name approved). Caspian is more "Western", but is also the name of DH's city and the Caspian Sea. Kaveh is from Iranian mythology, to match Emiliana's Pari.
    2.) Did you have a baby shower? What was it like? Yes for both. The first was a bit more elaborate, with baby-themed games and food. The second was a surprise baby shower, and it was quite a bit simpler.
    3.) Did you wait till birth to learn the gender or learn before? Before for both. I wanted the time to prepare.
    4.) If you have more than one child, did/do they share a room? Yes, they have bunkbeds and it works perfectly. We will probably separate them when we move to Iran, given that they are not the same gender.
    5.) What are a few uncompromisable rules that you have for your child(ren)? No hitting, no biting, no lying, no keeping secrets, no calling people stupid, no repeatedly misbehaving in public, no bullying, no racist comments (we're expats), they must tell us if someone touches them where their bathing suit covers
    6.) What is one thing that your child(ren) do that never fails to piss you off? Emiliana likes to talk back. Not a fan.
    7.) What color(s) was/is the nursery? We didn't have a nursery as such... But the original kids' room was Ikea decorated... orange, red, green, blue, purple. Now they have a planet theme, so a lot of grey. We're planning rooms in Iran. Emiliana's will probably be pink, purple, blue, green, white, and grey. Caspian's will probably be blue, green, yellow, orange, and brown.
    8.) What is one thing that people tell you about your parenting/lifestyle with children that greatly annoys you? They expect mothers to pay attention to the kids 100% of the time. We can't have a life outside the kids. If the kids throw a tantrum, it is your fault. You should drop everything you're doing when they walk in the room.

    Name Nerd, Professor, Anthropologist, INTP, Expat, Mom


    Emiliana Pari 郑煜曈 '14
    Caspian Kaveh 郑煜祺 '17


    The Ones That Got Away
    Gentlemen: Raphael Bardia, Soren Aryo, Sidney Pasha, Tobias Rostam, Elias Bahram
    Ladies: Verity Azadeh, Artemisia Patrice, Aida Marguerite, Annora Laleh, Camellia Baran

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Jan 2019
    1. Trawled many books/sites for inspiration. Decided which ones I liked that suited my "rules" (syllables, initials, ending sound etc). Ran them past hubby for him to veto. Created shortlist. Narrowed shortlist down to 2 per gender. Decided after birth which suited baby best.
    2. Did not have a baby shower, don't really enjoy them. Instead we had a "come meet the baby" party a couple months after they arrived.
    3. Did not find out gender, and so glad we didn't. Loved finding out right after the birth.
    4. Happy for my kids to share a bedroom for as long as they both want to.
    5. Don't tolerate violence or unkindness.
    6. I find the whinging and clingyness really hard to deal with sometimes - I'm working on my patience!
    7. We never really set up a nursery or redecorated. Bedroom was a nice pale peachy cream colour. Keep furnishings pretty earthy tones.
    8. I think people giving you unwanted opinions can be tough. I'm still breastfeeding my 2 year old and some people think that I'm doing us both a disservice by continuing.

  8. #8
    Join Date
    May 2015
    1. For first name I suggested loads which hubby vetoed 99% of and said “yeh that's ok I guess” to a very few, and he suggested a total of 2 which I vetoed. After she was born we tossed about the ones we both liked until we settled on the one that felt right. For middle I had free reign, picked one to honour bunch of much loved family (most of whom have passed away): Joan, John, Jane, Ann.

    2. Yep. Nice to see people and had some lovely gifts and a few fun games. Some games a bit cheesy and kinda felt immature. Felt bit awkward being centre of attention and getting gifts just for getting pregnant.

    3. Found out at 20 week scan. Way too excited to wait and didn't see the difference between finding out at birth or early. After going through birth though, I wonder if having an extra surprise as a reward after all that might be worth waiting for?! But I did have a crap birth in some ways, and dunno if I've got enough willpower to not find out.

    4. N/A

    5. None. I don't want hard and fast rules. There'll be boundaries for sure, but I don't see my job as being to enforce rules but rather as being to teach: teach her how to manage her emotions, how to keep herself physically and mentally healthy, empathy and care for others, personal responsibility and sustainability of the planet, etc.

    6. Nothing yet! She's not even one. I find the clinginess really hard but it doesn't piss me off, it's just a big change from how life used to be that I'm still adjusting to. My older boy though, of the feline variety, loves trying to jump on her when she's just fallen asleep on my lap, or come down the hallway yowling at the top of her lungs seconds after she's drifted off. That pisses me off!

    7. Room was light purple when we bought the house, and we haven't bothered to re-paint. Honestly, her room has just become a massive dumping ground for baby things as we never even managed to get her in there... was in bassinet in our room til 4 months, then she decided to move into our bed.

    8. I've got this really lovely neighbour (genuinely lovely!) but she did everything different to how we do, and sometimes it feels like she's a little judgy about us, and she always shares advice how they shoved dummies in their babies and dosed them up on pamol... def not co-sleeping or having a messy house because you'd rather allow baby to be clingy than listen to them cry!
    Babe #1
    Possible future babes:
    Owen • Ralph • Patrick • Tristan • Jeremy • Peter • Charlie
    Sylvia Grace • Kate • Miriam • Valerie • Josie • Amelia • Elsie • Georgia

  9. #9
    Join Date
    May 2013
    1. Our first has two family names from two women we really wanted to honor. Our second - if it was a boy he would have a middle after my father in law, if it was a girl she would have a middle after my dad. It was a girl so she has a twist on my dads name as her middle. For her first name - we both kept giving options that we liked, ended up with a short list of three. We threw out one as it’s too close to my sister in laws name, we threw out another because we like it better for a boy (Rowan) and ended up with Margot.
    2. For my first we did. It was a co-ed party with no baby games. (I insisted!) It ended up being a really fun party. We didn’t want a baby shower for my second and we ended up doing a gender reveal party instead. It was a great way to celebrate the baby without asking for gifts. It turned out really fun too.
    3. We found out with my first at the 20 week scan. I could have waited l, but my husband really wanted to know. With my second, he found out at the 20 week scan and I waited until our reveal party. Which was about one month later.
    4. They have separate rooms. We have a three bedroom. But they will share if we have another baby.
    5. I don’t really have any. My oldest is two.
    6. Not too much. She’s two, so she’s in the tantrum stage right now, but it’s because she’s learning how to communicate.
    7. My older daughter has a Grey and white striped room. The grey is ozark shadows by Benjamin Moore. The little ones room is hazy sky’s by Benjamin Moore and one wall is white shiplap.
    8. I’ve never really gotten annoying advice or had people be too judgy towards me. My MIL was a little overbearing in my first pregnancy but I nipped that in the bud pretty quick !
    Hazel Jane 2017 / Margot Brynn 2019

    Husband approved: Tucker Ross and Rowan Maxwell

    Dreaming about: Iris Wren, Vivian Renee, Blythe Alexandra, Daphne Briar, Gwendolyn Bell, Piper Ophelia, Juliet Greer, Phoebe Adele, Lana Beatrix

    Alternatives: Jude, Flynn, Jasper, Tristan, Dashiell, Wilder

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Feb 2019
    1.) How did you pick your child(ren)’s names?

    We both had names we originally loved. Alice was my favorite and Eleanor was his. He had bad associations with Alice and so it was vetoed, I just wasn't feeling Eleanor for this baby (but may do for future babies!). He found Harriet on my long list and said he liked it, I obviously liked it too (alongside all the consequent nicknames) and it just felt right and so Hattie got her name, I couldn't imagine her as anything else now.

    Her middle was originally just going to be Rose because I enjoyed the flow but someone mentioned that it sounded double barreled and I didn't want any confusion so we added Elizabeth in - this was a name we both adored but couldn't use as a first name because there'd be bad associations along with our last name (due to an infamous Elizabeth) and we disliked nickname options. Both Elizabeth and Rose also had family connections.

    2.) Did you have a baby shower? What was it like?

    No baby shower for me, I hate being centre of attention and so avoided it. I had multiple people asking for one though and did have a little work thing in the end.

    3.) Did you wait till birth to learn the gender or learn before?

    Before! I was still struggling to believe that a baby was in there so learning the gender was really important for me to begin creating that bond. We had a really lovely moment in a private scan where the sonographer handed us example photos and got us to guess ourselves so I'm glad we decided to find out during pregnancy.

    4.) If you have more than one child, did/do they share a room?

    We only have one (for now!) and she has her own room. We're planning to move to a bigger house before we have any more children so they can each have their own rooms.

    5.) What are a few uncompromisable rules that you have for your child(ren)?

    No hard and fast rules. She's only one but we are trying to teach her to be gentle with the cat, not throw food (that's not going too successfully) and to not touch anything she's not supposed to!

    6.) What is one thing that your child(ren) do that never fails to piss you off?

    She never "pisses me off" per se but when she wakes up at 4am I do get a shiver up my spine on the thought of dragging myself out of bed to sit with her for potentially an hour or two. I guess when she's being really fussy when getting changed can also be quite frustrating, or when she's refusing to eat but we're working out ways to make it less of a chore for her.

    7.) What color(s) was/is the nursery?

    White with woodland animal stickers. I've been telling everyone that she's going to have so many colourful things in her nursery that the walls don't need to exacerbate that any further!

    8.) What is one thing that people tell you about your parenting/lifestyle with children that greatly annoys you?

    I've been quite lucky that I've not experienced much of this. I think the closest thing would be my family wanting to feed her unhealthy food (cake, chocolate etc.) despite me asking them not to. I just think she needs to at least start life with a healthy lifestyle but they're just so keen to see her reactions to different foods.
    Last edited by lectionn; December 7th, 2019 at 08:46 PM.
    Harriet Elizabeth Rose 'Hattie'
    Born December '18

    Ideas for #2:

    Florence Lily Charlotte 'Flo/Florrie/Flora'

    Alice. Constance. Matilda. Ophelia. Theodora. Flora. Clara.

    Edward Alexander Charles 'Eddie/Ned/Ted/Teddy'

    Arthur. Felix. Rufus. Sebastian. Theodore. Wilfred. Stanley.

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