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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jun 2018
    Location
    Northern Europe
    Posts
    949

    Am I being ridiculous?

    I'd like your thoughts on this, Berries...

    My son Hjörtur is 4 years old. His dad and I are divorced. There have never been any hard feelings between us and we still care deeply for each other, our marriage just wasn't working anymore.
    Hjörtur's dad is half African. The problem now is that around Christmas, he would like to visit family in Gambia (they have moved there from a very unsafe African region) and he would like to take Hjörtur with him, since they've never met him, they've only seen photographs of him as a baby. I'm not sure if that's something I want to allow... I completely understands that he wants his extended family to meet his son, but he's so little and it doesn't feel right for him to be so far away from me. I know his dad, my ex-husband, is very responsible and would never do anything that could harm our son, but my heart says I don't want this. Or is it just my anxiety and pregnancy hormones speaking? Am I being selfish?
    Mother to Hjörtur Emmanuel & Barnabas Húni

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  2. #2
    Join Date
    Apr 2015
    Location
    Australia
    Posts
    2,134
    I wouldn't want my 4 Year old half way across the world with a bunch of people I've never met. Even if his dad is responsible... it just doesn't sit with me. Maybe if he was older, like 8 or something... at least then, he will completely understand the situation. I feel that it could be quite a stressful situation for a 4 year old to be away from their mother for an extended amount of time.
    Now posting as @thelittlefairywren!
    ...felt the need for a fresh user...



  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jun 2017
    Location
    Canada
    Posts
    1,027
    I completely agree with Mummacat. Not only would I be worried the entire time, I don't think my 4 year old would understand or be able to communicate his feelings well, or want to be so far away from me. Maybe if he was older when he could understand and communicate more. I know his father is responsible and you've parted amicably but this is asking a lot of you, imo. I wouldn't be okay with it. It's not just you or pregnancy hormones. I would feel the same way.
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  4. #4
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Posts
    309
    I agree with you. I think your anxieties are understandable, and I think you should say no if you aren't comfortable with it. Worrying about your child in a far away country is definitely not what you want to experience any time, let alone during pregnancy with hormones all over the place. IMO, your son is too young. I think your son would struggle to be so far away from you as well, and I think this is maybe something to decide on when he is considerably older (like 10).

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    baby boy coming 11/04/20

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jun 2018
    Location
    Northern Europe
    Posts
    949
    Thank you for your opinions.

    We talked about it last night, I told him I don't want him to take Hjörtur to Africa and explained to him why. He completely understands, he was disappointed of course, but he doesn't blame me and says he'll take Hjörtur to see his family when he's a bit older.
    This trip to Africa was something we planned to do together years ago, and we agreed that around this age Hjörtur would be old enough to make the trip with us. Of course it's different now that I'm not going.
    Mother to Hjörtur Emmanuel & Barnabas Húni

    Maximilian Óli * Matthias Hreinn * Vignir Ulysses * Nikolai Svani * Zalman Torfi
    Ondine Lilach * Lucinde Meital * Mareva Bluma * Lavinia Perle * Magdalene Dune

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