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  1. #1

    What are your thoughts on shaming a mother’s name choice?

    A friend of mine just had a baby girl she named Tatum. I went to congratulate her and I was rather upset by how many people questioned her name choice. One man went as far as to ask her “where on earth are you getting these names?” I felt really bad for her especially since she’s just given birth and the last thing she needs is to have people make her feel badly for what she CHOSE to name her daughter. I know when I named my son I had my fair share of people raising their eyebrows, but no one vocally said anything to me. So what are your thoughts on this? I can’t believe how bold people are getting when it comes to showing their dislike for things.
    Mama to Calix Birch
    05/10/2019

  2. #3
    Join Date
    Nov 2017
    Location
    Wales
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    1,502
    The only reason you should shame someone's name choice is if you're very close to the parents and you honestly think the name could have a negative impact on the baby's life, and even then you shouldn't outright tell the parents that it's awful. For example, if my sister wanted to name her child something like Lucifer, I would say something along the lines of "I don't think giving your child that name is a good idea, he'll have that name his whole life and I doubt you'd want to have the same name as the devil. It's up to you, but just something to think about". If it was just an acquaintance, co-worker etc. I wouldn't say anything, and I would never say anything about a name if it just wasn't to my personal taste. (And for the record, Calix & Tatum are both lovely names)
    Kennedy Lucy Myfanwy <3 Elijah Alex Christopher


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  3. #5
    Join Date
    Jul 2012
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    United States
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    Sometimes, people just suck, have no tact and act bold behind a keyboard :/ Shame on them. I hate that your friend is having to deal with such immature people when she should be able to focus on her little girl and recovering.

    I'll admit, some friends or family have chosen names that I dislike, but I'd never say that to them! People pick names for many reasons. Just because a name doesn't appeal to one doesn't mean it isn't the most beautiful name in the world to another.
    Alyssa

    Elim Nathaniel James due Feb 2020 <3

    "Beauty begins the moment you decide to be yourself"~ Coco Chanel

  4. #7
    Join Date
    Apr 2018
    Location
    Canada
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    826
    Honestly, I tend to be over sensitive, so I'd have called that poster out on being insensitive and whatnot, while congratulating the new mum on her little girl, and lovely name choice.

    Plenty of people I've gone to school with or been friends with have chosen names I don't like, but I'm of the mindset that it's not my child, so it's not my place to say anything.
    ღ haley - twenty-three - early childhood education student ღ
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  5. #9
    Join Date
    Jun 2017
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    Canada
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    852
    I had negative comments from my mother and aunt shortly before Finn was born. They wanted something more traditional, preferably in-line with our culture/their religion ie. Christopher. My mother spent a solid hour throwing dozens and dozens of other names at me. "You can use Finn in the middle," she kept saying. And my aunt reacted with "Finn? Where did you find THAT?" Nothing was said when he was finally born and although people looked at us a bit strangely: "Finn? Like a fish?" they didn't say anything more about it. I am so glad we chose his name. I love it and it suits him. I can't imagine him being a "Christopher." I'm sorry your friend is going through this. Tatum is a wonderful name, unusual, but thanks to Channing Tatum not unheard of either. I actually know of it from some TV movie when I was a kid, so it's nice to hear it being used.

    I agree with the above poster: if she named her baby Lucifer or Adolph or something along those lines, it might be in the baby's best interests (and the mother's as well, because that's a lifetime of potential bullying and ramifications to deal with). But if it's just not to their taste? I would tell them politely once "we love the name and are happy we chose it" and if they persist I would put my foot down "thank you for your input, we chose a name we love for OUR baby and have no plans in changing it." Hopefully now that baby is here and the name is out, people will be quiet.
    Finn, Leo, and Kate <3


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  6. #11
    Join Date
    Jun 2018
    Location
    Northern Europe
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    821
    I agree with the previous posters that I'd only say anything if the name would have a negative impact on the child.

    When Hjörtur was born we got a lot of negative reactions. My own family loved it (or at least nobody said anything negative), but my MIL said she hated the name, mainly because it was a name from my heritage and not hers (the middle name was though). Apart from that, some people said they find the name very "unexpected" or "special", meaning they'd never heard it before. One woman said people wouldn't be able to remember, pronounce or spell the name and that we "should have chosen something a bit more normal, since we weren't living in Iceland anymore."
    Mother to Hjörtur Emmanuel & baby due November 2019

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  7. #13
    Even if it might have a negative impact on the child I probably wouldn't say anything, particularly if the child had already been born. If the name wasn't set in stone I might bring up issues if I thought there were major ones.

    I have gotten a lot of comments about Atticus -- "where did you get that? How do you pronounce that? I'll never be able to pronounce that. How do you get Kit? Oh, that's... interesting." And even though no one outright says they don't like it, the comments still hurt! A name is something people obsess over for months, they don't make the decision lightly. So even if I don't like something I say congratulations and mind my business.

    Mummy to Rosalie Lyra ("Rosie") 17.01.16
    and Atticus Jon ("Kit") 27.03.19


  8. #15
    Join Date
    Apr 2013
    Location
    Xi'An, China
    Posts
    5,916
    Hmmm... Well, I think it's ok to be honest when asked. I also think it's ok to name shame if, as pps said, they chose Lucifer (or as often happens to me, they are not native speakers and don't know the other meanings of the name... here's looking at you, Candy, Amoeba, Soccer, Cherry, and Dick).

    My family always thought I had the wackiest taste in names. For Emiliana, my mom can't pronounce it. My sister's family won't even try. My sister said I should have chosen something "normal, like Grace". My mom asked my husband (Persian, btw) to make sure all other kids got "normal" names. They were ok with Pari, because at least they could say it. MANY Americans have tried to name shame me over my daughter's name. Europeans and Iranians are kind of ok with it.

    For Caspian, we mentioned it and my mom said he'd be bullied because of Casper the Friendly Ghost... ... Oddly, his name has gone over better with Americans. It's a bizarre name for Iranians, and took some time for the in-laws to get used to. But their hesitation was useful, as it let me know we needed a more common Iranian middle.

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    Emiliana Pari 郑煜曈 '14
    &
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  9. #17
    Join Date
    Jun 2016
    Location
    USA
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    1,924
    I agree with @northernlights I would never say something about someone's child's name if they were already born & birth certificate signed etc. What good could that do? I also agree with @tfzolgadhr that if asked I think it is best to be honest, but I would still try to be sensitive. If one of your good friends told you they planned to name their unborn child Lucifer and asked what you think, I think it is fine to express your concerns in a gentle way. If they were born and named and no one asked you if you liked it or not I think the right thing to do is just say congratulations and move on.
    FC 12/21/2017
    RO EDD 01/10/2020

  10. #19
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    Posts
    2,615
    Nowadays everyone thinks they have the right to comment on anyone's choices of anything. I think this has to do largely with social media, on which people are used to commenting endlessly on all kinds of things, and hiding behind a mask of secrecy.

    People really have to think twice before making outwardly rude, personal comments in general.

    Obviously, if someone was asking for an opinion it's a different story.

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