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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jul 2019
    Posts
    5

    Please Help! Experiencing Baby Name Regret for my Son :(.

    Hi everyone,

    I understand this is outside of the box and usually the norm is not to post if your child is already born but I would love some feedback and have some dialogue on the baby name regret I am currently experiencing with my son. This is a long post but I do feel the need to open up.

    At 5 weeks old he is my pride and joy, I love him so much, but for the last 3 weeks I have been experiencing baby name regret and have a hard time saying his name and it is not a good feeling.

    We decided on the name Emery because it was not common and could be said both in French and English. We are a French first language household but we live in an English speaking city so a bilingual name was important. My wife and I always connect pretty well with decisions so during the pregnancy she suggested Emery for a boy. Once we got the news that we were going to have a little boy we were overjoyed and quickly decided that we would name him Emery. There's wasn't much more discussion after that and I thought I was doing the right thing not googling all kinds of names and going through all of them. He would be named Emery and we also decided to keep the name to ourselves and not tell anyone in order to not hear opinions. I found the name sounded country and a bit old school and that it would work and I didn't need to dig deeper. In French it is a 100% a male name. All I did research wise was one Facebook search and with most of the Emery's being older men I thought cool this is a more obscure unisex name that could come back in style. I did not think anymore about it after that.

    So fast forward to the birth and in the delivery when our little boy arrived in the world. The doctors and nurses asked on the spot do you have a name and in my tears of joy I said Emery. When I announced the name I had a slight amount of doubt but thought it would pass. Friends and family had positive reviews of the name after we announced it but honestly I can't see them saying they didn't like it or it was a girl's name as they are respectful people.

    A week after he's born I'm showing pictures of the baby and talking about him and a coworker asks for the name and I say Emery and she goes "oh so you had a little girl in the end!". I was caught a little off guard but was like no it's Emery boy. I was aware that the name was now unisex but didn't think people would assume girl. Fast forward to a week later and I follow up with the daycare centre saying my son is born and they ask for a name and I say Emery and the same thing happens they say "oh so a girl" and I'm like no boy and they sorry it just that we have a little Emery girl here that's all. Anyway at this point I am insecure and really start to doubt the name, I have a harder time saying his name to people. After one more incident of being in public and having to explain Emery boy to a stranger I'm really torn apart. We are driving home that day and I break out in tears in the car telling my wife that I don't know about the name anymore from these instances of people assuming our son is a girl based on the name.

    So at this point I decide for the FIRST time to look up the name on the internet and am surprised that while it is technically a unisex name it seems to be trending on the girl side. In fact statistics show that about 80% to 90% of the Emery's born these days are girls (something I was completely unaware of) and this spikes my anxiety even more. I start doubting the name even more and cringing every time I hear it . I feel so bad that I might be giving my son a ball and chain right of the gate and have unintentionally pulled a "boy named Sure" sort of thing. Upon further research it seems girls names trend more and I am totally petrified that Emery will become the next Ashley or Madison and I have set him up for a lifetime of bullying or him becoming a bully because he has to live with the stigma of having a "girl name". There is also an up and coming female Youtube personality by the name of Emery Bingham that could influence baby names in the future like Madison was influenced by a movie.

    I would also like to point out that I do have an anxiety disorder and tend to obsess over things for short periods at a time. I most likely have symptoms related to OCD. This name thing COULD be more the battle inside my head and a flare up of symptoms over the change of life and lack of sleep over a genuine concern.

    To not ramble on too much, after many emotional discussions with my wife, we have decided to consider changing the name. Here are the options:

    1. Getting rid of the current middle name all together (my name) and making Emery the middle name a choose a new name. We went over names last night and nothing really stood out.

    2. Slightly changing the name to something less unisex like Emmett or Emeric or Eric (names we don't love more) and keeping the middle name.

    3. Developing a nickname that we more commonly use. I found Rem seems to maybe suit him well.

    I feel terrible for stirring the pot with my wife but am also so fortunate that my wife is willing to listen to me. She was emotional about the whole thing but does say that this name thing is bothering me and she is worried that the name could be a barrier to me connecting with my son (something that I agree is very well true). I am also upset that I am not as progressive of an individual as I thought I was. However, this name is shooting up on the girl's side and I feel that the window of opportunity to nip it in the butt and give us peace of mind is now.

    Anyway, any feedback on the situation or alternative name suggestions or dialogue on the subject would be much appreciated. Sorry again for the long post!

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    Posts
    2,561
    As a guy with a female-dominated name myself, how about keeping his name as Emery for now and if he expresses a desire to change it later you could do it then?

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Nov 2016
    Posts
    10,994
    I'd stick with Emery if it was me. It still feels fairly masculine imo, and there are plenty of other unisex names that are still being used for boys (Rowan, River, Ashley, Mackenzie etc).

    If his middle name is more typically masculine he could also choose to go by that if he decides Emery isn't for him?

    Rem is cute too - Remy might work as well

    But, if the name is really bothering you and making you uncomfortable, Emmett, Edison, Ezra, Remy, Julien, Louis, Raphael, Rafferty, Eben, Jeremy, or Emil are similar in sound or feel?

    Good luck
    🌈Grace🌈
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    Sloane Felicity|Flora Penelope|Juno Delilah|Lois Aurelia
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  4. #4
    Join Date
    Nov 2014
    Location
    New Jersey
    Posts
    3,264
    I like Emery for a boy! It’s the name of one of the sons on the show Fresh off the boat

    Little Laddies
    Asa Peregrine Jude
    Jasper Leo Augustin
    Bruno Sebastian Wilde
    Arthur Jules Hawthorn

    Little Lassies
    Sylvie Ada Juniper
    Thea Marigold Noor
    June Eliza Primrose
    Etta Wildflower Jane

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jul 2019
    Posts
    5
    I think that's what I should do from an ethics standpoint and staying progressive. I would assume you are an adult, can I ask how having a more female dominated name was for you in school? In the end a name is just a name and it is unisex and it's most likely me overthinking and being to worried. It could really be a good learning point for him.
    Last edited by namefan; July 27th, 2019 at 07:28 PM.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Jul 2019
    Posts
    5
    The difficulty with his middle name is that it is my name (Benjamin) and I doubt he would be interested to use it if there were 2 Ben's in the household. Therefore I'm seriously considering swapping out my middle name for something else or adding one to give him an "out" so to speak. It doesn't appear to be that much work to do in my province.

    I agree Rem and Remy has grown on me and today I alternated between Emery and Rem and it felt good.

    Also, come to think of it, I only know of 4 Emery's under the age of 5 in my province. My son, a 1 year old boy and the 2 girls that were mentioned from my coworker and the daycare manager. Perhaps it is more unisex in my own province.

    Thanks!

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Oct 2013
    Posts
    3,469
    Hi,

    First of all, congrats on your little boy!

    Second, I know a boy Emery, so to me the name is all boy. I think it's an uncommon enough name that there will be enough people who don't know any Emery's so won't assume it is unisex or a girls name. I think it's good you're using Rem & Remy and like those nicknames!

    That said, if you feel really strongly about this, maybe you can switch out his middle name to a different one, so he has a backup option. You said it was Benjamin and maybe didn't want 2 Ben's, but what about Benson or some other variation? Or your middle name, or a different male relative's middle name?

    You'll figure it out!

    Eliza, Adeline, Felicity, Flora, Sophie, Beatrice, Rosalie, Harriet
    Charlie, Henry, Edwin, Felix, Lachlan, Leo, Wyatt,

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Jul 2019
    Location
    Midwest USA
    Posts
    196
    Fresh off the Boat is a great show lol. That's the only time I've heard the name Emery so if I met one at first I would assume boy. So many names are considered unisex nowadays since the "boy names on girls" trend is a thing. The first famous example that pops into my mind is actress Blake Lively and her daughter James. Even more masculine sounding names could be given to girls in your future son's classrooms.

    All-in-all I like Emery and my point is to not worry so much about trends if you like the name (easier said than done, I'm sure). If you change it, you can't be sure he'll like what you change it to either! It's great that you're taking such consideration with your child liking his own name, and I do think it's important to address any potential stigmas, but at this point it should be whatever you and your wife like.

    If you decide to keep it, I think Rem and Remy are great nickname suggestions. If he goes by his middle name he could go by the full name Benjamin or Benny or Benji if that helps distinguish from Ben. If you decide to change it, Greyblue gave great suggestions in that style. Whatever you decide to do just don't worry about what others think or potential trends or people not thinking "you're progressive enough with naming"... just do what helps you sleep better at night and makes you the happiest!!!! Best of luck to you!

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Mar 2018
    Location
    Pennsylvania
    Posts
    266
    It's a lifelong ball and chain that people might mistake him for a girl now and then? That says a lot about our feelings toward women here. I understand unisex naming isn't everyone's preference - it isn't mine - but, as a woman with a male-skewed unisex name (Jamie), I have hardly been traumatized by the times I've been mistaken for a man.

    I've always thought of Emery/Emory as a more masculine name. There's an increase in people using traditionally masculine-skewed names on girls. Surely no one's life has ever been truly ruined by that?

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Jul 2012
    Location
    Oregon
    Posts
    153
    I think Emery is a great name, you should keep it. I feel like the gap for name bullying is growing further and further apart with all the unique names out there and honestly I have only met male Emery's.

    I also think Rem is a great nn.

    In the end you should decide if your son feels like an Emery and not make the decision based off what you think other people will think of the name, it's kinda like how people assume your baby is a girl if they are dressed in pink or purple. That won't stop me from putting my boy in purple (personally not a fan of pink) or my girl in blue for that matter.

    I completely understand anxiety and OCD ( I have both) as well as my own experience of dressing "like a boy" as a child, I wanted short hair, to wear overalls and loved dinosaurs! People constantly mistook me for a boy but I was never bullied about it and took it in stride, if anything it has made me a more open individual who understands that gender norms are things to be broken so we can allow individuals to be just that, individuals.

    I hope venting has helped you.

    Side note: When people ask for the name you could always respond like this "His name is Emery." That way there is little confusion unless its just being written down then you could put "Emery, he goes by Rem." (If you decide to use that as a nn of course.)
    Last edited by kassieb11; July 27th, 2019 at 04:58 PM.

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