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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Oct 2012
    Posts
    265

    How to Tell reluctant Grandma we're expecting

    Let me start by saying we are thrilled to be expecting. My son was a "whoopsie" baby and after we got married it took my partner and I 4years to conceive our daughter. My older 2 are 9 years and 1 week apart. We began TTC when our DD was 1.6 expecting a similar timeline. Well, next week at their combined family dinner (DS11 and DD2) we're announcing baby 3. I expect all in attendance to be thrilled.

    However, my mother lives out of state and she is going to be a horse of a different color. She was livid about DS and still brings up how disappointed she is that I "screwed up the plan" by having him unplanned. We had a miscarriage before DD was conceived and when I cried she told me it was for the best because I need to focus on my career. When we announced DD, she was disgusted and made what should have been a sweet moment unpleasant. Just the other day she went off about how her pastor's daughter just had #3 and what kind of moron has 3 kids in this day and age.

    Can anyone think of a way to tell her about baby 3 without me yelling at her or her making me cry? Lol maybe I'm fighting a losing battle. I love my mom, but we have very different ideas about what makes life wonderful. Sorry berries, first trimester hormones are putting me through the wringer! Any suggestions would be lovely.
    Liam Anthony 7/18/08
    Rosaline Joy 7/11/17
    Baby Ritter due 1/21/20!
    *Patrick Robert* *Simon Thomas* *Jason Oliver*
    *Delia Ginavive* *Katrina Claire* *Chloe Millay*

  2. #3
    Join Date
    Jul 2012
    Location
    United States
    Posts
    3,312
    Oh good lord. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this!! This is supposed to be a happy time for you guys, not one where you have to tiptoe around what should be a grown adult. (sorry, I know that sounds harsh)

    Unfortunately, DH and I are in a bit of a similar situation when it comes to difficult family members. We are expecting our first (technically third, as we've had two miscarriages) and still haven't told anyone because we know several relatives will have reactions ranging from smothering to more or less how your mom has responded in the past. As a consequence, we've decided to wait a bit longer to tell anyone. When we get to those difficult family members, we will call them and tell them "we are expecting and we are very happy about it." I figure that sets our tone off right and they can react how they will. Maybe something similar could work in your case? She clearly isn't going to be happy regardless but that'll be her choice.
    Alyssa

    mommy-to-be <3 Isla Rowan or Elim due Feb 2020 <3

    "Beauty begins the moment you decide to be yourself"~ Coco Chanel

  3. #5
    Join Date
    Nov 2010
    Posts
    396
    Congratulations! It's a sad situation that I know all too well. We are TTC our 5th and nobody was happy with any of our others. My mother completely ignored the fact I was pregnant for the first 6/7 months with my first. She didn't want to acknowledge the fact I was having a baby. Its the one thing we are dreading about having another baby. We plan on waiting a while before telling people and pretty much telling people we are excited about having another and if you have something unkind to say, keep it to yourself or leave. May be a little harsh but a pregnancy is stressful enough, adding hurtful comments is just unnecessary. I say keep it light and simple may be a bit abrupt. Like, we're expecting another, were happy and extremely thankful. Its something we have wanted and feel truly blessed about it. She may not be happy about it but maybe explaining its something you want and she can't change, might help. Best of luck!
    Lily Elizabeth/Chase Steven/Zack Francis/Drew Daniel

    Girls: Isla~Stella~Aria~Olive~Kendall~Harlow~Juno

    Boys:
    Max~Knox~Finn~Kai


  4. #7
    Join Date
    Feb 2011
    Location
    USA
    Posts
    1,967
    Honestly, since this is your third I would text or e-mail her with a pic or you holding your belly (or one of your kids in big brother/big sister shirts) and just a short message that you're excited to be expecting number three with the due date. That way she has some time to react by herself before talking to you and will hopefully be able to mask any negative emotions by then. And if she does start to get negative, just be prepared to quickly change the subject to something else.
    Mother to two, debating a third...

    Theodora Summer "Teddy"// Electra Rue // Thomasina Lily "Tommy"
    Ivy Clarisse // Calypso Jane // Runa Elizabeth // Raven Victoria // Twyla Imogene

    Harold // River // Shepherd // Ronan // Jordan // Mace // Nathaniel // August

  5. #9
    Join Date
    Apr 2015
    Location
    Australia
    Posts
    2,055
    Good heavens! What a rude woman! (No offense... I know she's your mother, but really?!)

    Honestly, I almost wouldn't tell her. Babies are precious and deserve to be celebrated. You don't need that awful, negative attitude hanging about.
    If you're desperate to tell her, I'd just text or the like. Keep it short and simple. I wouldn't go out of your way for someone who is so rude in return.
    Aussie Redhead - 26yrs
    Wifey to my Sunshine - 17.2.17
    TTC 2020/2021

    .girls.
    Persephone Anouk Wren | Mercedes Aliyah Rose
    Kalliope Haven Grace | Saoirse Arwen Snow
    Endelyon Aurora Niamh | Xanthippe Raven Willow
    Apolline Violetta Rain

    .boys.
    Othello Bentley Fox | Atlas Orion Boyd | Vincent Aurel Lark
    ...musing over Bowen, Oberon, Roman, Felix, Areion, Horatio...

    .either.
    Peregrine Evander Quill | Peregrine Opal Jane


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