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  1. #41
    Join Date
    Aug 2014
    Location
    Vancouver, WA
    Posts
    399
    My short answer is: do what makes you feel comfortable. I like Smith. It's such a short name. I don't see a problem with you hyphenating.

    My story:
    I did hyphenate. I liked it for 7 years of marriage, he also did so, but not willingly, mostly to "keep me happy" but it didn't make me happy because it didn't seem genuine. I love my boys, and they have hyphenated last names, but I've chosen from now on we are The B's, instead of the C-B's. I'll just state "Full legal name is but please call me Sarah B." That is until I go to court to legally change my middle and drop the hyphenated name. I didn't have a hugely close relationship with my father, who was absent most of my life, with occasional cards and phone calls and one or two visits, however I really liked my word surname. It is rather unique. I really just didn't know if I wanted to be Sarah B. So I became Sarah C-B. It was a compromise, and one I'm ready to end. I'm ready to be Sarah B.

  2. #42
    Join Date
    Oct 2015
    Posts
    4,851
    I absolutely want to change it, not because of tradition but because I never care about my surname in the first place. I feel zero connection to it. In fact, unless required for documents, I usually just go by my first name only. I see marriage as an opportunity to find different surname.

    Unless my partner's surname sounds bad, I will just take it. If it sounds bad or had a terrible meaning or something like that, I'd try to talk him into finding something new lol. My current boyfriend has an okay surname. We're still early in the relationship so haven't talked about names yet and who knows we'll stick together or not, but if it ever comes to marriage I have no issue to take his.
    Luna.

    Cherished top 10:
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  3. #43
    Join Date
    May 2018
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    1,581
    I want to change my name when I get married but keep my maiden name for professional purposes. It makes the most sense practically since all of my qualifications are in my current surname and I'm planning on doing a PhD, which will probably be done in my maiden name. Also my current surname is 8 letters long and frequently mispronounced so changing to DF's 5 letter, pretty recognisable (think Grint) very English last name will mean not having to correct everyone as they stumble over the letters.

    Also? My dad has five brothers so I'm not fussed about the surname going on (I have plenty of cousins, and one of my female cousins hyphenated with her husband on marriage so now their last name is HerLast-HisLast). But since it's Scots, it also has lots of history so I would be upset to completely get rid of it; this is a good compromise.

  4. #44
    Join Date
    Nov 2018
    Location
    New Zealand
    Posts
    751
    Well, I don't dislike my surname, but I'm not hugely attached to it. I'm one of those kids that, even though my parents weren't married, I took my mum's surname, and used my dad's name as a middle name. I think, if I were to get married, I'd have to remove my dad's surname too. I'm much closer to my mum than I am to my dad; I'm not estranged from him, but it would feel wrong for me to keep one surname and not the other; so it's either both, or neither.

    I'm 16, so I am along way off even thinking too much marriage, but it is something I've considered before. I think I honestly would have to consider my parent's emotions in this decision more than my own, they're far more connected to my name than I am. I do, however, really want the same surname as my children. Let's say, hypothetically, my husband's surname was... 'Candy.' (It's the first word I thought of.)

    I believe I would become Stella Grace *dad's surname* Candy, simply removing my mum's surname, and my children would be..

    *first name* *middle name* *grandma's surname* *dad's surname*

    But in all honesty... I know I'd be sad upon completing the change. If It were up to ME? My name would be changed to:

    Stella Grace *dad's surname* *mum's surname* *husband's surname*

    But is 5 names too long? And I've already been told by my parents that they'd like to be honoured in my future children's names. Gosh, it is stressful, even as a teenager I'm thinking about this!
    stella , teenberry , fem
    leonie, celeste, lydia,
    june, holly, alena,
    violet, evelyn, cassia,
    james, jasper, luca,
    mathias, robin, tristan,
    vincent, leo, augustus
    leonie lydia celeste, alena violet june, cassia marcella evelyn, luca tristan, jasper robin james, vincent leo mathias

  5. #45
    Join Date
    Feb 2014
    Location
    London, England
    Posts
    10,231
    I used to want to change my surname because I wasn't a fan of it at all, but if I don't keep my current surname, when I marry it'll die out since my mother and I are the only "original" relatives with the Pinder surname left (for feminist reasons and also due to the fact she and my father never married, my mother chose to keep her maiden name) in my family since everyone else either married or took their father's surname, who was an in-law. I also don't really agree with the patriarchal reason as to why it's common to take one's husband's surname upon marriage, so I guess that's another factor too. I'd either keep my maiden name or have a double-barrelled name with my future partner should I marry, depending on what their surname is (e.g. if it rhymed with Pinder or began with a P as well, it would be a no-go).
    Teenberry | Amateur Photographer and editor | Human to cats Toffee & Fudge


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  6. #46
    Join Date
    Dec 2017
    Posts
    545
    I love the idea of doing a surname mashup or choosing a new surname, I thought it would be nice for the whole family to have the same name. We didn't go that route because of the hassle of changing one's name as an established adult. So we both kept our names. My husband's sisters kept their names so that wasn't an issue in his family.

    However, I think the assumption that kids will have their dad's surname just as sexist as the assumption that the woman will change her name. Thankfully we both have short surnames so we were able to hyphenate LO's name easily. Friends who know us well will address us as the "hyphenated name" family, which I think is great and appropriate. Sure, a traditional aunt or two addresses us as the "hislastname" family or "Mr. and Mrs. his last name", but after a moment of annoyance I let it go. It's their problem not mine. My MIL complained to my husband about the order we chose to hyphenate in, but she said her piece, he held our ground, and that was the end of it.

    We don't have any logistical problems. It is clear that she our kid to any school, medical, financial, or government officials (i.e. TSA) because she carries both our names. I love that it symbolizes that DH + Me = LO. It makes up for issue of the whole family not having the same name for me. Her full hyphenated surname is only 8 letters long, 9 characters counting the hyphen.

    Sure, my parents chose the traditional route, but my name is the one they chose for me regardless and it is mine, I have an identity apart from my dad. (Honestly I think my mom misses her maiden name, she recently mentioned she made plans to have it included on her tombstone when the time comes.) It's the name on MY diplomas, accounts, property, professional work, etc.

    As far as what LO will do in the future, I just hope she still has the freedom to make her own decision as we had the freedom to make ours.
    My friends have made a variety of different choices for their own reasons and we all respect and love each other :-)
    Love my Thalia

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  7. #47
    Join Date
    Nov 2015
    Location
    No Coast
    Posts
    1,341
    We combined into a double-barreled surname (no hyphen). My "maiden" name is a common occupational surname, and my wife's is a classic first name for boys, so our married name is something like "James Baker" (not the actual name). I like the look of no hyphen but I did "lose" on the order of the names - I think putting "James" first makes it look like a middle name and "Baker James" would have been better, but I ended up giving in. My wife insisted "James Baker" was easier to write when signing your name, and after trying it both ways, I had to admit that she was right about that. Now, I'm so used to the order we settled on that it actually sounds wrong to say it my previously "preferred" way!

    I am in a same-sex marriage, so there was no cultural expectation for what we should do--but there are concerns that are unique to being a same-sex couple that informed our choice. I think either of us would have been very happy for the other to take our own name, but both of us felt strongly that we wanted to keep our original names. We pretty quickly decided against taking a new surname or mashing up our names for this reason.

    I legally changed my surname to my mom's maiden name in my early 20's due to personal and family reasons. Because of that, my maiden name is extremely meaningful to me.

    My wife had always liked her own maiden name and never imagined changing it. She also felt strongly about passing her family's name on to any children we have, since she is not planning to be biologically related to them. She feels that their having her surname will help legitimize them as members of her family.

    Added to that, I also wanted to share a surname as a couple and as a family with any future children. People are funny about same-sex couples sometimes. I did not want there to be any question about who we are to each other or to our children. When one mother gives birth to the children in two-mom families, it is unfortunately not unusual for her to be treated/referred to as the "real" mom and the other parent to be addressed more like a step-parent or nanny. We have joked about calling my (rather femme) wife "Papa" or "Daddy" when we have kids, just so people will understand that even if she didn't give birth to them, she is 100% their parent! I want it to be crystal clear that we are both the moms and to discourage people from making assumptions about how we created our family.

    So for basically every reason that mattered to us, combining was the best choice. It does make our names slightly unwieldy (especially my wife, who also changed her first name to a double-barreled one when we married), but I don't regret the choice at all. As a life-long name nerd, I think I decided a long time ago that I cared more about names feeling "right" than being easy.
    Stephanie Rae
    💍 Married 10.06.18 💙 TTC Evie or Jude 2020 👶
    Furmommy to: Alexander Hamilton *Hammy* & Marquis de Lafayette *Laffy*
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  8. #48
    Join Date
    Aug 2019
    Location
    🌹UK
    Posts
    443
    Keeping my last name. How could I change? So much life experience in my name, sorry if that sounds dramatic. Love my full name and not because of how it sounds or its connotations or anything like that, but simply because it holds so much value to me :-)

    Me and my SO have discussed names and we're pretty happy to hyphenate, though I must say I hate that there are still some hierarchical associations with which name goes first. Then again, my partner made the good point that either way there are connotations, so we're going alphabetical and stuff the rest. Can't wait for us to be conjoined by name, and it makes kids easy :-)

  9. #49
    I think I’d change it. Especially if I already have nieces and nephews on my side with my last name, it’ll live on. And I wouldn’t hyphenate because I feel that only works with one syllable last names and mine’s two. Also, I wouldn’t hyphenate my kids because I want to give them two middle names and a total of five names is too much for me.
    not expecting, just collecting
    teen Berry
    aspiring actress & author, name "expert", book nerd

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