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  1. #11
    Join Date
    Apr 2015
    Location
    Australia
    Posts
    1,860
    Quote Originally Posted by lucialucentum View Post
    So, I didn't really have any worries. I had wanted to be a mom for a very long time, and I have only ever worked with children, so there wasn't much that would be a mystery to me.

    Some key points for me were:
    - thinking of gaining family time, not losing couple time. Yes, you definitely have to schedule time in to talk to other adults (former co-workers, friends, your partner). It takes a lot more mental work to connect to other adults, but it is so needed. Also, many people will come out of the woodwork and contact you so they can see your baby (and not pay any attention to you lol). This can be great, but also super depressing sometimes.

    I go out whenever. I know my baby's schedule and we work with that. She comes to the passport office, shopping, to get my nails done (family friend is an esthetician out of her home. She painted my nails whole rocking my baby to sleep, it was amazing), to book club, the dog groomer's. I just make sure her bag is packed, I keep all my stuff in there too, and off we go. she is not a hindrance at all. The hardest part was working around her 60 minute nursing sessions when she was 4 months and under. But even then, you start making a note of all the nursing/feeding/changing areas in the city. Babies R Us, Buy Buy Baby, malls almost always have nursing rooms. I would make sure to go by somewhere like that if I know we'll be out for a while.

    Body changes & losing myself are the two I struggle with the most... And it is SO hormonal. Regonizing that is a big part in keeping sane. My "best self" was adventurous, safely impulsive, independent... I don't feel like that anymore. I know my daughter will love hearing stories from that point in my life, and I accept that providing stability and "the village" is important for her right now.

    Clutter, noise, mess... You get used to it, learn to tune it out, and/or stay on top of it. And while they get so much louder, in a conversational sense, as they get older, they can also be entertained a little longer so you can tidy or clean without them freaking out. Plus, baby toys are enormous, so even if the room is a disaster with baby things, it takes 10 seconds to tidy up that stuff. Tidying an office is way more time-consuming.

    I felt incredibly ready to become a parent. It has been as easy as I expected... Which is to say, it can be extremely trying sometimes. I have a pretty easy-going baby, and I am very in tune with her. She is easy for me, but she is not easy for everyone. I have shed so many tears since she was born. I think emotionally, hormonally, and physically, I was not prepared for how little control you have. I was extremely sick while pregnant, had severe post-partum complications, and a lot of problems nursing (both my baby and I had problems). I had spent over a decade looking forward to pregnancy and birth, and both were just so horrible. And that sucks, but is something I'm working through.

    So the things I was ready to have be awful, like sleepless nights, crying baby all day, etc. never happened. The things I did not prepare for/ thought "That is such a fluke, it'll never happen to me", like a debilitating pregnancy and life-threatening complications, ended up happening and blind-siding me.

    tl;dr
    You can still be the most prepared person, and something will not turn out how you anticipated.
    You will be sacrificing a lot. There's no way around that... And the good news is that most of the time, you don't even notice. And when you do notice, make sure you have a good support system so you can put yourself first. Happy mom = happy baby, and everyone had a different way of getting to that place. You just do what's right for you and your family.

    Thank you for your in depth reply!

    I'm sorry that you had to go through all those troubles with pregnancy and so on. That must have been hard. However, it is wonderful to see how much you enjoy being a parent, and that you feel in-sync with your little one.

    You do have a good point... you can prepare for all sorts, but you never know what obscure thing may come up! I do know that on one level... but it still seems hard not to stress over things.

    I like your point about "family time". I am an introvert, and my husband is the only person I like to spend extended periods of time with (only other person would be my mum). So the idea of sharing my time with more people, and having less time with just him kind of freaks me out. But I am sure I will adapt to enjoy having children around... just like I adapted to having a man around haha.

    Thank you for your encouragement.
    Kay - 26yrs
    Wifey to my Sunshine - 17.2.17
    TTC September 2020
    .girls.
    Mercedes Aliyah Rose | Persephone Annabelle Rain
    Endelyon Arwen Elyse | Evangeline Haven Grace
    Apolline Aurora Wren | Xanthippe Raven Willow

    ...musing over Pandora, Kalliope, Seraphine, Delphine...
    ...possible MN: Violetta Snow...
    .boys.
    Othello Bentley Fox | Atlas Orion Boyd
    Oberon Story Zale | Peregrine Evander Quill
    Vincent Aurel Lark | Bowen Wilder Oak

    ...musing over Roman, Felix, Areion...


  2. #13
    Join Date
    Apr 2015
    Location
    Australia
    Posts
    1,860
    Quote Originally Posted by thefairophelia View Post
    Aww sweetie, I'm so sorry! I know exactly how you feel but, trust me, it's not that bad!

    And honestly, you seem like an amazing, sweet and kind person,
    I'm sure you will be a great mom!

    It is really nice to know that I am not the only one that worries about all these things! Thank you for sharing your experience and feelings. It really helps.

    Awww... thank you! I certainly hope that I will be good at it. I very much look forward to being a mum, but I just worry about being good enough.

    Also, congratulations! I didn't realise you were expecting number 3! (don't know where I have been to miss that haha!)
    Kay - 26yrs
    Wifey to my Sunshine - 17.2.17
    TTC September 2020
    .girls.
    Mercedes Aliyah Rose | Persephone Annabelle Rain
    Endelyon Arwen Elyse | Evangeline Haven Grace
    Apolline Aurora Wren | Xanthippe Raven Willow

    ...musing over Pandora, Kalliope, Seraphine, Delphine...
    ...possible MN: Violetta Snow...
    .boys.
    Othello Bentley Fox | Atlas Orion Boyd
    Oberon Story Zale | Peregrine Evander Quill
    Vincent Aurel Lark | Bowen Wilder Oak

    ...musing over Roman, Felix, Areion...


  3. #15
    Join Date
    Apr 2015
    Location
    Australia
    Posts
    1,860
    Quote Originally Posted by lilimorgana View Post
    It's different for everyone, every pregnancy is unique, every child, how many you have, etc. You will find what works for you and modify it as you need to. If time with your husband is important to you, make it a priority, put your baby in the stroller and get out, go to dinner, order in and watch a movie, etc. See other adults with and without kids. Ask for help if you can get it. Shower and get dressed and put on makeup--you'll feel more like the person you used to be. And continue to learn and grow and do things for you, whatever that may mean--the happier and more fulfilled you are, the better you will be for your baby. You don't have to lose yourself in order to give so much to another person, you just have to juggle a bit more and relax your expectations and prioritize what matters to you. You'll be tired and have less time, but you can make it work. Whether that time goes to relaxing, improving yourself, your husband, your friends, or cleaning your house--it is your time and you decide where it goes. Your baby will take a large chunk but not all of it. You are still going to be you. Just with a baby.

    And I agree with the above: I think you are very sweet and I love reading your comments. I think you'll be a great mother!

    Thank you for these points. I found them really helpful and encouraging. I am kind of the odd one out in a few of my social circles, or at least I feel like it... Putting time into being me is really important to my sanity and sense of self. My hubby's family in particular is old-fashioned, and I am very much not, and I don't want to be pressured into a particular way of parenthood by them. Doing things our way is so important to me, and I need the space and mental strength to do so.

    And thank you for your last comment - that is so sweet. I certainly hope so!
    Kay - 26yrs
    Wifey to my Sunshine - 17.2.17
    TTC September 2020
    .girls.
    Mercedes Aliyah Rose | Persephone Annabelle Rain
    Endelyon Arwen Elyse | Evangeline Haven Grace
    Apolline Aurora Wren | Xanthippe Raven Willow

    ...musing over Pandora, Kalliope, Seraphine, Delphine...
    ...possible MN: Violetta Snow...
    .boys.
    Othello Bentley Fox | Atlas Orion Boyd
    Oberon Story Zale | Peregrine Evander Quill
    Vincent Aurel Lark | Bowen Wilder Oak

    ...musing over Roman, Felix, Areion...


  4. #17
    Join Date
    Apr 2015
    Location
    Australia
    Posts
    1,860
    Quote Originally Posted by morgantaylore View Post
    Well, when the baby came I didn't care about any of that. My daughter brings me so much joy, and i genuinely enjoy spending time with her and watching her learn. I suspect that is true of most parents. I love every loud scream of joy that comes out of her mouth, and don't mind that I can't do things at the drop of a hat anymore.
    I love this! It is so positive and encouraging - thank you!
    Kay - 26yrs
    Wifey to my Sunshine - 17.2.17
    TTC September 2020
    .girls.
    Mercedes Aliyah Rose | Persephone Annabelle Rain
    Endelyon Arwen Elyse | Evangeline Haven Grace
    Apolline Aurora Wren | Xanthippe Raven Willow

    ...musing over Pandora, Kalliope, Seraphine, Delphine...
    ...possible MN: Violetta Snow...
    .boys.
    Othello Bentley Fox | Atlas Orion Boyd
    Oberon Story Zale | Peregrine Evander Quill
    Vincent Aurel Lark | Bowen Wilder Oak

    ...musing over Roman, Felix, Areion...


  5. #19
    Join Date
    Jul 2017
    Posts
    1,897
    I will say that I'm very glad I had my kids young, I was 24 then 25 with my two. As I'm older now, I would not have the energy!

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