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Thread: Age Gaps

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jul 2017
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    470

    Age Gaps

    On average, what do you think seems to be a good age gap between kids? I feel like three or four years would be good, but maybe they wouldn’t be as close as they would be if they were closer in age.
    Violet Paulina 04.03.2018
    Margot or Tessa is due 04.14.2020


    Gemma Annalise
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  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jul 2012
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    United States
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    3,389
    My answer used to be as close in age as possible (so, maybe 1 or 2 years). Honestly, though, I've gotten to meet tons of different people from all walks of life, and added my own experiences, and I think I'm really favoring bigger age gaps (4-5, maybe). I am completely aware that what is best for one isn't best for all.

    My older two siblings, a male and a female, are 18 months apart. They were sort of close as kids, but are in their 30s now and don't talk at all. That same brother and I are 6 years apart and used to be pretty close, though we drifted apart because of life. My younger sister and I are a bit under 2 years apart and the next sister and I are 6 years apart. Us younger 3 are super close now. We fought like hell growing up, but mellowed out. Lol.

    Other families I've discussed this way have had similar experiences. Still, others are different. A friend of mine is 20 years older than her youngest brother and they are rather close (though personally, she is more of a mother figure than a sister). I think that is too big of a gap, but it isn't my life.

    I will say though that I no longer think hard about age gaps. We've been trying for nearly 3 years to have just our first baby. I can't guarantee that we'll have some perfect age gap, or even be able to have 1 kid, let alone more. If you go along and decide to add another baby to the family, or if you find yourself with a little surprise, then roll with it I think there are so many other factors in the situation that the "closeness" of siblings isn't really a top priority...or guarantee.
    Alyssa

    Elim Nathaniel James due Feb 2020 <3

    "Beauty begins the moment you decide to be yourself"~ Coco Chanel

  3. #3
    Join Date
    May 2013
    Posts
    916
    The standard around here is 2 years. I'm shooting for 2.5-3 years, but won't be too upset if it's more than that I guess. I can't imagine having a newborn with my two year old! I mean, people do it, and survive even smaller age gaps, but I'm not sad we waited. I'm hoping we can avoid having two in diapers, and having a bigger age gap will spread out daycare costs and school activities a little.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jun 2017
    Location
    Canada
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    913
    Mine are 18 months apart and are super close. They haven't reached the fighting phase yet so it's all hugs and kisses and sleeping together in the same crib (he has a bed but chooses to sleep with "Baby".) My older one is really interested in helping now, so wants to assist with looking after his brother even though they are practically the same size! The age gap was/is hard. My older one was not very independent when his brother came along and is a horrible sleeper and still not potty trained--so we had the terrible twos and a newborn--but they've really bonded which is what we hoped for. We're trying for a third baby now that will hopefully be a little more than two years younger than our youngest now and there will be about four years between #1 and #3 if all goes to plan. I have three years between myself and my brother and we never talk, so I don't know what works and what doesn't, only that it's worked well for us.
    Finn, Leo, and Kate <3


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  5. #5
    Join Date
    May 2016
    Posts
    995
    My older sibling is almost eight years older than me, while the next youngest is twelve years younger (then another in two years behind that one). I'm actually closest with my younger sister, who is just turning 18 while I'm almost 30. The gap wasn't intentional, just what happened for my mom. However, I did NOT like being 14 and having two babies around, and I've never been close with the other siblings.

    My daughter will have her first birthday early in 2019 and my husband and I are trying to decide whether we'd like to try again after her first birthday or maybe wait another year or two. He is barely two years younger than his sister and they have always been very close, but my youngest siblings are the same age apart and aren't particularly close other than having shared experiences, like vacations, etc. They don't have the same friends and don't talk much.

    I guess I'm not so much worried about children being close (because we really can't control that) as much as I think about my own difficulties. I know it's exhausting having two under age 3, because I watched my mom do it, but I also know it was very hard for her to give up her independence again when she gave birth to my sister. She went from a mom of basically teens to a mom of infants and that's a huge step back.
    Last edited by yellowplums; October 1st, 2018 at 10:00 PM.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Jan 2018
    Posts
    76
    My sister and I are 2.5 years apart, and I loved having that age gap. We are very close now and were even in childhood. DH is 5 years from his sister and they also have a really great relationship (Even closer now because she just had her first baby girl and we have a new baby girl too, cousins!). I don't think age matters as much as how the siblings are raised together.

    My first two are 2.5ish years apart, and while I loved that gap, I felt much more complete when I had two kids, even though it was a lot more work. My second and third are 2 years apart, and I loved that, but probably should have waited a little longer to have 3 kids. But now I'm pregnant with a surprise number 4 and #3 and #4 will only be a little over a year apart so that will be a bit of a challenge.
    Mom to

    Emmeline Jean Ann (Millie) 11/13
    Tobias James Anthony (Toby) 3/16
    Helena Esther Elisabeth (Lena) 4/18
    Double Trouble 5/19

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Location
    Canada
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    1,901
    Depending on how things go, my ideal age gap is 3-5 years. I want each child to have their individual attention while new and the eldest to be more independent by the time a newborn arrives. I would strongly prefer the first born in kindergarten before we have a second.

    In my immediate family, I have two older brothers. One is 4 years older, and the other is 1 year 5 days older. I have always gotten along better and been closer with my eldest brother, whereas the brother closer to me in age and I never got along as kids or teenagers, and rarely speak as adults.


    {sleep wake hope and then}
    e.e cummings

    TTC Our First
    Hoping on a Rainbow
    —————
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    Always with me.



  8. #8
    Join Date
    Nov 2017
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    765
    Where my family's concerned, I chose to be pretty much the opposite of myself and my siblings. I grew up as one of four, and now have four children myself (a little ironic, I know). Growing up, there were fairly large age gaps between all of us. There's twelve years between my older brother and I, eight between my eldest sister and I, then four between my older sister and me. Growing up, I found my sister who was closest in age to me - Beth - was the sibling I got along best with, whereas my two eldest siblings always seemed fairly removed, even from one another.

    As adults, whilst we still speak, only Beth and I have regular contact, and still spend time together for Christmas. There just seemed to be differences in our interests and personalities, due to the gaps, but it doesn't necessarily mean what happened to us is a rule. Two of my cousins - siblings who are ten years apart - are incredibly close, and have been that way since one was 23, and the other 13.

    The age gap between my eldest three is just over three years, and they've always really enjoyed the closeness. They have their little arguments - like all siblings do - but love one another's company, and due to being similar ages, they share interests more, which seems to bring them closer together! Whilst the girls are a little tighter - they share a bedroom and the gap between them is a little bigger than #2 and #3 - they're definitely all happy together.

    My youngest is four months, and Arwen, my oldest, is especially pleased to have a baby sister. It might be because their own age gaps aren't that large, but I've found they've always been very pleased at the idea of another sibling joining the family; even if DH and I think four is enough, despite them asking about a potential baby #5. Then again, as other's have pointed out, it really can vary; and sibling relationships can change over time, without always the most straight forward of progressions.
    My Angels

    Arwen Katya- 9/3
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    Llyr Sebastian - 1/5
    Rhianydd Laurel- 26/5

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Apr 2015
    Location
    Canada
    Posts
    119
    Our daughters are pretty much exactly three years apart. At first I didn't want a gap that far, I wanted to be pregnant before she was 2. But the gap is PERFECT. I am aiming for the same gap next time, roughly. I love it. C is old enough that she doesn't need me to do everything, and she loves to help out with O. Her level of understanding is developed enough that she understands that Mom needs to take care of O because she's a baby and needs more attention. She still has jealous moments, of course, but we have been able to keep them at bay by getting her involved.
    Married my best friend: August 13, 2012
    Cosima Edeline May - May 27th 2015
    Ondine Rohana - June 2nd 2018

    My uninspiring lists...
    Evadne, Eulalia, Indira, Aurelia, Novara, Leontine, Ariadne, Isolde, Eudora, Violetta, Rosalind
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  10. #10
    My daughters are only 15 months apart. They are super close and love to do everything together. It was stressful with two babies, and now two toddlers but I definitely do not regret it at all. My sister and I are 4 years apart and we are super close. There is no “right” age gap, whatever you wish and what works for you is perfect!


    Proud mommy of:

    Serenity Faith 7/20/14

    Eva Genevieve 10/27/15

    Orion Rigel & Callista Io 3/25/19

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