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Thread: Age Gaps

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jul 2017
    Posts
    383

    Age Gaps

    On average, what do you think seems to be a good age gap between kids? I feel like three or four years would be good, but maybe they wouldn’t be as close as they would be if they were closer in age.
    Violet Paulina 04.03.2018
    TTC Baby no2


    Margot Elaina • Gemma Annalise
    Clara • Nora • Eloise • Amelia • Daphne • Eva
    Tess • Amabel • Esme • Grace • Molly
    middles: Elaina • Annalise • Annalisa • Caroline

    Harvey • Holden • Silas • Asher • Jasper
    Huxley • Hugo • Luca • Theo • Wesley
    Leo • Charlie • Finley • Milo • Jack • Ezra
    middles: Bennett • Benedict


    (sadly) vetoed: India • Poppy • Rose • June • Brooks • Shepard

  2. #3
    Join Date
    Jul 2012
    Location
    United States
    Posts
    3,279
    My answer used to be as close in age as possible (so, maybe 1 or 2 years). Honestly, though, I've gotten to meet tons of different people from all walks of life, and added my own experiences, and I think I'm really favoring bigger age gaps (4-5, maybe). I am completely aware that what is best for one isn't best for all.

    My older two siblings, a male and a female, are 18 months apart. They were sort of close as kids, but are in their 30s now and don't talk at all. That same brother and I are 6 years apart and used to be pretty close, though we drifted apart because of life. My younger sister and I are a bit under 2 years apart and the next sister and I are 6 years apart. Us younger 3 are super close now. We fought like hell growing up, but mellowed out. Lol.

    Other families I've discussed this way have had similar experiences. Still, others are different. A friend of mine is 20 years older than her youngest brother and they are rather close (though personally, she is more of a mother figure than a sister). I think that is too big of a gap, but it isn't my life.

    I will say though that I no longer think hard about age gaps. We've been trying for nearly 3 years to have just our first baby. I can't guarantee that we'll have some perfect age gap, or even be able to have 1 kid, let alone more. If you go along and decide to add another baby to the family, or if you find yourself with a little surprise, then roll with it I think there are so many other factors in the situation that the "closeness" of siblings isn't really a top priority...or guarantee.
    Alyssa

    wife. PCOS fighter. 1in8: TTC for 3 years, 4 months and counting...

    Isla Felicity Dove
    \<3\
    Elim Kenneth/Kent

    Ada Rosemary*Bennett Dale*Seraphina Juliet*Morgan Dominic*Elowen Ismay*Judah Ebenezer

  3. #5
    Join Date
    May 2013
    Posts
    908
    The standard around here is 2 years. I'm shooting for 2.5-3 years, but won't be too upset if it's more than that I guess. I can't imagine having a newborn with my two year old! I mean, people do it, and survive even smaller age gaps, but I'm not sad we waited. I'm hoping we can avoid having two in diapers, and having a bigger age gap will spread out daycare costs and school activities a little.

  4. #7
    Join Date
    Jun 2017
    Location
    Canada
    Posts
    824
    Mine are 18 months apart and are super close. They haven't reached the fighting phase yet so it's all hugs and kisses and sleeping together in the same crib (he has a bed but chooses to sleep with "Baby".) My older one is really interested in helping now, so wants to assist with looking after his brother even though they are practically the same size! The age gap was/is hard. My older one was not very independent when his brother came along and is a horrible sleeper and still not potty trained--so we had the terrible twos and a newborn--but they've really bonded which is what we hoped for. We're trying for a third baby now that will hopefully be a little more than two years younger than our youngest now and there will be about four years between #1 and #3 if all goes to plan. I have three years between myself and my brother and we never talk, so I don't know what works and what doesn't, only that it's worked well for us.
    Finn and Leo
    Expecting a baby girl June 19, 2019!


    Kate Freya Juliet | Calder Declan Bartholomew

    Elena Violet Mila | Mason William Balthazar | Belle Violet Mila | Mason Lincoln Balthazar


    Natalie | Daisy | Elizaveta | Kaia | Ariana | Isla | Anya | Lydia | Stella | Aurora | Fia | Olivia

    Oliver | Caspian | James | Theo | Callum | Dimitri | Victor | Hugo

  5. #9
    Join Date
    May 2016
    Posts
    759
    My older sibling is almost eight years older than me, while the next youngest is twelve years younger (then another in two years behind that one). I'm actually closest with my younger sister, who is just turning 18 while I'm almost 30. The gap wasn't intentional, just what happened for my mom. However, I did NOT like being 14 and having two babies around, and I've never been close with the other siblings.

    My daughter will have her first birthday early in 2019 and my husband and I are trying to decide whether we'd like to try again after her first birthday or maybe wait another year or two. He is barely two years younger than his sister and they have always been very close, but my youngest siblings are the same age apart and aren't particularly close other than having shared experiences, like vacations, etc. They don't have the same friends and don't talk much.

    I guess I'm not so much worried about children being close (because we really can't control that) as much as I think about my own difficulties. I know it's exhausting having two under age 3, because I watched my mom do it, but I also know it was very hard for her to give up her independence again when she gave birth to my sister. She went from a mom of basically teens to a mom of infants and that's a huge step back.
    Last edited by yellowplums; October 1st, 2018 at 10:00 PM.

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