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Thread: Opinions needed

  1. #11
    Join Date
    Dec 2012
    Posts
    5,048
    @rosebeth - naming a child is up to the parents entirely. So in my opinion, it is only about picking a name that you and your DH agree on, period, end of story. Your MIL has no say, and quite frankly, in my opinion needs to keep her opinions out of your name discussions, it is not as if you or your DH asked for ideas and/or advice on naming your potential future child. And I think it was extremely rude of her to say that your son’s name isn’t nice. She had her chance to name her children, now it’s you and your husband’s turn.
    Mama to Isla Mae (11/25/14) & Sophie Ruth (5/2/2017)

    Names I love ...
    The Ladies
    *Vera Kate *Daphne Ann *Gemma Claire *Lucy Charlotte *Matilda Jane *Ella Audrey *Cora Violet
    The Gentlemen
    *Colin Wade *August Henry *Jasper Owen *Emmett Flynn *Nathan Elias *Archer Isaac
    *Rex Julian

    Guilty Pleasure
    *Evangeline Lark *Rosie Aurora *Seraphine Winter *Sparrow Evelina *Persephone Lilac
    *Dmitri Blake *Woodrow Vincent *Josey Falcon *Valentine Frost *Raven Balthazar

  2. #13
    Join Date
    Apr 2013
    Location
    Xi'An, China
    Posts
    5,749
    It kind of sounds to me like you've already made up your mind. But since you asked for opinions, I'll give mine.

    Your MIL never should have said anything that implied your first son's name was "less than". That was inappropriate. In terms of wanting an African name, she's free to request that. In the end, it's completely up to the parents.

    Now, I am in a situation similar to yours. I'm American with French, Italian, and British ancestry. My husband is from a Turkish-speaking Iranian family. We live in China, just to complicate things.

    For our first, I chose an Italian first name as a nod to my family. Her middle name is Persian to honor DH's background.

    I considered doing the same for my son. I even considered giving him my grandfather's first name. There were many reasons (including legal and cultural reasons) that I decided to give my son a Persian first name. I also felt that Emiliana had such a big nod to my family that I'd like to give my son a tie to his Persian family. I had originally planned to give him a middle name with a tie to my family, but I actually found a Persian name that I completely fell in love with and wanted as a middle.

    If you'd told me 5 years ago that my son would have a Persian name, I'd never believe you. I strongly dislike 99% of Persian names. But I love his name... I found the Persian names that are beautiful and meaningful to me.

    My parents in law really don't care much about names. And they thought Caspian was a bit strange at first, as it's only used rarely in Iran. However, I must say that giving him a Persian name has really been a source of pride for DH's family. I'd never give my child a name I hated for someone else, but it is nice that by compromising I've been able to really help them bond.

    As for sibsets, I don't believe in them. Each child is an individual. It's nice if their names "match", but it's not necessary. My siblings and I have names that don't match at all. We never realized it or cared.

    Moreover, you have an international family. It would be a bit strange to me if all your kids did have Icelandic names. They're from a diverse background. It's ok if their names reflect that.

    In the end, you and your husband should decide. However, I also don't think you're keeping a very open mind. Instead of determining now that your kid WILL have an Icelandic name, why not look through lists of Swedish, English, and African names? Put your favs in a list with your top Icelandic names, and look for something truly meaningful that reflects who you are or what you want for your child.

    Name Nerd, Professor, Anthropologist, INTP, Expat, Mom

    ************************************

    Emiliana Pari 郑煜曈 '14
    &
    Caspian Kaveh 郑煜祺 '17


    *****************************

  3. #15
    Join Date
    Apr 2013
    Location
    Xi'An, China
    Posts
    5,749
    One last thing to add. Going through lists of Persian names was delightful. We laughed our heads off at the ones that didn't translate, like Solama (So, llama?). We argued over ones he liked and I didn't. More importantly, the names allowed me to learn about his culture. I learned about Persian literature and history. I now know quite a bit about the legendary kings and mythological heroes. I know the stories about various generals and military commanders. I know which names are popular in Iran, which ones sound like bad words, and which ones just really don't work in the West (hello, Aryan). Persian friends ask me for advice when naming their babies. I can converse with Persians about a wide variety of topics. Even if you didn't end up choosing an African name, being open to the names is also a way of being open to the culture. And this can only strengthen your relationship...

    Name Nerd, Professor, Anthropologist, INTP, Expat, Mom

    ************************************

    Emiliana Pari 郑煜曈 '14
    &
    Caspian Kaveh 郑煜祺 '17


    *****************************

  4. #17
    Join Date
    Dec 2016
    Location
    Spain
    Posts
    898
    I can totally relate to this.

    You shouldn't be pressured to use an African name just because you didn't use it on the first spot last time. Naming a child is not a game, nor a competition. Family should step away from this, as I find it a very intimate and personal process between the parents. They can obviously help and suggest, but they should never ever shame you for what you chose for your child. It is YOUR child, remember. And you can trust me when I say that you alwas look for what's best for your child regarding his environment. If you don't like any African name, why on earth should you just name your child whatever name your MIL wants? That's not ok.

    You should seriously consider sitting down and having a deep talk with your husband. You should talk about your priorities. Do you prefer giving your own child a name you dislike just because you want to see your MIL happy for about 2 weeks? Because after that she'll just forget about it. When a child is named and that name suits him, the naming-problems are over.

    I totally get you when you say you want a coherent sibset... I wouldn't want to end up with a sibset like.. idk Modesty, Riot & Tequila (just joking lol). But I understand where you get from! Every mom wants their childrens names to go with each other nicely and neatly! And I'm sorry but in my case my kids go first, childish family members can stand in the background.

    Good luck on you naming-journey!
    ♥Valentina Mae Stella ♥
    14·4·16
    /'vælənˈtiːnə/:"strength, health"
    /'meɪ/:"bitter or pearl"
    /ˈstɛlə/:''tail of a comet''

    ♠Thiago Sasha Cove ♠
    2·12·17
    /'tɪaγo/:''supplanter''
    /ˈsɑːʃə/:''defending men"
    /'kəʊv/:"inlet"

    ♠Leandro Tristan Yves ♠
    2·12·17
    /'lɛændrəʊ/:''lion-man''
    /'trɪstæn/:"sorrowful"
    /'ɪv/:"yew wood"

  5. #19
    @tfzolghadr: thank you for sharing your experiences. I can relate to some things you mentioned. I want to say, however, that the fact I might not want to give my child an African name does not at all mean that I'm not open to the culture. DH and I are very aware of the fact that our family is a mixture of cultures, and it's definitely reflected in the way we live and raise our son. Not only in the more "shallow" things like food, but also in the stories we tell him, the music we listen to etc. I know a lot about my own heritage and about my husband's. I grew up in Iceland, but I also speak Swedish and Polish (and English of course), I know a lot about DH's culture and heritage. Hjörtur is three years old, he's bilingual and can understand a third language, though he doesn't speak it.
    I guess what I'm saying is, the names you give your children are not the only way to pass on someone's heritage.

    @jtucker and stellavra99: I agree that naming a child is something between the parents of the baby. I do understand, however, that MIL's opinion matters to my husband. The thing is, usually I get along fine with my MIL, but she can be difficult. I try to ignore it and focus on the things we do agree on, but it's not always easy.
    Mother to Hjörtur Emmanuel

    Hlynur Gabriel * Gretar Johannes* Ragnar Felix * Remus Edgar * Jan Vakur * Hrafn Aron

    Vaka Susanna * Octavia Elizabeth * Greta Magdalena * Salka Jakobina * Karolina Maria * Johanna Charlotta

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