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Thread: Opinions needed

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jun 2018
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    328

    Opinions needed

    I need some opinions on this...

    DH and I have a three year old son, Hjörtur Emmanuel, and are currently TTC for baby number two. I'm half Icelandic, 25% Swedish and 25% Polish. DH is half English, half Ugandese. When our son was born we had a hard time deciding and compromising on his name, but in the end we decided on first name Hjörtur, an Icelandic name meaning "deer", and middle name Emmanuel, after DH's grandfather. His parents, especially his mother, never liked our son's name. She hated the fact we chose an Icelandic name, she always felt like DH was denying his heritage in some way, even though baby's middle name was her father's name.
    This weekend, DH told his mother that we were planning on having another baby. She was very excited, because she always felt like one child isn't enough and she wants her son, and all of her other children, to have a big family. She also mentioned she hopes we chose a better name for our baby this time, something that sounds "more African" (her own words). DH told her we'd consider it, without asking me. I'm more inclined to gave baby number two an Icelandic name... Not because I don't want to honor DH's heritage, it's my children's heritage too, and of course I'd love to honor that... With a middle name, as we did with Hjörtur. I don't want to be difficult, and I suppose if DH wants a different kind of first name, I'd have to consider it, but in my heart I don't agree.
    What would you guys do?
    Mother to Hjörtur Emmanuel

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  2. #3
    Join Date
    Apr 2018
    Posts
    716
    Quite honestly, I think you should alternate which of your heritages you choose to honor. Because you named your first born with an Icelandic name, your next child should have an African name. I don't think it's wrong that your mother-in-law wants a child named with their Heritage, although I do think it's wrong that she is trying to shame you for giving your son a name with your heritage. And I think that your husband definitely should have discussed it with you before he agreed to anything
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  3. #5
    Join Date
    Mar 2016
    Location
    Germany
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    1,585
    Has your husband stated his opinion on this? My view might be a little idealistic, not having named kids my own, but the baby name should be the parents' decision alone. Of course your MIL can state her opinion, but your post suggests that she overstepped a line there. Also, if you're taking turns with the honour names, shouldn't the next be swedish/polish/british?
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  4. #7
    Join Date
    Apr 2018
    Posts
    716
    Does your husband have any siblings with children, and do any of them have African names? MIL might be feeling left out.
    Mommy to Audrey Jeanine and Ezra Marvin

    Expecting Baby #3 April 2019

    Jasper Lee or Violet Lenore







  5. #9
    Join Date
    Aug 2013
    Location
    KC => SC
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    4,939
    Is there a reason you don’t want to use a different origin of names for #2? Is it because of a contrast in styles or something else? Why is your heritage honored in the first name spot while your husband’s is pushed to the middle? I guess I’m just having a hard time understanding your concern with using an African name.

    It also doesn’t sound like your husband agreed to anything. Your post said he told his mom you’d consider it. In those words, it sounds more like a “I’ll talk to my wife about this but we haven’t decided on anything yet” than a “Yes, absolutely, we’re going to do that 100%”. I agree with PP who say that his mom should butt out.

    This seems like a discussion you should have with your DH. Ask him what he expects in a name for #2 and go from there. It doesn’t sound like you’re pregnant yet (?) just trying, so you have time to figure things out. Good luck!
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