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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Location
    Canada
    Posts
    1,895

    Miscarriage/StillBirth/Pregnancy Loss Support

    Just thought I would make a thread for the Mamas that have experienced a loss. I know there’s a few of us going through it right now and others that have been through it before.
    It helps to know that you aren’t alone and sharing your story and reading the stories of others is something I find genuinely helpful.

    Any loss is valid, whether you had an early loss/chemical pregnancy that ended days after finding out, or if you spent weeks/months bonding with a baby you will never get to know or meet. Additionally, if you made the difficult choice to have an abortion and are grieving that loss, you are welcome.
    There is no easy time to say goodbye to a baby.


    {sleep wake hope and then}
    e.e cummings

    TTC Our First
    Hoping on a Rainbow
    —————
    7w6d - 6w - 4w - 12w
    Patience - Opal - Hope - Haven
    Always with me.



  2. #3
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Location
    Canada
    Posts
    1,895
    I’ll start for anyone that doesn’t know much of my journey yet.
    We started TTC back in September of 2017, and had no luck until February when we found ourselves expecting. However, that pregnancy was plagued by spotting and cramping from the beginning, my hcg was incredibly low at 4 weeks, and although I had hope, the pregnancy miscarried at exactly 6 weeks. I miscarried naturally, and it was over quickly luckily.
    I had intended on waiting for my next full cycle to try again, but ended up seeing several faint, but positive tests two days before my next period. Somewhat miraculous timing as we had only had sex once about 5 days before ovulation that month. That pregnancy ended only a few short days later when my period showed up on time.
    We immediately resumed trying, only to find out were were expecting again that very next cycle. 3 pregnancies in 3 months. I approached this pregnancy with hopeful optimism and made the most out of every moment and milestone. We had an ultrasound in the seventh week, which showed a growing baby with a strong heartbeat. This often means only good things, and our chances of miscarrying plummeted with that little heartbeat and healthy baby. We shared the news with many close to us, and I let my employers know at 10 weeks, everything was going well. My morning sickness was only getting worse and all the appropriate symptoms were there, I eagerly awaited my next view of baby at the ultrasound planned for 12 weeks 4 days. At the beginning of the 12th week I started getting a bad feeling that something was wrong, I tried to write it off as paranoia and anxiety. But at the ultrasound it was found that my baby no longer had a heart beat, baby was 12 weeks grown and had passed on only days before. Due to the bad feeling I was having, it wasn’t a great shock but it was incredibly devastating. The odds of a miscarriage at 12 weeks after the presence of a heartbeat, are very low... it was a blow, a hard one to take as our third loss when everything was going so well and it seemed alright to share the news and be hopeful and plan... now it’s a process of untelling people and reimagining the next year of our lives. I am not sure when we will try again.
    I just got off the phone with the early loss clinic, I will be having a D&C on Wednesday as it’s the recommended course of action for a pregnancy at this point and my preferred choice, I have no desire to miscarry at home. My baby looked like a baby at the final ultrasound, all curled up and small... I don’t want to experience passing it at home. The clinic and my midwife were both wonderfully supportive and said nothing but kind words and were very reassuring. The loss clinic said it must have been a shock due to the healthiness of the pregnancy up until that point...
    I am not sure when or how to move on from this loss and it’s incredibly hard to think about at this point.


    {sleep wake hope and then}
    e.e cummings

    TTC Our First
    Hoping on a Rainbow
    —————
    7w6d - 6w - 4w - 12w
    Patience - Opal - Hope - Haven
    Always with me.



  3. #5
    Join Date
    Jul 2012
    Location
    United States
    Posts
    3,145
    Kibby, I can't even imagine how hard this most recent loss must have been, given how healthy everything looked for so long. I also just want to say that, when it comes to moving forward/trying again, don't rush. You need time to heal and to mourn. I do hope that, whenever you do feel comfortable trying again, that you guys are blessed with a super healthy little one!

    I wasn't going to post on this, other than that comment to you, because I still struggle with understanding our situations...but you made this pretty inclusive, so I feel comfortable expanding my post.

    I think a good number of Berries who frequent the MomBerries section remember a fair bit of our journey. We started TTC in February of 2016. I wasn't on birth control at any point, so we figured that we'd start trying immediately and that we'd quickly get pregnant. It didn't go that way. Months, then a year, passed with nothing. Then, in July of 2017, I took a pregnancy test. It was very, very faintly positive. I had to squint, but I swore that I could see the line. I waited a day or so and tested again. This time, the line was still faint, but definitely stronger. I decided to test again in a couple of days, to see if I could get a stronger positive. Instead, the test was negative. I went to the doctor and the pregnancy test there was negative, too. Around the next day, I started bleeding very heavy...worse than my normal periods. It was at that time that I learned what a chemical pregnancy was, even though it took a long time for me to really mourn and process it. It seriously didn't hit me until early this year.

    Fast forward to spring of this year. I had a medicated cycle, we had sex at the appropriate times, and I was really confident. I had strong nausea, dizziness, and a few other symptoms. When I tested, I got what appeared to be an extremely faint line. It was very quickly after that that I got several clearly negative tests and started bleeding. This one hit me much more quickly than the last time. This one, though, I have a harder time admitting what happened.

    Chemical pregnancies are so, so confusing. Since I had such faint lines on the pregnancy tests and since I never got to hear a heartbeat or anything, it is almost as though they didn't really happen. I told my mom the first time and she didn't believe me, which doesn't help things. My husband doesn't really understand, either, so I really feel like there is no support. It sucks.
    Alyssa

    I am 1 in 8. TTC #1 for 2 years, 11 months and counting...

    After 5 years, we finally have settled on: Isla Felicity Dove and Judah Ebenezer!

    Ada Rosemary and Bennett Dale still on reserve

  4. #7
    Join Date
    Apr 2015
    Location
    Australia
    Posts
    1,834
    I'm so sorry for what both of you dear ladies has had to experience. It just breaks my heart. I think you are incredible and powerful for continuing to stride on in your ttc journey despite these trials and heartache. I really want to commend your openness and willingness to share and support each other in such times - that's bold step, but a needed one, I think. I hope it helps your healing process. Sending you so much love, and many hugs. Your honesty and genuine spirits inspire me. Xx
    Kay - 26yrs
    Wifey to my Sunshine - 17.2.17
    .girls.
    Mercedes Aliyah Rose | Persephone Annabelle Rain
    Seraphine Arwen Elyse | Evangeline Haven Grace
    Pomeline Violet Snow | Delphine Aurora Wren
    Amelia Jane Autumn | Sibylla Raven Willow
    ...musing over Pandora and Apolline...
    .boys.
    Othello Bentley Fox | Atlas Orion Boyd
    Luca Indigo Cove | Oberon Story Zale
    Vincent Aurel Lark | Bowen Wilder Oak
    Peregrine Evander Quill


  5. #9
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Location
    Canada
    Posts
    1,895
    @mummacat - Thank you so much for your love and thoughts. It’s so important to find a community that will support and understand you during the ups and downs of the TTC journey, it comes easily to many women, and those stories are frustrating to hear when you struggle because you feel so alone and isolated, nobody likes talking about their failures.

    @Alyssa - I am so so glad you responded. I know you had struggled with your previous chemical pregnancy and then you hadn’t said much about those faint positives we were sure you received a few cycles ago, I had worried and wondered if you were grieving for that alone. The thing is, a positive is a positive and it’s a glimmer of hope it an otherwise discouraging journey. Chemical pregnancy or early miscarriage, regardless of what you want to label it can be a very real loss but it’s one that’s hard to explain to others as there’s no proof that it ever happened other than you knowing that for a brief moment you were pregnant before the possibility was snatched away. I will be honest, I didn’t even tell my fiancé about our second loss, that brief chemical pregnancy, because he is a very factual and logical person, I know he wouldn’t see it in the way that would be helpful to my healing process. In fact, only after this most recent loss is he beginning to understand that our first loss at 6 weeks is something that should be taken into account and considered. He had no idea that even a loss that early can be counted as a miscarriage towards my medical history. 5 months after the fact he is realizing that we are at least two miscarriages into the process and he’s doing research now in order to understand which makes my heart happy. Early losses aren’t something that are easily shared or understood. There’s so much shame and secrecy regarding a woman’s ability or inability to get pregnant and carry a child, but there’s no reason that any of us needs to grieve alone.


    {sleep wake hope and then}
    e.e cummings

    TTC Our First
    Hoping on a Rainbow
    —————
    7w6d - 6w - 4w - 12w
    Patience - Opal - Hope - Haven
    Always with me.



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