Menu
  
Page 2 of 3 FirstFirst 1 2 3 LastLast
Results 11 to 20 of 30
  1. #11
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Location
    Canada
    Posts
    1,901
    @thefuturemrsb - Welcome back to the boards. Mourning a pregnancy that you elected to terminate is a difficult thing to do. It is incredibly lonely because the topic of abortion is even more taboo than the topic of miscarriage. I know this from experience, I had my first pregnancy when we weren’t ready for it, about 8 years ago. I wanted that baby, I wanted it desperately and at one point I had told him we were keeping it, only to realize that it really wasn’t something that made sense for our lives and our plans. I said goodbye to that pregnancy in a few days of tears and had my abortion at 7w6d. Even all this time later I think about that time and wonder how things would be different. I know we made the right choice, we wouldn’t have had the money to go to school or buy our house or do any of the things we have done. I don’t regret my choice, not for a second, but I do think of it often. I got a tattoo on my wrist a couple years later, one that’s a reminder of my choice and that brief time where everything could have been different. We don’t talk about that pregnancy, to be honest, he barely remembers that it happened, it got brought up a bit more over the last week with my current experience with a D&C and how vastly different it was this time...
    I don’t have much advice for you but just to let you know you aren’t alone. It’s difficult no matter what anyone says or thinks, whether it’s a choice or not. Try to let yourself grieve, try to talk to your husband, really try to talk about your future as a couple and as a family and make sure you are in the same place so you don’t find yourself in the same situation again. Once is hard enough.


    {sleep wake hope and then}
    e.e cummings

    TTC Our First
    Hoping on a Rainbow
    —————
    7w6d - 6w - 4w - 12w - 5w
    Patience - Opal - Hope - Haven - Wren
    Always with me.



  2. #12
    Hello everybody, I would also like to tell you about my miscarriages as reading your stories made me see that I am not the only one and that there is hope.

    I was only getting into using the TTC board, here on nameberry, in January as a few weeks later I got a BFP. As I was traveling a lot I was not able to announce my good news and by the time I could have, I had a miscarriage at 5 weeks 5 days. I needed a break from forums and by the time I felt ready to join again I felt that too much time had passed and decided to just stalk the TTC forum but not be active on it. To my delight I did not have to wait too long before I got another BFP (2 cycles after the 1st miscarriage). I was over the moon but of course very worried that I could miscarry again so I went to a doctor at 5 weeks 3 days, thinking she would carry out blood test. To my horror the doctor told me I was barely pregnant and that I was wasting her time, if I should still be pregnant 2 months later to come back then. I left in tears, I did not expect this at all and sadly I lost that pregnancy at 6 weeks 2 days. Both miscarriages happend naturally and took about a week.

    I cant wait to get another BFP with hopefully a sticky baby. I desperately would love a child of my own but at the same time I am also pretty scared now as it was emotionally very hard to go through. I honestly don't know if I could get over another miscarriage without falling apart. I know some of you ladies have been through much more, how do you get through it? How do you pick yourself up afterwards?

  3. #13
    I was blessed to have two healthy pregnancies; however, my third ended up being an ectopic and my fourth was a missed miscarriage.

    With my third pregnancy, I had a bad feeling from the beginning. I just felt like I wouldn't be fortunate to have three healthy pregnancies. I was paranoid from the start. I wasn't experiencing morning sickness or anything. One day, I had terrible cramping and pain. I thought it was pressure due to constipation because I couldn't go; however, I was in so much pain, I was doubled over and couldn't move. I remember finally moving to the tub to see if a hot bath would help alleviate the pain. It helped a little. We called the doctor and they said it was normal. It didn't feel normal. I went to the ER the next day. I had to schedule an ultrasound for the following day. I wasn't given the results but, they were sent to my doctor (who never received them). The cramping never really stopped and I had mild bleeding. My doctor monitored my HCG and it kept rising but not doubling. I ended up having intense pain again and this time chose to go to another hospital. Again, they found nothing. My doctor finally scheduled an appointment (they don't see patients until 10 weeks) and discovered I had a tubal pregnancy. I was scheduled for surgery the next day. It turns out, it had ruptured and I was bleeding internally. If I had waited another week, I probably would have lost my life. Even now, the reality of that hasn't sunk in. I feel like I'm being overly dramatic. I lost my ovary and fallopian tube.

    My miscarriage wasn't life threatening but, it was definitely traumatic. I experienced morning sickness the first couple of weeks and then it stopped. I remained optimistic because I didn't experience any miscarriage symptoms and I went to my first appointment (10 weeks) excited. They did an ultrasound and told me that it was measuring small. I didn't think anything about it until they said there was no blood flow. I had lost the baby at 7 weeks. That's three weeks of thinking I was fine and my baby was healthy. I broke down in tears. I scheduled a D&C for later that week.

    Both of these happened within a year. I was recently blessed with my rainbow baby but, I still think about what could have been. Especially since my due date for my ectopic was around the same time as his.
    Last edited by lapislazuli; June 30th, 2018 at 10:55 PM.
    I may not have carried all of you, but I love you all the same.
    (12/31, 4/22, 02/7, 7/4, 4/22)
    (9/13, 3/21)

  4. #14
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Location
    Canada
    Posts
    1,901
    @sunshine31 - picking up and carrying on and figuring out what works for yourself is tough. Yesterday marks two weeks since we lost our most recent pregnancy, and only now do I feel more like myself. It’s been a tough, terrible couple of weeks. My 12 week loss hit me so much harder than my earlier losses, and I needed much more time to come to terms with it. I went back to work the day before my D&C just to get everything organized, and haven’t been back to the office since. I worked from home luckily with support from my office and will return back to work on Tuesday now. It’s very hard and you need to let yourself feel all the emotions running through your system, the fear, the despair, the anger, and sometimes the relief. Do not push yourself to get over it, do not push yourself to try again sooner than you are emotionally ready. Be kind to yourself and don’t pressure yourself to feel a certain way.
    Try to find closure, name your baby if it helps. All four of mine have names, it’s how I remember them. Some women get tattooed, some release balloons, some write a letter to their baby. It’s such a personal journey and it’s not an easy one, there’s no right or wrong way to grieve and move forward. Try again when you are ready, whenever that may be. A week ago I never wanted to be pregnant again, but this week I feel more brave when it comes to the possibility.
    Even after two miscarriages your odds of a healthy pregnancy are still so high, and I am sorry your doctor reacted that way, I was told the same thing during my first pregnancy this year. It’s incredibly insensitive, and I never went back to that doctor. Keep your head up.

    @lapislazuli - Complications from a ectopic pregnancy can be terrifying, I had a friend with a very similar experience that almost cost her her life as well. It’s wonderful that you have been able to conceive since that experience though, and that your rainbow baby coincides with your ectopic, things like that feel meant to be!


    {sleep wake hope and then}
    e.e cummings

    TTC Our First
    Hoping on a Rainbow
    —————
    7w6d - 6w - 4w - 12w - 5w
    Patience - Opal - Hope - Haven - Wren
    Always with me.



  5. #15
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    Location
    U.S.
    Posts
    2,553
    Many of you know a little bit of my story but none of you know all of it. A long time ago, when my husband and I were first together, we got pregnant without trying. We were young, I had just started my career, we weren't in a good place financially, and we just weren't ready to be parents. We came to the difficult decision to terminate the pregnancy. It was the best decision at that time and although I don't necessarily regret it, I often wonder what my life would be like had we chosen differently. I think about that baby often and it still hurts.

    Fast forward several years and we were ready to be parents! Then came years of heartache during our struggles with infertility. I couldn't help but think I was being punished for my previous decision all those years ago. I thought that it was karma, that I didn't deserve a baby. Then we miscarried, and then we miscarried again, and then came the depression. I thought it was all my fault. That my body gave me the opportunity once and I threw my chance at motherhood away. I was in a dark place for a long, long time. My husband is the only reason I kept putting one foot in front of the other.

    Fast forward again to September of 2017, I had an HSG that showed a blocked tube. Luckily my OB was willing to let me do three final rounds of meds before moving on to IVF. We were one month shy of three years of actively trying and I was ready to give up. I had zero expectations and I had lost all hope. The HSG showed my right tube was blocked and of course all of my ovulation pains were on the right. I was 100% sure we were out. And then randomly around CD 25 I had a crazy vivid dream about childbirth, woke up to pee, and decided to pee on a stick for shits and giggles. It was freaking positive. I still didn't believe it or let myself get excited.

    I went on to have blood work that showed great numbers but I still told myself we'd lose this baby too. It wasn't until our 8 week ultrasound where we saw TWO babies that I started to feel hopeful. The ultrasound confirmed I ovulated from the right ovary, which has the blocked tube. And it showed that the twins were identical which is a completely random chance, not caused by my fertility meds. These babies were miracles. I had two subchorionic hemorrhages which caused me to bleed from 6 weeks to 14 weeks. Two days after hitting viability week, when I thought I could relax a bit, we found out one twin was measuring quite small. Our baby B was diagnosed with SIUGR and was extremely stressed in my womb. Basically the shared placenta couldn't keep up with both babies so baby B was suffering. We were sent for steroid injections to strengthen the babies lungs and I had doctors appointments 3 times a week including ultrasounds, NSTs, and other procedures. Somehow we made it to 34 weeks and my girls were born at 4 lbs and 2 lbs 10 oz.

    Additionally, during my surgery my OB found a mass on my right fallopian tube, the one that had the blockage. She removed it and sent it to pathology for review. She came to see me while I was visiting my girls in the NICU to tell me the results. It was an old ectopic pregnancy that by body encapsulated. So adding all of this up... I have actually been pregnant 5 times resulting in 4 angel babies and our miracle twin girls.

    I guess I'm explaining all of this to show you that miracles really do happen. It sounds so cliche and I hate that, but I can't help it. Please feel free to reach out to me if you want to, I'm a great listener. There is also a lovely community on Instagram for all things ttc, pregnancy loss support, stillbirth, etc. I'm more than happy to send you in the right direction if you'd like to join. It helped me so much during my darkest days. It's a very active community and these women understand you 1000%. I wish you all the best and I can't wait to see your BFP posts in the future! <3
    My double rainbows,
    Indie Lola & Rowan Violet

    I carry your heart with me. I carry it in my heart.



  6. #16
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Location
    Canada
    Posts
    1,901
    Quote Originally Posted by lainy View Post
    It was the best decision at that time and although I don't necessarily regret it, I often wonder what my life would be like had we chosen differently. I think about that baby often and it still hurts.

    Fast forward several years and we were ready to be parents! Then came years of heartache during our struggles with infertility. I couldn't help but think I was being punished for my previous decision all those years ago. I thought that it was karma, that I didn't deserve a baby. Then we miscarried, and then we miscarried again, and then came the depression. I thought it was all my fault. That my body gave me the opportunity once and I threw my chance at motherhood away. I was in a dark place for a long, long time. My husband is the only reason I kept putting one foot in front of the other.
    We have been on the forums for a long time together Lainy and thank you for sharing this part of your journey I had no idea. I know all of these feelings and this part of your journey all too well as I have been experiencing these thoughts myself lately after repeated losses. It does feel like punishment and bad karma, I find myself wondering if that was a baby that would have worked out, if I should have kept that baby, or if I would have lost that baby too anyway. I try not to let myself get lost in these thoughts but it’s hard not to. I still don’t regret it but wondering and what ifs are always there. The chance and everything was there, but we weren’t ready, the time wasn’t right, and now we are struggling for making the choice to wait until we were ready, fast forward 8 years and Now almost a year of trying later we have 3 losses and I am losing hope that it can be done some days. Other days I am eternally optimistic but it’s beyond difficult.


    {sleep wake hope and then}
    e.e cummings

    TTC Our First
    Hoping on a Rainbow
    —————
    7w6d - 6w - 4w - 12w - 5w
    Patience - Opal - Hope - Haven - Wren
    Always with me.



  7. #17
    Join Date
    Jul 2012
    Location
    United States
    Posts
    3,389
    Quote Originally Posted by lainy View Post
    Many of you know a little bit of my story but none of you know all of it. A long time ago, when my husband and I were first together, we got pregnant without trying. We were young, I had just started my career, we weren't in a good place financially, and we just weren't ready to be parents. We came to the difficult decision to terminate the pregnancy. It was the best decision at that time and although I don't necessarily regret it, I often wonder what my life would be like had we chosen differently. I think about that baby often and it still hurts.

    Fast forward several years and we were ready to be parents! Then came years of heartache during our struggles with infertility. I couldn't help but think I was being punished for my previous decision all those years ago. I thought that it was karma, that I didn't deserve a baby. Then we miscarried, and then we miscarried again, and then came the depression. I thought it was all my fault. That my body gave me the opportunity once and I threw my chance at motherhood away. I was in a dark place for a long, long time. My husband is the only reason I kept putting one foot in front of the other.

    Fast forward again to September of 2017, I had an HSG that showed a blocked tube. Luckily my OB was willing to let me do three final rounds of meds before moving on to IVF. We were one month shy of three years of actively trying and I was ready to give up. I had zero expectations and I had lost all hope. The HSG showed my right tube was blocked and of course all of my ovulation pains were on the right. I was 100% sure we were out. And then randomly around CD 25 I had a crazy vivid dream about childbirth, woke up to pee, and decided to pee on a stick for shits and giggles. It was freaking positive. I still didn't believe it or let myself get excited.

    I went on to have blood work that showed great numbers but I still told myself we'd lose this baby too. It wasn't until our 8 week ultrasound where we saw TWO babies that I started to feel hopeful. The ultrasound confirmed I ovulated from the right ovary, which has the blocked tube. And it showed that the twins were identical which is a completely random chance, not caused by my fertility meds. These babies were miracles. I had two subchorionic hemorrhages which caused me to bleed from 6 weeks to 14 weeks. Two days after hitting viability week, when I thought I could relax a bit, we found out one twin was measuring quite small. Our baby B was diagnosed with SIUGR and was extremely stressed in my womb. Basically the shared placenta couldn't keep up with both babies so baby B was suffering. We were sent for steroid injections to strengthen the babies lungs and I had doctors appointments 3 times a week including ultrasounds, NSTs, and other procedures. Somehow we made it to 34 weeks and my girls were born at 4 lbs and 2 lbs 10 oz.

    Additionally, during my surgery my OB found a mass on my right fallopian tube, the one that had the blockage. She removed it and sent it to pathology for review. She came to see me while I was visiting my girls in the NICU to tell me the results. It was an old ectopic pregnancy that by body encapsulated. So adding all of this up... I have actually been pregnant 5 times resulting in 4 angel babies and our miracle twin girls.

    I guess I'm explaining all of this to show you that miracles really do happen. It sounds so cliche and I hate that, but I can't help it. Please feel free to reach out to me if you want to, I'm a great listener. There is also a lovely community on Instagram for all things ttc, pregnancy loss support, stillbirth, etc. I'm more than happy to send you in the right direction if you'd like to join. It helped me so much during my darkest days. It's a very active community and these women understand you 1000%. I wish you all the best and I can't wait to see your BFP posts in the future! <3
    Lainy, your story has always given me so much hope. We were in at least 2 TTC groups together on here and I remember hoping so badly that you'd get your miracle. You 100% deserved your little miracle girls. That had to be unimaginably hard to walk that path, thinking that you were getting some sort of payback for ending your first pregnancy. Thank you for sharing your story <3 you and all of the other ladies.
    Alyssa

    Elim Nathaniel James due Feb 2020 <3

    "Beauty begins the moment you decide to be yourself"~ Coco Chanel

  8. #18
    Join Date
    Jul 2017
    Location
    Australia
    Posts
    279
    I'm posting to give this thread a boost. I know there are berries out there now who might benefit from posting (or even just following the discussion).
    Last edited by onomastodon; October 24th, 2018 at 07:01 AM.

  9. #19
    Join Date
    Feb 2018
    Posts
    20
    Hi. I hope you are doing well. Thanks for making this thread. I feel so bad for every mother who ever lost their babies. Miscarriages are horrible. I never had one and I hope I never do. I don't think I will ever be able to deal with that kind of pain. When my surrogate was pregnant with my son, my life started changing on a daily basis. I would desperately wait for the birth of my son in those days. I couldn't even imagine what I would've been like if I had lost him. People who go through this are really strong. They deserve all the happiness in the world. Sending prayers to the mommies who are currently dealing with this. I hope things work out for you all. More power to all of you.

  10. #20
    Join Date
    Apr 2017
    Location
    America
    Posts
    155
    We weren’t trying, and my period was only one day late, but I just had this weird feeling, so I took an at-home pregnancy test. And it was clearly positive. That was on November 16, 2017. I went to my doctor and had a test done there as well, and it was positive, with my HCG levels over 30,000.

    I was terrified. I had only known my boyfriend for two months and he was battling with mental health problems. But he was so excited and happy. I wasn’t. ...I wanted an abortion, and I cried all the time and was angry. I prayed for a miscarriage.

    I soon found out that under my parents health insurance, I had no maternity benefits, so I went on welfare. They wanted my first ultrasound scheduled for December 20th, but because of the whole health insurance fiasco, it got pushed back to January 8.

    Around the middle of December, I started to bleed, like a very mild period, but it didn’t go away. I talked to the nurses and they just thought I was dehydrated, so I tried to drink more water.

    On December 17, its really weird, but I just started thinking about my late grandmother all the time, and it almost started to feel like she was there with me, by my side, telling me that everything was going to be okay. One week later, I decided that I wanted the baby, and I was at peace and I was happy, and everyone sort of breathed a sigh of relief.

    On Christmas Eve, the bleeding got worse, so me, my boyfriend and my parents went to the ER. I had my first ultrasound done, and there were four sacs. I was diagnosed with a threatened quadruplet miscarriage. It was the happiest day of my life. I had always wanted at least four children, and I was going to have a full family all at once. They were so tiny on the ultrasound that you couldn’t even see them. I was about five or six weeks along at that point.

    On December 30, the cramping got worse, and quickly became the worst period pain of my life. I completely soiled a thick pad in under 20 minutes, and then I started having contractions every three minutes. It was so painful... I knew I was losing them and I broke down, we went back to the ER, and it was confirmed, and I had to have a D&C that night. By New Year’s Eve the miscarriage was over...

    It was like... I had life in me... four children, and then all of a sudden, they were erased. Just gone. I think about them every single day, all day. I wonder what gender they would have been, what they would have looked like, which one would have been the first to talk, or walk...

    This pain stays with you. I really miss them.
    Violet Alice Sybil, Lydia Victoria Georgiana, Katherine Josephine Isobel,
    Rose Margaret Philippa, Adelaide Philippa
    Andrew Jonathan, Charles Richard, Thomas Kenneth,
    George Albert, Edward Arthur

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •