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  1. #16
    I was diagnosed with PPD/PPA in February of this year. (After the birth of my third child) It was a very scary time and I was so ashamed it took me awhile to reach out for help. I am so glad I did. After seeing my counselor a few times she determined that I was already suffering from depression from when my father passed away suddenly in December 2015. I got pregnant in April 2016 and was still trying to work through my loss. Now I see a psychotherapist as well and he has added perinatal depression on top of the others. Most of my family and friends have been supportive but the one I really need in my corner, my husband, doesn't understand and doesn't care too. He thinks it's some made up disease and that I'm just being lazy and making excuses. It's really put our marriage to the test and many times I've felt like I needed to just leave but my Dr says not to make any major life decisions while in this state.

    I am so glad that you started this thread. We need to know we are not alone and being a new mom isn't always sunshine and rainbows.

  2. #18
    Join Date
    Oct 2013
    Location
    New Jersey
    Posts
    469
    Hi everyone, its been a while since anyone posted here, but I feel like its something I need to do. I am 5 weeks pp and I am struggling. I am not 100% convinced its ppd, and I haven't been diagnosed, but things have not been easy.
    The reason I'm not convinced its ppd is because I don't feel a general depression, something that I have struggled with in the past, but more a problem with my postpartum body. I was terribly depressed the last half of this pregnancy, but felt better once I gave birth.

    I gained a lot of weight this pregnancy due to being on complete pelvic rest for the majority of it, and with that came many stretch marks. While I did have some stretch marks from puberty and my previous pregnancy, I was able to get past it. Now I look in the mirror and I am completely disgusted by myself. I cry every time I look in the mirror, shower, and just think about it. I don't want my husband to look at me, touch me, and I'm generally disgusted by his affection. I don't want it to be this way, and I don't want our marriage to suffer but I'm not quite sure what to do about it. He's trying to be supportive, but there is certainly a lot of tension right now.

    I joined an online support group, but have yet to post in it for fear that my problems aren't as bad as the others, and they will tell me to just "get over it." I found a couple of therapists close by, but I just haven't reached out to make an appointment. I just can't bring myself to do it and I don't know why. It is comforting knowing that I'm not alone, but how do I get over the thought that talking to someone will be useless for me?
    Mommy to

    Apollo Allan (12/14')
    Atlas Thomas (5/18')

  3. #20
    Join Date
    Nov 2017
    Location
    Coastal Central CA
    Posts
    141
    @katieree331, I remember feeling like what you described in your last sentence. Please, please reach out, even if it seems uncertain that it will help. Your kids need their mama to be as well cared-for as possible.

    Sending all possible positive thoughts your way,

    Laura
    Mom of James Daniel (14), William Joseph (12), Elise Marie (11), Zachary Allan (4.5), and George Thomas (2.5)
    NAME CRUSH of the day: Rose Audrey

    #6 coming in Feb/March 2019!!!
    Rose Bonny; Sairy; Bridget; Anna; Patricia; Vera Colette; Millie; Mary Kathleen; Linnea "Lindy"; Tabitha; Caroline; Anne; Rosalind; Sally; Virginia “Ginny”; Daphne
    Calvin; Franklin “Frank the Tank”; Theodore Niels; Henry; Quincy?
    TWINS TODAY: Rose Audrey & Tabitha Jane

  4. #22
    Join Date
    Nov 2017
    Posts
    1,118
    I have never experienced pregnancy (though I do struggle with severe depression & worse OCD lol) so obviously I cannot relate to what y'all are going through, I just wanted to say I think you are all amazing & deserve so much love! I'm sending all my good thoughts! Your struggles are completely valid and you are all amazing mothers & people.
    Last edited by auroracallista; June 14th, 2018 at 01:37 AM.
    unusual flower names ~
    astilbe, belladonna, clarkia, darmera, easterlily, freesia, gloxinia, heliotrope, ixora, jamesia, kahili, lunaria, moonflower, nemesia, oleaster, phlox, quince, ruellia, syringa, tritonia, ursinia, vestia, wisteria, xyris, yulan, zenobia

  5. #24
    Join Date
    Aug 2015
    Location
    USA
    Posts
    139
    Your pain and difficulties are just as worthy of a listening ear as anyone else's! And I understand the fear that talking will not be helpful but I encourage you to take that risk. Even if no one could say anything to make you feel better, having an outlet to express the struggles you are going through will be beneficial to you. I would be very surprised to find out that anyone would tell you to get over it, that is likely your own voice minimizing the pain you feel. One thing that is particularly difficult is not only to feel terrible about oneself and one's body but to feel that those negative thoughts should be dismissed or are shameful. You are normal. You deserve to no longer feel this way, but this is out of your control and you should not feel bad for going through a tough time.

    I have not experienced PPD but have researched it in depth prior to becoming pregnant because I am considered high risk for it due to mental health issues. I just wanted to echo what @mill1020 said, please reach out to both the support group and a therapist. I went through a very dark time, where I postponed reaching out to a psychiatrist and I regret it now. Postpartum depression exists in many different variations and scales of intensities. Do not worry about whether or not your specifics fit within a definition. It sounds like you are having a hard time, and the most important thing you can do for yourself, your relationship and your family is to keep reaching out in the way you bravely did here. I encourage you to schedule that appointment but also to keep telling us how you feel.

    Sending you as much light as can go through this website, I hope that everything becomes easier for you. I believe it will.
    excitedly e x p e c t i n g
    January 2019


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