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February 25th, 2014 12:49 AM #6Senior Member
- Join Date
- Jul 2013
I know a family who adopted from Romania, two children in early childhood & infancy - and they both are extremely defiant and attention seeking and have severe behavioral issues. Even now as adults they have issues with social norms and cognitive social understanding, even though they were brought up in a loving supportive household.
I know another family that adopted a set of 4 siblings locally. The children ranged from infancy to about 8 years old and had been through all sorts of trauma including physical and sexual abuse. They are grown now and I really believe if they had gone into the foster care system they would be extremely dysfunctional adults. As it is, they were able to stay together, adopted into a loving family that did their best to encourage their self esteem and expression - and they all turned into happy, artistic, productive young adults. There are so many children locally that need someone to love & care for them.
If I were to adopt (we are consdering it for when our biological kids are older) I would definitely go local.New username is @ truenature
February 25th, 2014 08:30 AM #8
I would love to adopt. There are lots of children in the UK in care waiting for adoption so I would most likely adopt domestically, preferably adopting a sibset. That said, I left part of my heart in Uganda and if I was offered to adopt from there, I would!Name lover & Married to a wonderful man
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February 25th, 2014 09:29 AM #10
My family has experience in both types of adoption, so maybe I can add some perspective.
One member of my family is passionate about international adoption. She has at this point pursued 3 separate adoptions (and spent the money that accordingly go with them) that have all failed. The children of course weren't newborn or even very young, which may have been a factor. Two of them changed their mind (one of them even after she had come to America) and one was denied because my family member had health issues at the time, and the country had very strict rules about adopting out (and subsequently now I believe they do not adopt to USA now, anyway). All three of these children had many behavioral and/or health problems, which is something that is very real and you would have to prepare yourself with an international adoption. From my observation, it is a very arduous and costly process that may not always end in a happily ever after.
On the other hand, there is domestic. A different family member of mine was unable to have her own biological children, so she turned to domestic adoption for a newborn. After being matched, waiting patiently for baby to be born, then spending a handful of days with the baby after it's birth (even breastfeeding it!) the birth mother changed her mind and took that baby back. As you can likely imagine, this was NOT a good and happy time in our family. I am happy to say, though, that she was eventually matched again and now is very happy with a now eight (I believe) month old baby.
So basically, there are risks (and rewards) either way you go. I personally don't know which I would choose, but I definitely advise you to really reflect and be ready for things to go wrong. I truly hope that it will be an easy and fairly seamless process for you, but as "they" always say, "hope for the best, prepare for the worst"! Good luck!Stellan / August / Maddox / Everett / Hollis / Rowan
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February 25th, 2014 09:43 AM #12
Thanks ladies. It's a lot to think about I don't think a lot of people realize just how much goes into an adoption period. I can honestly say I have been trying to inform myself on the matter since I was in high school that's how determined I was to adopt no matter what. I can't have any biological children of my own and surrogacy is another option, but I just have so much love in my heart and I have always been extremely passionate about adoption. It's not that I wouldn't take a child with special needs in fact I would be more than open to the idea again it just comes to do I want a baby or am I ok with taking on an older child. I know there will be a lot of really painful waiting there will be a lot of not knowing there may even be the chance of someone changing their mind. At this point after reading everything I think domestic may be our better option, but there is always that open window there. My friends don't really understand what I go through daily. They always talk about having babies and some of them even have had them and I feel that most of the time they forget that I can't have them and I have to use alternatives. It's just nice to be able to talk about this stuff with people who have experienced it.
February 25th, 2014 09:46 AM #14
Yes, there are some countries (specifically several in Africa) that pretty much sell their children but many, many countries and agencies are ethical when it comes to adoption.
Originally Posted by ashthedreamer
My two cents:
Whether someone adopts domestically or internationally is just a matter of calling. I've always known that I was called to adopt internationally. There is no right or wrong choice in where you decide. Choose what's best for you.
Yes, many children adopted internationally have behavioral and health problems but many of those things can be worked out. Many children adopted from the foster care system have the same behavioral problems. This isn't an issue that's specific to international adoption. It has to do with a child suffering loss after loss. Loss of their biological parents, loss of their primary caregivers (typically foster parents), loss of their siblings (in some cases), etc.
Also, if you want to adopt an infant in the US, in many cases, it costs more than it does to adopt an older child internationally. Also, when you're ready to start the adoption process for real and go to have a home study, your case worker will be of great value to you if you still haven't decided whether you want to adopt domestically or internationally and if internationally, which country.
In many countries, you have to be at least 25 to adopt and in China, it's 30. China also has a 60+ month wait list for a healthy baby right now (but they also have many children with medical needs anywhere from mild to severe that are already waiting). Pretty much every other country out there has a wait list for a healthy child, especially an infant/younger child. It will be up to you if you want to handle medical needs (again, some aren't severe and some are) and get a child quicker or if you want to wait for a "healthy" child. Please keep in mind though that any "healthy" child you adopt won't always be healthy, especially when it comes to behavioral issues. Also, even if you adopt a newborn from somewhere in the US, there is no guarantee that the child will be healthy. The child could very well be suffering alcohol or drug withdrawal, they could have FAS, they could have a whole host of currently-unknown medical issues when they're older (ADHD, autism, etc.).♥ My Loves ♥
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