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  1. #6
    Join Date
    Oct 2013
    You could specify to your social worker about the race you want your child to be and you would never have to foster a child you didn't want. Although I don't really understand your viewpoint, I hope it goes well for you if you adopt in the future :-)

  2. #8
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    As a mother who did adopt transracially, I can't say that I understand your reasoning here, but you can definitely specify the type of child you will accept in an adoption or foster placement. However, the foster agency is very likely to call you with children who are outside of your acceptable range- younger, older, different races, etc. They are just often hard up for foster homes for kids. I have a friend who is no longer fostering who still regularly gets calls asking her to take emergency placements.

    More older children than babies/toddlers are in need of adoption placements through the state as well, so you might have some luck there b.c the age range you specified is older. Only a tiny fraction of children available for adoption are posted online. The courts don't like to declare children legally free for adoption before someone is lined up to adopt them, this is why many available children are not online.

    You can try going through an agency for this, if you want to be specific. Many adoption agencies have divisions that specifically deal with this. Their services are often free or very low cost. It sounds like you are more interested in ultimately adopting than in fostering multiple children, so you might want to contact an agency to help you find legally free children or children who will likely soon be legally free.

  3. #10
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    First of all I wanted to say how sorry I am that you have found out that you can't have children. That has to be so hard. I won't say I understand how you feel because that would be untrue but I have a couple close friends who have gone through infertility and I know it was heartbreaking for them. One thing that you might want to look into, as it sounds as though you are a few years away from trying to build your family, is fertility treatment. I don't say this in anyway to discourage your wish to adopt if that is what you want to do but because a lot of people aren't aware of how many options there are for fertility tx. Especially for financing such treatment. One of my friends was looking into egg donors and surrogates and realized that most American fertility clinics will let you finance the whole thing. So while $30,000(egg donor) and $100,000 (surrogate and egg donor) may seem like a lot, when it is paid for in monthly installments over a number of years it is much more manageable, in many cases not unlike a car payment. Many clinics also have refund guarantees so you only pay the full price if it results in a live birth. Just food for thought when you are researching your options.

    Secondly, I just wanted to support you in you choice of wanting to adopt a white child because so many people have been unbelievably rude in disrespecting this preference. I actually have the same preferences as you do, I would want a child the same color as I am and the only one that I might be able to see myself with who is not white would be an Asian little girl. This is not racism, it is choosing a child you can see yourself parenting. Just like people would have certain medical or emotional difficulties they could see themselves managing and others they couldn't, it is trying to match yourself with a child that you could see yourself bonding with and caring for. When entering into such an important thing like adoption knowing what you can and can not manage and what child you could and could not envision yourself with should be encouraged not discouraged. The most horrible thing would be if you found yourself unable to bond with the child. Do not let the politically correct police push you into a child you aren't comfortable with.

    I am Canadian so our foster care system is probably a bit different than yours but from my understanding you are absolutely allowed to say what type of child you could foster or adopt and which ones you couldn't. This includes age, race, gender and medical or emotional difficulties. Social workers want placements to be successful, it is horrible for the child when they aren't, so they would absolutely let you decide the parameters of a child that could be a part of your family. My best wishes to you during this difficult time.
    Andie - John, Thomas, Isla, Freya, Marigold and expecting #6 in June

  4. #12
    Join Date
    Oct 2013
    I think your question has been answered but I'd like to apologise if I came across as unbelievably rude or disrespectful- that really wasn't my intention. Good luck.

  5. #14
    Join Date
    Jul 2012
    Quote Originally Posted by ajh View Post
    Do not let the politically correct police push you into a child you aren't comfortable with.
    I don't think it's a matter of anyone being the PC police. I didn't get that impression from any of the responses in this thread.

    Roughly 60% of children in the American foster care system are not white. Black, Latino, and mixed race children (especially the boys) are hard to place because, quite frankly, very few people want them. It's extremely sad, and I think that's why previous posters mentioned it. Young, healthy white children are very hard to "get" because that's the type of child most adoptive parents want. It doesn't have anything to do with being PC. It's just fact.

    Since you're interested in the 5-7 age range, I would highly recommend doing research on reactive attachment disorder.
    Last edited by southern.maple; November 5th, 2013 at 11:46 PM.

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