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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jan 2013

    Am I crazy or was this offensive?

    My grandma recently passed away and her funeral is tomorrow. I flew from Europe with DS (solo, mind you) to attend the funeral on the West Coast of the US. I was just informed by my aunt (my grandma's daughter) that my DS was not welcome at the funeral.
    My DS is 16 months and well, acts like he is 16 months. I was fully prepared to spend the majority of the funeral in the lobby as to not disturb the other funeral goers. I was asked to do a reading at the service and had made arrangements for my brother to care for DS while I was attending to my responsibilities in the service. Anyway, I am pretty offended that my aunt has decided that my son is not allowed to attend the service since he may or may not, heaven forbid, make a peep during the funeral. To add insult to injury, my aunt decided to inform me of this banishment less than 12 hours before the service making it damn near impossible to find a babysitter.
    Am I crazy or is this offensive? I have seen my aunt frequently this week and she has not said anything about DS or not having him attend the funeral. I don't understand why she wouldn't say something sooner about DS not attending. It never crossed my mind that DS would not be welcome given that I was extremely close to my grandma and DS is her great-grandchild after all. Maybe my aunt is just stressed about the service and her grief of my grandma's death is manifesting itself in a malicious manner? I don't know what to do. I can't find a babysitter (I tried), and I have no choice but to bring DS to the service, but I can't help feeling this was a little below the belt. Advice would be greatly appreciated. Has anyone else experienced a situation were their child was not welcome?
    D.S. lil Bam Bam

  2. #3
    Join Date
    Jul 2012
    London, England
    I don't think anyone really has a right to decide who can come to a funeral, especially not when it's a child who hasn't harmed anyone. Yes, babies make noise, but that shouldn't stop him from attending. My sister brought her son to our grandfather's funeral, and I know several others who've done the same with their children, and if they've been to loud, they've simply taken them outside. Do you have a mother or a father who can reason with her? I also have to say that at all the funerals I've been to the babies and little children have kind of been a relief from all the sadness and pain, to see that joyous little new life in contrast to the life that's passed is incredibly strong.
    If I were you I would tell your aunt respectfully that you're going to bring your son. I would bring some books and some other "quiet" toys though, to keep him occupied, and some clean and "quiet" snacks as well . And sit at the end of a row, not in the middle, so it's easy to get out.

    Good luck!
    My darling Marian Illyria Aphrodite, March 2013 & Little Bunny (a girl!) due 9th of February 2014

  3. #5
    Join Date
    May 2012
    east of the sun, west of the moon
    Quote Originally Posted by ottilie View Post
    I also have to say that at all the funerals I've been to the babies and little children have kind of been a relief from all the sadness and pain, to see that joyous little new life in contrast to the life that's passed is incredibly strong.
    Absolutely. It's the circle of life, and it makes death a little easier to deal with when there's a little one about, reminding us that it is a circle, not a one way street. Your aunt is probably having a hard time of it, but grief is shared. Nobody has a monopoly over it, and if it were that important to her that the baby not be there, she should have given you ample time to find a sitter.

    Sorry for your loss. Grandparents are a hard one to lose. When they die, our parents take their place as the oldest generation, adding a strange little layer of grief to the process.
    Cordelia Eilonwy Snow | Evadne Snow | Felicity Astra Wildrose | Gwenna Moon | Lorelei Ondine | Octavia Eowyn Sol
    Pandora Willow Isolde | Petra Leocadia Silver | Sunniva Adar Rhiannon | Thisbe Wildrose

    Caspian Wilder | Damian Sparrow | Evander Thorn | Everett Lyle Ward
    Ezra Balthasar | Gwydion Alaric Hart | Konrad Peregrine Llyr | Malachi Tristan Bjorn | Phineas Robin Blaise | Theodore Winter

  4. #7
    Join Date
    Jul 2013
    I'm sorry for your loss. I think she was way over line, but it sounds like you're handling things very gracefully. I think you should bring him, it isn't like he's a colicky newborn and you made a substantial effort to be there.
    Mommy to one Snug.

  5. #9
    Join Date
    Dec 2012
    Adelaide Australia
    Oh dear, I'm sorry a sad occasion was made worse and yes, it was an unreasonable request. However people are upset and irrational at times like this so forgive her, don't say anything, bring the baby as planned and I bet she won't notice. If he make's a noise take him out, it will be fine. It's not a wedding, you aren't 'invited' as such so there isn't a 'host' who can say who does and doesn't come. Take care of yourself and I'm sorry for your loss.
    Thrilled to be mother to @gnes Ei1ish Madeline and Fe1icity Bridget Be@trice

    If we'd had boys the list was: Godfrey, Seamus, Alexander, Michael, Felix, Peter, Ignatius & Sebastian.

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