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Thread: Surname Dilemma

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jun 2013

    Surname Dilemma

    Hello All,

    I've been lurking about Nameberry for a while and have come to appreciate the candid opinions and advice that result from these forums. I have a naming dilemma that I'm hoping to get a little feedback on, and thought this would be the perfect time to join in.

    I'm in the process of having a child that will be biologically mine and my late husbands (the details are complicated). We started the journey to have a child together and I've decided to continue on my own. The dilemma I'm seeking feedback on is what surname to use.

    I didn't change my name when we married, but was planning to give any children his (we actually hadn't really talked much about it). The child will grow up with me and my family and I'm concerned that having an entirely different name will be awkward and isolating (although his family will be involved, they live in Europe and we are in the US). So, the questions is; do I give the baby my late husband's surname or do I hyphenate to include mine as well?

    Any thoughts that might help me sort out this complicated situation are much appreciated!

  2. #3
    Join Date
    Jul 2012
    I would hyphenate the surname. If I were your child, I know that I would appreciate that link to my father. Not including his surname at all would feel weird to me, like I was trying to forget about him or something. I think that your late husband's family will appreciate the link as well, especially since they're overseas.

  3. #5
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    I agree with southern maple. I think the link to both sides of the family will be important in this case.

  4. #7
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    I would hyphenate. Speaking as someone who works in schools day to day, I do think it's possible for you to have a different surname from your child (it is much more common, and most schools are understanding). However, I would want to go the simplest route since you already have a complicated background.
    "Don't try to be modern, it's the most old-fashioned thing there is," - Attilio, The Tiger and the Snow

    Domenico, Gianfranco, Giacomo, Antonio, Raphael, Calogero, Leopold, Angelo, Giorgio, Alban, Malachi, Dante, Mirek, Dario, Lionel, Asa, Valerio
    Katarina, Irena, Silvia, Aniela, Delfina, Raffaella, Apollonia, Cecilia, Pasqualina, Rosina, Josephine, Allegra, Romana, Alba, Bronya, Adrasteia, Vincenza, Althea, Eurydice, Regina, Mirellina, Arianell, Sonia, Talia, Cordelia, Leona/Leonie

  5. #9
    Id use his surname as a second middle name- I had a friend who recently had a baby and used both surnames but instead of hyphenating they used one as a second middle name and i always thought that was a clever way of dealing with two surnames.

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