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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Sep 2012
    New Hampshire

    Using family names for some and not others

    Would you do it?

    My brain is arguing with itself that if I were to give SOME children family names, I should go ahead and give them ALL family names (at least in the middle spot). Issue is my list of family names I like is very VERY limited, which makes it difficult to find more than one or two names for each gender that I actually enjoy.

    So, would you give your first children family names and not later children? Or would you attempt to find a family name that you could live with?

  2. #3
    Join Date
    May 2012
    My youngest sister and I each have family names in the middle, but our other sisters do not. Truthfully, none of us cared. We never gave it a second thought. There was no jealousy on either part. Middle names are rarely used anyway, so nobody outside the family has ever commented on it either. I'm a huge fan of naming each child as an individual rather than as part of a group...meaning that if you like a family name as part of a combo for one child, use it, and if you don't have a family name that you like for your next child, don't force yourself to find one. Use names that you love for each child. It will probably be more important to your children that they have names that you love rather than family names. That said, I DO have this idea in my head that if I honor one parent in a name, I have to honor ALL the parents in subsequent names so that none of the parents feel left out. I think honoring a living relative is different than using a family name of a deceased ancestor in that you have to take THEIR feelings into consideration, not just your children's feelings. Does that make sense?
    Last edited by alzora; May 21st, 2013 at 02:41 PM.

  3. #5
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    I had a similar issue with naming my kids. I always knew I wanted my first born son's middle name to be Michael, after a cousin of mine who died when I was a teen. Then when I got pregnant for my second child, I realized that I don't actually like a lot of our family names. After a while we decided that it was okay that our oldest son had a family name because it had been to honour someone special and we would just not give family names to any other children. As it turned out, my second son's first name is DH's grandmother's maiden name (oops). Now that I am pregnant with my third, I struggled again to decide if we should choose a family name. We decided not to, because it was more important that we like the name than that it honour someone random just for the sake of having a family name (I dug fairly far back into my family tree before I came across any names that I thought would be somewhat usable).

    I think it's okay for some children to have a family name if it's a family member that is very important to you, but that others just have names that you truly love and want to use.

  4. #7
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    I don't think it's a big deal to use them with some children but not all of them. I did it this way. My oldest two daughters have family names. My oldest daughter has the same middle name as me and my second daughter is named after her grandmother and great-grandmother. My other two daughters have no family names, but I have special stories that I can share if they ever want to know more about why I chose their particular names.

  5. #9
    Join Date
    Nov 2017
    Copenhagen, Denmark
    I have no personal experience with this whatsoever (because my mum decided to be totally uncreative and give my sister and I the same middle name), but I'm feeling quite ambivalent about this too. Normally I would say that it's not that big a deal, but on the other hand, if my sister had been the only one named after our great-grandmother and I was named after no one, I don't know if I'd be particularly pleased. Also, in addition to my middle name, I have a family surname as a second middle (that I never use so it's absolutely pointless but whatever, it's the thought that counts) and my sister don't, and I don't know how she'll will feel about not having that family surname in her name when she gets older. On the other hand, if you only have a few gems in your family tree, I don't think you should feel forced to use a name you don't like JUST to give all of your kids family names. I think that a name that has a lot of meaning to you (and/or your partner), can mean just as much as a family name.
    Zelia • 20s • Exporting names from Greenland & Inuit mythology
    Alexander Adelin Lórien "Sasha" • Henry Ásgeirr Ivik • Asa Bjørnstjerne Jem • Nor Valdemar Olórin • Marcel Endymion Sejr • Julian Saxo Dante

    Vilde Ivalo Zenobia • Asta Cosima Gro • Léa Ingrid Cleopatra • Aviaaja Lúthien Cléo "Avi" • Vicky Noor Galadriel • Gro Anouk Regitze

    And currently loving: Edison, Pemba, Sander, Ville, Johanna, Juliane, Liv, Madicken, Nanna, Saga

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