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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Oct 2009

    Picking a surname

    Hi Berries,

    I honestly don't know if my husband and I will be lucky enough to have a baby at this point, but I spend an inordinate amount of time fretting over little things in case we do. We've had two adoptions fall through, and four unsuccessful rounds of IVF, but what if, right?

    Anyway, we're now looking into adopting an older child, and the dilemma I have would apply equally to whether I got to be the mother of a newborn or an older child. I certainly won't be changing the first or middle names of any child that isn't a newborn, but the surname issue comes up quite often. Here's the thing: both hub and I have hyphenated surnames - please take a moment to recover from the horror, those of you who hate double-barrelled names.

    I didn't take his name when I married, and we each have our father's name + our mother's maiden name. I LOVE my name (all five of them - two middle names) and so does he. We've always planned to each give one name to our child. He switched back and forth for ages re which name he'd pick, but has settled on his father's name because his two sisters each gave their mother's name to their children, and he wants to honour his dad. I always thought I'd give my father's name. Then I was pretty sure I'd give my mother's name. I adore both my parents, and neither of them give a toss which name I pass on. I'm the only lunatic who is hung up on this choice. Would it be completely shallow and superficial to just pick the name that flows best with whatever first name the child has??? I was lucky enough to name my goddaughter, and I agonised over the decision for months. I love words, I love names, I want to infuse my child's name with meaning, and maybe his/her surname will be the only one I get to pick. Shouldn't it come down to more than "Oh his first name is six syllables long, better give him my shortest name" or "His/her name would sound beautiful with Mum's Spanish surname."

    Somebody please give me an e-sedative, and tell me what to do! I know this child is at this point completely fictional, but it's keeping me up at night!

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