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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    La La Land

    Depression and baby fever

    Okay, so some background: I'm 21 years old and in school (will be in school for quite awhile). I am single.

    Every time I hear about someone else my age range getting pregnant/having a baby, I get depressed. I feel like I'm never going to have a baby, and life is passing me by. I will be in undergrad for six years (please don't judge) and I plan on going to grad school. But I sort of don't even want to go, b/c motherhood is important and I don't want to be in my thirties just starting ttc.

    I've always suffered from depression but the fact that everyone else seems to be pregnant and/or married and using names that I adore just upsets me sometimes.

    I don't want to drop out to have a baby, but I also don't feel as though I will ever find a decent father for my kid (I'm planning on using a sperm bank) or ever finish school. I don't have any close friends who would let me watch their baby or anything, so I don't really have much of an "outlet." I just feel like my time will never come.

    Does anyone else feel this way? I'm not getting any younger and I will be at least 26-27 when I'm finished with a Master's, and I feel that is just never going to come.
    Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, it became a butterfly.

    Girls: Cordelia, Persephone, Isadora

    Boys: Atlas, Leopold, Osiris

    The caterpillar still waits....

  2. #3
    Join Date
    Jul 2012
    Honey, you are so young. I know exactly how you feel though. When I was an ER tech and a pre-med student several years ago, everytime a co-worker would get pregnant, I'd get so jealous. I was jealous that they were going through pregnancy, which seemed like such a blessing and a miracle. I was jealous that they'd get to be a mom. I was jealous of their relationship with their husband. I always wanted kids and a big family but also wanted to go to med school and felt as if I could not do both. But I did. There is hope.

    I did not have my first daughter until I was 31 and at the end of my residency. I had my twins this September, and I am 33. I plan on having 1 or two more. I'm not old, and I don't feel old. I'm glad I waited now. I was able to experience so much in my life that I would not have been able to experience if I had to financially support children. I went away to med school in another state. I met my husband and we spent years traveling and hiking together. We made a lot of friends inside and outside of our marriage and saved up money for a fairly large house. We saved up to be able to support our future kids. When the time came, we had our children, and I am so glad I waited. The fact that I was not only financially but also emotionally ready to support my children is an amazing blessing.

    Your time for motherhood will come, and it is closer than you think. You are so young and are yet to meet your prince charming. At age 21 you are not emotionally and probably not financially ready to support your children. I assume you are going to school because you are chasing a career that you want to pursue. Keep this as your short term goal, and children as your long term. You don't have to settle for a sperm donor! You are jumping the gun. You WILL find your prince charming. You will have children of your own. Just wait it out. You are so young, you don't even realize it.

  3. #5
    Join Date
    Jul 2012
    You are very young, like a pp said. You have tons of time to think about having children. I know about the school situation because I had my DS when I was 23 and in college. I decided to stop going for the time being since I wanted to be a stay at home mom for my son. Maybe I will go back when he is older, but right now I like what I am doing. Some may not agree with that but that is what I liked.

    You are 21. You may meet the person you want to be with and have children with next year. You never know what the future will bring. Plus, it isn't the worst thing to have children and go to school. It is stressful, but women have done it before and they will keep doing it. Don't put too much pressure on yourself right now to have a baby. Just be patient, your time will come.

  4. #7
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Melbourne, Australia

    I agree with the previous poster. I am 25 and have had similar feelings.
    I was very lucky to meet my husband so young and have been married for 4 years. But seeing friends having babies has made me jealous. The reasons for us waiting are that my husband is very level headed and wants to wait until we are in a better position financially and we have had our share of freedom with out children. After 5 years of marriage we should be ready - so I now have something to look forward to in the near future.

    I am very guilty of this but lurking around baby name sites really just makes things worse! I have been doing this for a couple of years. Maybe if you gave yourself a break from it and threw yourself into some other hobby you could give yourself a break emotionally.

    Whenever I feel a bit low - I focus on the now. What positive things there are in your life at the moment. What do you have to be grateful for? Health, family, friends. That band that you love or that great feeling after going for a walk.

    You are young and have your life ahead of you to have a great job, travel, meet Mr. Right and enjoy yourself.

    Seeing a psychologist may help also. I went to one last year and she helped me see that my dreams were not as far off as they seemed. All the best love!
    Please vote on my names list

    Current favs:
    Mary Wildflower, Fae, Edith (Edie), Ida, Beatrix, Jean, Winifred (Winnie), Phaedra, Thisbe, Sylvie, Cordelia, Magnolia, Catherine, Mimosa

    Arto, Lawson, William, Rupert, Albert, Makepeace, Wetherell

    Rabbits Eleanore Saffron Nightingale & Gethin Abraham Jubilee(Bob/Bobby), Lizard Ute (German Ooteh), Guinea pigs Marmaduke Hubbard & Algernon (LG)

  5. #9
    Join Date
    Jul 2012
    I agree. You are still so young. My first was born when I was 23 and while we love him, having him young (I was fresh out of college when I got pregnant) was for certain difficult on many levels. I think its normal to have the "grass is alwats greener" mentality. I recently spent time with my sisters sister in law who is 24 and she was lamenting to us how she wishes she was married with kids erc. Both my sister and I admitted that we wished to live her life for a day. Sleeping until 10am, slowly getting out of bed and going to a fun job being able to spend the money on extras after bills and have weekends off, truly off! I love my place in life now, but there are days when I think of sleep, precious sleep, and making a yoga class that does not involve my 3 year old if you kwim.

    Dont force it, enjoy your place now and livein the now. I wilo admit to spending my younger years not doing this and waiting for the next step and wondering when it will happen. Use this time to prepare yourself to be your future self whatever that may be. I do not regret my 20's and thankfully my husband and I have grown up together instead of growing in different directions and he has been able to pursue career goals normally reserved to the "before kids" catagory for many BS two months before Seb was born, masters in education in 2008 and is currently in the process of taking classes for his
    mba...yes, people joke we "do things the hard way". And in a way, they are right, the school thing is do-able but *much harder* with kids in tow.
    Married to my love since August 2001
    My lovely bunch of coconuts;
    Sebastian Elihu (7/02)
    Bronwen Eliza (2/04)
    Linus Ezra Graham (9/06)
    Violet Leona (1/09) and
    Wolfgang Levi (3/13)
    Always missing our Felix Emmanuel (10/10-10/10)

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