I honestly didn't think I preferred a girl when I got pregnant. I was good either way. It wasn't until the ultrasound when I found out it was a boy that I really got upset. I'm not even for certain why. I don't despise sports or anything (though I do despise the overabundance of sports decor and clothing in the boy's sections). Maybe it's fear of the unknown or maybe it's because I've had a very problematic pregnancy (diagnosed with a serious condition in April). Maybe it's just the stress of the health issues and this is just the easiest thing to be upset about? I don't really know. All I do know is that I'm not into it. But I have to make myself be somehow to get things accomplished.
Shame on the shamers. Gender disappointment seems to be horribly misunderstood, and I can't believe my eyes whenever people chide parents who are going through it. Of COURSE the healthy babe is the most important thing, but there is often no way to anticipate or prepare for something like gender disappointment.
That said, I do agree with Ottilie that you may well be digging yourself into a hole (good way of putting it!). There are wonderful things about boys, and you are very lucky to have two lovely girls already - won't it be fun to mix things up a bit? Even though you're struggling now, you WILL adore him once he's here, and five years from now you'll be able to look back and chuckle at yourself for wishing he'd been a girl. As far as decorating and naming goes, no everything doesn't have to be cars and footballs and Jack and Butch. I personally like animals for both boys and girls, not ducks and pigs but more along the lines of woodland creatures or safari animals. I also love a sky/stars theme, planets and such. You may be frozen looking at decor items just wishing for Pink, and not allowing yourself to see some of the really FUN gender neutral stuff! I mean, just check out these cute cute cute animal bedding designs:
And these cute little boy and gender-neutral onesies:
If you search Pinterest for "boy nursery" and "baby boy onesie," you'll actually see very very little on the themes or sports and cars, and tons of CUTE stuff.
I tend to agree that the wealth of feminine names out there is more compelling, but that doesn't mean that there aren't some absolute gems to choose from for boys. Your girls are a bit vintage, slightly unusual but accessible and familiar. I'm not good at brainstorming, so I just always turn to Nymbler, which gave me:
and many more...
The best favor you can do yourself is to stop indulging your depression, and that's ALWAYS true whether it's over gender disappointment, career frustration, an ended relationship... the more you argue against those trying to help you turn the corner, the more you cement yourself in your little depression hole. Nothing will change the fact that this child is a boy, and how sad would it be to look back on your pregnancy and remember how much time you wasted being bummed out about your child instead of celebrating and being excited for his arrival? What do you want your answer to be if he asks you someday if you were excited when you found out he would be a boy?
I would suggest looking at things like disney beddings and different characters from disney that you like! I think that Babies R Us has a monsters inc bedding set out now, I'm not positive if it's from Babies R Us or not, so don't hold me against that. Think about all of the cool things you can do with a little boy. There's so many movies about cars and trucks and monster trucks. Maybe you'll be able to take him to a monster truck show, maybe he will be the "man" and kill the spiders and bugs in your house when you and your daughters are afraid of them! Bike rides, sports, there's lots of fun things to do with little boys.
Good luck, this will pass and just know you are not the only one!
I realize it will past, truly I do. I'm just afraid that when it does, I'll have nothing ready for him, not a name, not a nursery. Apparently, almost all gender disappointment passes when the baby is born, so I feel pretty good about it passing then.
Like I said, the best way to get out of the funk is to stop indulging it. Start today. React to the suggestions here, at the very least, because I'm betting that you're reading names and looking at links and thinking "they just don't understand how I feel!" ;)
Originally Posted by wahpro
Allowing yourself to actually respond to others' suggestions would be a good first step, because you'll be looking at them in a realistic way rather than just dismissing them.
I'm not trying to dismiss anything, I just don't want to be rude and say "That's really not my style" when people are being so helpful. I've looked at every name and every link suggested, but nothing is really jumping out to me. There's nothing wrong with any of it, of course. I don't hate all things boy, I just haven't found what appeals to me.
Originally Posted by yellow
I'm sure plenty of people understand how I feel. I don't think other people don't "get it". We've all had times when we didn't get what we wanted.
I'm trying to look up some of the suggestions on Pinterest now to see if I can find some things that appeal to me. Some of the plain Gap things suggested are okay. I can always just do plain solid colored onesies since he'll be born in the summer. I'm not a fan of cartoon characters at all, not just a boy thing, but on girls things as well. Just not my cup of tea.
I think you just need to surrender to this beautiful journey and wait to meet your baby. You might be completely and utterly surprised, swept off your feet. One day you might look back on all this and laugh.
NOTHING has to have a football on it. Choose simple, natural, earthy decor. Little woodland creatures etc. Remember... you will be cuddling a sweet little newborn, not a grown man. All things soft, sweet and delicate are suitable for all babies of both genders.
I have a feeling you'll surprise yourself. And I think your son will surprise you too.
Some softer boys name suggestions:
Before I address the issue, let me say that I saw your signature in another post and was blown away by the beautiful sib set of Gretchen and Cordelia. Truly gorgeous!
Now, on to the issue at hand. Before I had kids, I never saw myself as someone with a boy. My first child is a little boy, and it has been so much fun! There is a special bond between and mother and son. No, it isn't tea parties and barbies, but in my case, it hasn't been all about sports either. For my son, it has been all about reading, super heroes, card games, building forts, story telling, outside play etc. Probably some of the same activities you do with your daughters. I would encourage you to embrace this new exciting chapter. No the names aren't as frilly and flowery, but there is charm in their masculinity. Try imagining great characters from movies and books. I want you to be excited about finding the perfect little name to match the spectacular names you have for your daughters. Your heart is going to be so full of love and excitement when you see that sweet little face. Good luck and please keep us posted on the great names you choose! Here are some that came to mind
Graham (maybe too close to Gretchen)
I have a son and personally HATE the massive difference in decor, clothing and MESSAGES that the aforementioned send to little boys and little girls. I don't like infantile things in general so would never pick pastels and little wooly lambs, etc, for either sex, but some of the boy stuff was just absurd. I mean cartoonishly, stereotypically macho for tiny sweet pink babies. I remember seeing infants' clothing with horrible things like skulls, poisons, motorcycle gang paraphernalia, messages like "tough guy" or "little hell-raiser" printed onto onesies at big-box stores. The girls' clothing (which is always 2/3 of the shop, despite the fact that half of children are boys!) was much more multi-dimensional. The same was true for decor-- boring navy blue footballs, trains, cars, and the like.
When you branch out and leave the big-box stores, things become much more appealing. I have been buying a lot of things from Janie & Jack and a company called MudPies, which make the sweestest cutest ooh-and-ah little overalls, bowties, suspenders, seersucker shorts and the like. The kinds of clothes where we're stopped on the street and strangers exclaim over how cutely he's dressed. As long as you look for boys' clothes that look like BABY clothes rather than mini-adolescent wear, the spectrum of adorable is quite blinding.
Re: decor: Antoine's bed linens are technically part of Serena & Lily's girls' line, but I just liked them best. [This is it: the first one. http://www.childmode.com/2010/02/26/...new-crib-sets/] I also got some handmade ikat sheets and changing pads which compliment things nicely and aren't too infantile or cartoonish. [http://www.babyauthority.com/brands/...nt-fabric.html]
In short-- I too suspect this fear will pass once you're cuddling your son in your arms. Perhaps too you're projecting broader cultural notions of *adult* male behavior onto a small male baby. I assure you nothing is farther from the truth. Baby boys are sweet, smiley, generous, cuddlesome, dole out sloppy kisses and run to their moms posthaste when they want soothing or reassurance. There is no difference that I can appreciate thus far between a little boy and a little girl. I'm sure things change as they age, but honestly, nobody does sullen, hostile and uncommunicative as well as a 12-yo girl. At least adolescent males keep decent relationships with their mothers.
Oh, my son loves to dance. Once he's two I'm enrolling him in an all-boy ballet class ("creative movement" at first, then proper ballet). I hate sports and would be really disappointed if any child of mine, male or female, made me sit through endless T-ball games or bumbling soccer matches. There really is very little you're imagining you'd like to do with yet another daughter that you can't do with a son.
In the meantime, while you're adjusting-- why not ask your husband to take the reigns on naming? Is he excited about having a son?
My cousin has three boys, all she wanted was a little girl. Every time she announced she was having a boy, I knew she was a little disappointed. But once her boys were born she was definitely "into" it. And all of her boys have really distinct personalities. The oldest is sensitive and caring, the middle is rough-and-tumble and and wild, and the youngest and the strong silent type. They all love superheros and Legos, but they also have dolls and stuffed animals, and are very into their mother's fairy collection. I know we're all starting to sound like broken records, but you don't have to raise a "sports and monster trucks" type of boy.
Just some more suggestions for names that you may like, based on your girls beautiful names (I LOVE Gretchen!)