Horrible Names!

My grandfather always used to laugh when he thought of his high school friend, Jeffrey Artz, who went by the name "Jeff." Say the first and last name together, and you've got "Jeff Artz." Say it faster if you can't hear the phrase. :-) Then, there's a distant cousin named Richard Handler, who, um, goes by the name Dick. Seriously. Not. A. Joke.

So, I thought I'd start a thread in honor of Jeff and Dick, dedicated to horrible name combinations/horrible names. Have you come across any other winning combinations (or simply some horrible names in and of themselves), and if so, could you share them?

Ooh, Jill, those are terrible! Those poor men.

Now here's my contribution (it's her firstname and middle name): Sunshine Deathray.

Isn't that amazingly bad? Yes, this person actually exists: she's a little girl--must be 2 or 3. I went to high school with her mother, and many of my friends from high school still keep in touch with her and have actually met little Sunshine. If she had been a boy, they would have named her Han Solo. I don't know which is worse.

Never met these people, only heard of them. They are real, though.

Ima Pigg
Benjamin (nn Ben) Dover
Safety First
Training First
Aid First
Harry Balls
Heavenly Cloud
Sex Addict
Ophelia Butts
Hugo Butts
Littlefield (nn Little?) Dick
Ima Wh***
Harry Pits
Richard (nn Dick?) Banger
Semore Butts
C*** Sucker

If you go to peoplesearch.com, you can look them all up. Sorry, I think I had a little to much fun with this. *Edited so as not to offend some people. I think you still get the picture?

Oh, wow! Thanks for these posts! Sunshine Deathray? Seriously?! Has she begun therapy yet? Unbelievable!

Sex Addict? Holy Mama!

The Butts names above remind me of a Richard Butt, father of someone I once knew. And yes, he went by Dick.

What were these people's parents thinking? AAHHH!!!

-My husbands old boss was Woody Johnson, everyone called him Double Dick!
-My great-great grandfather was named Gaylord, I guess it wasn't so bad back then, though.
-January February March (last name is March), why would you do that???
-Magnolia Thunderpussy! This wasn't the name she was born with, but she got it legally changed to that.
-Twins, Velvet and Velveeta... true story.
-Twins again, Lemonjello and Orangejello.
-This one isn't born yet, but I know someone who wants to name their daughter Anna May. Sounds cute at first, but say it fast.

We know a man whose brother was named Rusty Coffin. Every time my husband thinks of it, he starts laughing! My father had a business advisor who then became our business advisor. His name was Dick Kling. He loved to talk on the phone and would make phone calls all day. So my dad called him Klick Ding. Have I ever told you guys the incredibly funny story of how my dad helped his friends send out birth announcements for their second son?

I knew a kid growing up named Rusty Ford. And the sherriff of my hometown is named Randy Christian, which cracks me up every time I hear it.

susan wrote:We know a man whose brother was named Rusty Coffin. Every time my husband thinks of it, he starts laughing! My father had a business advisor who then became our business advisor. His name was Dick Kling. He loved to talk on the phone and would make phone calls all day. So my dad called him Klick Ding. Have I ever told you guys the incredibly funny story of how my dad helped his friends send out birth announcements for their second son?

Not that I know of. Do tell!

Okay, this is the story about my dad. His friends Henry and Margie Warren already had a daughter and were about to have another baby. They had a lot to do, so they asked my dad who was a printer to be in charge of composing, printing and also mailing the birth announcement to all their friends as soon as the baby was born. The blessed day arrived! They had a little baby boy named Stephen who was a normal height and weight, mind you. So my dad who was always extremely mischievous set out to do his task. Many of Henry and Marjie's friends were either pastors or missionaries, and everyone knows that they often have enormous egos, so instead of putting Stephen --- Warren on the birth announcements that were mailed to all those pastors and missionaries, my dad made custom birth announcements for each pastor and missionary. On each separate birth announcement my dad wrote that the new Warren baby was named after the pastor or missionary that the announcement was mailed to. The Warrens received many tearful phone calls from eternally grateful men who were so honored by their new little namesake!
Also my dad put ridiculous sounding heights and weights on every birth announcement that he mailed to their friends. On some he put that the baby was say, 28 inches long but only weighed six pounds. On others he put that the baby was 17 inches long and weighed twelve pounds. The Warrens received many concerned phone calls about the health of their new little son.
What was really fun was that Henry Warren shared this story at my dad's funeral and everyone was laughing so hard we were practically falling off our chairs. He also shared the tortoise in the desert story, but that isn't about names. It's about a phone number.

Oh that is hilarious! Your dad sounds like my kind of guy! ;) (I love the mischievous ones.) And don't leave us hanging-- give us the tortoise story.