How do you know when to stop looking?

I have tons of boys names that I love, but I am having a hard time coming up with a girls name I adore. There are a few I like, but if I chose one of those I would just be settling on it for the sake of letting go of this seemingly never-ending search. I've looked at every name that's posted in the top 1000 for girls in the past 129 years as well as others. Nothing seems like THE one. My absolute favorite girls name is my own name (I'm posting under a pseudonym), but I'd like to give my daughter her own special name. Also, my name is starting to get popular, and I prefer more rare names.

What to do? Go with a name I like but don't love? Other places to look for names? Is this name fatigue? Name my daughter after myself when I had no intention of doing so?
Thanks for your insights.

deirdre wrote:I have tons of boys names that I love, but I am having a hard time coming up with a girls name I adore. There are a few I like, but if I chose one of those I would just be settling on it for the sake of letting go of this seemingly never-ending search. I've looked at every name that's posted in the top 1000 for girls in the past 129 years as well as others. Nothing seems like THE one. My absolute favorite girls name is my own name (I'm posting under a pseudonym), but I'd like to give my daughter her own special name. Also, my name is starting to get popular, and I prefer more rare names.

What to do? Go with a name I like but don't love? Other places to look for names? Is this name fatigue? Name my daughter after myself when I had no intention of doing so?
Thanks for your insights.

Make a list of names you like, and we could see if the posters could come up with something. They often do!

deirdre wrote:Is this name fatigue?

I like to think there is no such thing! But you may be overwhelming yourself. How long until you are due? You may be overlooking some serious contenders. I do a pretty good job of seeing the potential in more names than I naturally plan on - while I have my tastes generally carved out, and I do not have a baby on the way, just to be clear on it, I bet it is tough when you think of a name you like and then do the "what-abouts" and just never feel comfortable. My favorite name is Sara, but I have a good feeling I would pick something else, because there are so many good names that just appeal to me. When others are considering names and someone posts a pile of suggestions, I'm inclined to like names several and probably never thought of them in that light before. They start to sound melodic and attractive to use. When I used to make my own lists for fun, I would look at a single name in a book, quickly decide I didn't like it, and a few pages later, it would click. It would sound ok. I am open to accepting names that sound like a friend, sound like a successful person to me, even if on first sight, it seemed atrocious and full of negative associations or a harsh sound. Any name can sound gross if you say it wrong in your head or out loud, and almost any name can sound ideal and appealing if you just give it a chance.

I wish you good luck. Deirdre is a great name. I think you want to name your daughter her own name and let her be an individual, and I agree that is the right thing to do. I really like my own name a lot too. I don't have any suggestions for you now. I consider a name that's near to it might appeal to you more, but "almost Deirdre" might also feel like settling for a lesser substitute of the name you love most. Do you have any other qualifications? For instance, how much do you care how popular a name is or isn't? What types of names have appealed most to you in a neutral setting (such as offering advice to other moms or spectating some of the threads)?

What are some boys names you love? Would finding out the sex help or did you have your heart set on a surprise, or do you know you're having a girl after all, and your boys name list is a moot point? You have done a lot of research to come up with nothing, and I hope we can help you put it in perspective and come up with a golden idea.

My fave girls' names if I didn't have to worry about my last name or my husband's taste:
Ailsa
Alice
Annabel
Annika
Camille nn Cammie
Caroline nn Callie
Catherine nn Cate
Cecily nn Cessie
Daphne
Eliza
Eloise
Gemma
Georgia nn Georgie
Flora
Frances nn Francie
Hollis
Iris
Jacqueline nn Jackie
Josephine nn Josie
Lucy
Maeve
Matilda nn Tillie
Nora, could be a nn for Eleanor or Leonora
Ottilie nn Tillie
Penelope nn Nell
Phoebe
Rosalie nn Rosie
Rosemary nn Rosie
Susannah
Tessa
Veronica nn Vera
Vivian nn Vivi
Winifred nn Winnie

Sometimes, your favourite name can be your favourite name for years, and then when you have a baby, you choose something totally different, for all sorts of explained and unexplained reasons! It is complicated. I can only think of comparing it to liking hats on people, and thinking that they look wonderful, but I would never actually wear one myself because I have a big head and I look ridiculous.

You have your partner's choices to take into consideration for one thing (and men are often far more conventional than women when it comes to naming babies, and less adventurous), and while there is no such thing as name fatigue in the way you meant it (once a name fanatic, always a name fanatic, in my experience), one CAN get tired or bored of a particular name, or start to see names in a different light.

There is no use fretting too much. Use Nameberry as a sounding board - there are loads of helpful and intelligent and interesting posters on the site, keen to help and share your dilemmas. When the time comes, you will know what to do.

Good luck
xxxxxxx

ps as a matter of curiosity, do you use a nom-de-plume to remain anonymous? or because you don't want every Thomasina, Richenda and Harriet using your first name and making it more popular?!

x

redridinghood wrote:

ps as a matter of curiosity, do you use a nom-de-plume to remain anonymous? or because you don't want every Thomasina, Richenda and Harriet using your first name and making it more popular?!

x

Hi, I signed up under a pseudonym simply because posting on a web site seems like a rather anonymous way to get advice, anyway ... and also a little bit to protect my real name, which I DO love! At the time it was bestowed on me, my name was quite rare for girls in the US. But it's a bit silly to be protective now, as it is hardly 'undiscovered' anymore. My 'nom de plume', Deirdre, is just the name I picked for this board. It is without any special significance for me, and I'm not considering it for my daughter.

I think part of my problem with girls' names is the fact that I really do love my own name. My parents really got it right! So I would feel like I were letting my own daughter down if I couldn't come up with another name for her that I liked equally.

karen wrote:

deirdre wrote:Is this name fatigue?

Do you have any other qualifications? For instance, how much do you care how popular a name is or isn't? What types of names have appealed most to you in a neutral setting (such as offering advice to other moms or spectating some of the threads)?

Here are a few of the sorts of qualities I am looking for in a name:

Generally, I prefer longer names (3 syllables), though I am open to a name of any length (one, two, or three syllables). Our last name is 3 syllables, so a really long name might be a bit much.

I would like the name to sound like someone intelligent and serious, but it doesn't have to be too heavy.

For this reason, I don't usually like most botanical names (at least for a first name). Naming a girl after a flower just seems a bit trivializing (But that's just me ...) I would have considered the name Viola, as it has other associations besides the flower, but our last name starts with a V, so it just doesn't work.

I would like the name to have a positive meaning. Meanings like "a person from Crete", or "mighty in battle", or "beautiful" don't appeal to me that much. (I would consider a name that means "beautiful"; it's just that, as I said, names with this sort of meaning don't strike me as all that serious.)

I don't usually like names with strong religious overtones, though I would have made an exception for Grace (since I think more of the meaning "grace in life" than "religious grace"), but this name is too popular. The religious aspects are what are making me second guess the name Bernadette.

I would like the name to have a cute nickname, but it shouldn't be the kind of nn I would give my dog (e.g., Fifi, Daisy).

Generally, I prefer names of English, Welsh, German, French, Greek, or Roman (Latin) origin, but this is not a hard and fast rule.

Generally, I prefer less popular (more rare) names, though I would accept a name of mid-range popularity (just not super-popular).

If a name is strongly associated with just one person, it's often a problem for me. For example, I used to like the name Camilla, but I just can't get away from Camilla Parker Bowles on that one.

I usually don't like place names. Without the place associations, I would like the names Adelaide and India, but the place associations kind of do those names in for me. (Adelaide is also done in by the fact that it is related to Heidi, and I have very negative personal associations with this name.)

I would like the name to strike a balance btw being elegant and being simple or straightforward enough to suit "the girl next door"

Well, those are a few of the things I am looking for in a name! Yes, I am probably too choosy!
I do appreciate any help I can get.

I would think that you would love Phoebe.
Also:
Calandra
Miranda
Paloma

susan wrote:I would think that you would love Phoebe.
Also:
Calandra
Miranda
Paloma

You are on target! Phoebe has been on and off of my short list. BUT .... there is the problem of a nickname. Perhaps this is the least of my worries, as no nn is needed, or one will emerge later spontaneously. More worrisome, is it's seemingly very strong association with the character on Friends. Not a bad character, but still just someone on TV. ??

Calandra I've also considered.
I don't think Miranda & Paloma would sound good with our last name, though they are nice. Thanks!

Do you like Arabella? Ophelia?

(PS you realise now that we are all trying to guess your real name, Deirdre). Why did you choose Deirdre? This is Irish, lady of the sorrows, and in the UK, rather synonymous with a character called Deirdre Barlow in "Coronation Street"!)