Would you use name that's already been picked by relative?

Hi, looking for a classic or vintage baby girl name to go with my two sons - James and Noah. I've always loved the name ELEANOR, but my husband has a close cousin - in which selected this name for their daughter. (She's 5 years old now). My husband's family & relatives are VERY close, i.e. all live in same area and see each other a lot, so he's a bit concerned to pick a name that's already amongst the relatives. Thoughts on this?

I also love NORA, but this feels way too close to Noah, so doesn't feel right. But reminds me of Eleanor. :)

PLEASE HELP with advice or OTHER NAME SUGGESTIONS that fall along the lines of classic, vintage, or biblical... but not too popular. Thanks!

Most people (here) would be or tend to be upset by a relative "stealing" their name, whether they choose it before you get a chance to use it, or "copy" it later - without asking if it's ok. The poll may say otherwise, but that's the general idea. People like to be original, and as long as Eleanor isn't a family name (like a grandmother) that you want to honor, it would be at least polite to ask first if the other parents mind. Also - if this is his cousin's daughter, she would have the same grandparents, yes? Possibly the same last name as yours also.

My mother has always been quite adamant about having a singular Karen in the family, for example. I kind of feel that way as well, but it's not a hard and fast rule. If we all have the same grandparents in common, then if there was a particular patriarch or matriarch of the family, I can see several cousins choosing it and it would be understood. Just because you have children first doesn't mean you own all the rights to their name - he's my grandpa too!

Your DH may have issues with it similar to my mom, and his cousin and their spouse may have no issue at all and even be flattered. If your DH does not agree to ask and flat out says no copies, then you have to compromise. If he says it wouldn't hurt to ask them, and they say no copies, you should respect that.

There's nothing wrong with copying the name as long as you go through the protocol of making sure everyone's cool with it first.

I think in some situations it would be okay if it was a cousin rather than a sibling's child, but if the family are so close and see one another all the time I personally wouldn't use it.

What about Evelyn? I always think of this as feeling so similar to Eleanor - it has the same structure and the same elegant, vintage feel.

Otherwise, what about another name that will give you Nora as a nn? I agree as a full name it's too close to Noah (I love your son's names, by the way) but I think it's fine if it's a nn.
Honor
Lenore
Annora
Sonora
Norene
Norma

Other names that remind me of the name Eleanor:
Eloise
Elodie
Elizabeth
Elaina
Emilia
Josephine
Marion
Nadine
Cecilia
Arabella
Amelie
Camille

Good luck!

If it were a distant cousin that you never saw, I'd say go ahead if it doesn't feel awkward for you. But if its someone you see a lot, then no. Each family is different though, and in some families, it seems more acceptable to use the same name, especially if an important family name. I answered your poll that no, i would not use it, but had there been a choice for not using only if relative is close (although not necessarily sibling), I would have picked that instead. Good luck!

Thank you Karen for your feedback. Very helpful. Since this is his cousin's daughter, he and his cousin have the same grandparents. However, their kids would have different grandparents. My kids' grandparents would be my husband's parents, and her kids' grandparents would be her parents (i.e. my father-in-law's sister). Think I said that right??? Which would give these 2nd cousins different last names. But I agree... may be better to think of a variation from Eleanor or a different classic/older name all together. His family is way too sweet, so even if we did ask permission, I doubt they'd let us know if it really bothered them after all :)

On a side note, my husband (and his cousin's) grandma's name was Harriet Evelyn... Do like the suggestion of Evelyn, but not as much as Eleanor. Maybe it'll grow on me though??? :)

I said yes, though I definitely understand why you might not want to do it. Eleanor is a great name. It would be wise to gain your relative's opinion on your using the name, though. One advantage to a name like Eleanor is the many nickname choices, you could call your daughter one of many nicknames like:
Ella
Elle
Ellie
Lana
Nora (this one is borderline, though)
Nori (my favorite)

If you don't like nicknames, there's not much I can tell you besides go for it if you really love the name.

I strongly believe that you should give your child any name you wish.

If there is someone close to you that already has the name I would mention to them that I would be giving my child the same name because you love it so much.

I would expect them to take it as a compliment if you have been close to them, and if you are not close to them how dare they be offended. It would be pretty mean of them to throw a hissy fit.

C028448 wrote:Hi, looking for a classic or vintage baby girl name to go with my two sons - James and Noah. I've always loved the name ELEANOR, but my husband has a close cousin - in which selected this name for their daughter. (She's 5 years old now). My husband's family & relatives are VERY close, i.e. all live in same area and see each other a lot, so he's a bit concerned to pick a name that's already amongst the relatives. Thoughts on this?

I also love NORA, but this feels way too close to Noah, so doesn't feel right. But reminds me of Eleanor. :)

PLEASE HELP with advice or OTHER NAME SUGGESTIONS that fall along the lines of classic, vintage, or biblical... but not too popular. Thanks!

James and Noah are both Hebrew names, so I thought I'd select some E names of Hebrew origin. Noah isn't classic in the traditional sense (more Biblical), so I think many of these will go nicely:

Eden
Eliana
Eliora
Elisabeth
Eva
Eve

I also thought any of these Hebrew names would work well:

Abigail
Leora
Mariam
Rebecca
Sarah
Tabitha

I think it really depends on the situation. I had a cousin (whom I never really saw except for at family parties) and we were expecting at the same time. We had our son's name picked out (for months) when we found out she had her son (two weeks before me) and named him the name we picked. We decided we weren't going to change our minds. Though the name is Jacob, and being as popular as it is - and was at the time - we couldn't get mad - it's not like she "stole" the name.
It's weird how people are offended by someone else choosing the same name as their child. I got mad when my step-sister's best friend chose my daughter's name (Alanna) for her daughter. But in reality no one owns a name, and everyone has the right to name their child whatever they want.
If you want to save argument and animosity between you and your husband's cousin, you could always ask her if you could use the name.

I would probably choose a name already used by a relative, as long as it isn't a sibling of mine or my spouse's (which is the option I chose in my poll).

Here's my example.
I love the nickname Allie, and also adore the name Allison. But, I have a cousin named Allison and just didn't feel like I could ever use that name. On the other hand, I also have a cousin named Alex (not Alexander, just Alex), and for that reason I wasn't named Alexandra. Anyway, my absolute favorite boy's name is Alexander, and if I did have a boy named Alexander he would go by Lex. So, because the names are kind of different, I would use Alexander, but I wouldn't use Allison.
Yes, it's weird, I know. But oh well.