A blessing through tragedy...

What a day my family has had...

Last night my husband got a phone call from his great-aunt saying that his cousin had been killed in a car accident. I had met this man briefly 4.5 years ago at our wedding. My husband had been very close to him when they were growing up, but they had seen each other seldom since my husband moved away. My husband said that they were like brothers growing up, so this loss has been very very hard on him. His cousin had been a single dad to a 4 year old boy for the last 2.5 years. His wife had also passed away. Earlier today we got a call saying that we were listed as one of the guardians for his son - Henry. There are two other couples also listed as guardians. My husband and I talked about it, and I know that he really wants to father this child. It was just a feeling that we both had, even though I never met him - my husband did when he was an infant. So my husband is actually driving there now (didn't think he could get there faster by plane) to meet Henry, comfort his family and help with the arrangements. I am 8 months pregnant, and we really think (so does the doctor) that it is best that I stay here. I am just a mix of emotions! With the twins coming next month, Dorothy, and possibly a son?!?

I know this is a name site, but I have come to seen that you girls have had good advice. Has anyone had anything like this experience?

We won't know probably until Monday, who will have custody of Henry, my husband wants to talk to both sides of his family, first... But it looks like Dorothy may be a little sister! Henry and Dorothy sound like they could be brother and sister, right? What about an Eloise and Matilda with a Henry and Dorothy? I don't know Henry's mn yet.

I think we are all still in shock.

What a good man your husband is, what a lovely supportive wife you are and I am sure your DH will support you through this twist of fate that may mean you are parenting little Henry.

Relax and rest as much as possible because you will be suffering from shock. I hope that you have a solid, loving family member who can help you all, who can support you through this sad and emotional time.

My prayers will be with you, your husband and family.

Thank you Rollo. My sister is one of the sweetest people in the world and is coming tomorrow morning to stay with me until my husband gets back.

I tried sleeping earlier, but there really is no point, there is no way I am going to be able to sleep. I have been trying to do as much research as I can tonight to see if there are any similar cases out there to get some advice. I am really concerned about Henry, whether or not he ends up living with us - I think my husband and I just want whats best for him and to make sure that he will be ok. and Dottie. I mean, she has just gotten used to the idea of having two little baby sisters... we havent said anything to her of course yet, nor will we know how to... nor will she understand?

dotsmom it is natural that a million things are racing through your mind right now.

Your concern for little Henry is natural but you and your husband have given him the best gift possible - your love and support whether he becomes a brother to Dorothy and the twins or whether another loving family will love him and care for him I am sure that you will all be there for him.

I think that because your little girl has such loving and caring parents any hiccups along the way if Henry becomes a brother will be sorted out fairly and lovingly. My mother used to say live in day time compartments, and that is good advice because otherwise the big picture can be overwhelming.

If you can't sleep then get a nice cup of warm milk and sit on the lounge or the bed and rest for a while.

God Bless you, and it is wonderful to hear that your loving sister will be with you soon. Sending lots of hugs too.

This is such a tragedy -- I really feel for your husband's whole family -- and especially little Henry.

You and your husband seem like such generous, loving and selfless people. There will no doubt a lot of difficulties for you at this time and my thoughts are with you.

This happened to my mum's old school friend, Andrea. Andrea's best friend suddenly died a few years ago leaving behind a 15 year old son and Andrea was listed as guardian. Andrea was prepared to have the boy live with her family (she had 17 & 15 year old girls at the time) but as the boy lived so far away, it was decided that he should live with his grandparents so that he could stay in the same school (He very much wanted to be close to his friends, I should add).

This is obviously somewhat different, as that boy was only a few years away from legal adulthood, but I am sure that eventually the right solution for everyone (particularly Henry) will present itself. Whether that is becoming a part of your loving family, or living with someone else.

Best wishes xx

First, I want to say how sorry I am about the death of your husband's cousin. I know that this must be a really difficult time for his family. I think you are your husband are doing the right thing by even offering to stand up for this child.

Something similar to this happened to my step-aunt. She ended up adopting her 'daughter'/'niece' after her brother and sister-in-law died. Hailey was 3 when it happened and my step-aunt had two other children who were in high school. Hailey knows that she was adopted by her aunt, but still refers to her as her mother. I think that there was some transitioning problems in the beginning, but Hailey is now 13 and seems really well adjusted. Both of her cousins/brother/sister absolutely adore her.

I have no doubt that there will be a happy ending in this for everyone. :-)

And yes, Henry, Dorothy, Eloise and Matilda do sound like good names together. :-) Good luck and please update on what ends up happening. I wish you the best.

Just to add my sympathies and best wishes. What a tragedy, I really feel for you and especially for your husband, having lost a few close friends that way myself. I am sure that as he comes to terms with this it will mean the world to him having your support and Dottie and the new girls to make him smile.

I've never been in the same situation as you find yourselves, nor do I know anyone who has, so I can't be useful in giving advice, but as others have said, you do seem like a wonderfully loving family for little Henry to possibly join. If that is what is decided I am sure you'll embrace him as you would a son, and that warmth and support will see you through some inevitable bumps in the road. Poor little guy. It will mean so much to him to know he is wanted.

Good luck with everything, and try to rest! You need all your energy now.

I just wanted to express my sincere sympathy during this time. It has to be so difficult on everyone involved. I hope the family is able to be reasonable in the decision making for sweet Henry. Poor little guy must be devastated.

I don't have anyone close to me who has experienced this pain. However, I am a Therapeutic Foster Parent and my foster children have dealt with tremendous pain in their lives. Henry may "act out" in the beginning, have adjustment issues, and feel at a complete loss. Although he is quite young and may adapt pretty naturally with folks who love him deeply.

I pray that your husband arrives safely and the twins stay tucked inside during this sad time. Continue to try and rest. Hugs and prayers to all.

Just wanted you to know that I sympathize with your situation and will be praying for you and your family at this difficult time. Please take care of yourself and those twins as well as little Dottie. I pray for traveling mercies for your husband and comfort for his loss. I especially pray for this little boy Henry who needs a loving home at this sad time in his life. May the adults in his life decide on the best situation for his care and may they have infinite patience with his pain and grief. May blessing come from tragedy is my prayer.

I am so sorry for your loss. My condolences to you and your family. I am a foster/adoptive mom and while the situation isn't exactly the same, it is similar. My advice would just be to show him as much love as possible, while still setting appropriate boundaries for a child his age. He will probably test you to see what he can get away with so its important to be loving yet firm and consistent. His world has been turned upside down and one way to help him feel more secure is to establish routines as much as possible. You and your husband seem like kind and loving parents and I'm sure you'll do a wonderful job of raising him.

On a name note, I think his name goes wonderfully with your children and continues the literary theme - Henry Huggins by Beverly Cleary.

Blessings to you and your family. We will keep you in our prayers.