Things to consider when you're naming your adopted child.

[amberdaydream]

an infant is probably just going to stare at you if you tell it "your Brittany." It's not going to know what that means....

That won't last forever. One day they will know what it means, and you can't be certain that they'll like it or not.

I think putting their real name in the mn spot or using a nn would be acceptable, but to change the whole name without their permission - regardless of whether they are able to give it - would be inconsiderate.

[augusta_lee]

"If the child is older, I agree that they should be asked, but an infant is probably just going to stare at you if you tell it "your Brittany." It's not going to know what that means...."

Which is why we keep saying that the best thing to do is to wait until the infant becomes an adult to make any permanent decision about name change. We have been over this.

"So doesn't that mean changing a name if the name can lead to potential harm to the child?"

You're REALLY stretching here. Again, we live in a culture in which babies are named Bentley and Nevaeh and Chardonnay and Plum and Holiday and all sorts of crazy/awesome things. Playground culture is not what it was when we were growing up. Appellation Mountain has covered the myth of the picked-on name extensively.

"I mean what if the kid's name was Ding Bat. Perfectly fine Chinese name, but not perfectly fine for an American name"

Uhhh, I don't think either Ding or Bat are traditional Chinese names. And even if a child were named Ding Bat (and again, you are streeeetching here), why not nn them Atty, Inga, DeeDee, Babs, Dina, or DB?

"The child should come first and thus I think if the kid has an outrageous name, to save the child from humiliation, it's safe to change the name or move Ding Bat to the middle name spot."

Again, we are going in circles. These points have been addressed. Please read what has been written. Please read the article I linked. Please read First Mother and Adoptee Blogs. Read Appellation Mountain and You Can't Call It It. These are all straw men.

[thetxbelle]

@augusta_lee, I'm not sure who your comments are directed at, me or more than one person

@catloverd: I left out the word "choose" I do not think changing an infants name is a good idea, I think if they are nameless than you should happily pick whatever you want. If they are only 5 days old and have been named, even though they will have no memory of their name I strongly suggest keeping it and moving it to the middle.

[thetxbelle]

Even if their name was chewbacca? vespucci? Evol?

Catloverd, no, not even in this case, you can move it to the middle, you can somehow adapt it into a more acceptable name in their new culture if necessary. Do these names seem ridiculous? Yes but let the child decide whether or not they are to them and if they want to drop them later in life than so be it. I guarantee most adoptees will be happy that let the choice be there's because we have very little say in anything regarding our adoption.

[thetxbelle]

Im not sure what's going on in this thread, I read until page 2 and it doesnt make much sense so Im not going to add any replies, I offerd advice but ultimately it's up to adopting parents to make the decisions they think are best for their children. Hopefully their children will respect those decisions later.

[chloe_belle]

@august_lee i think you're being extremely judgmental and over the top. you act as if an adopted child has different rights, you name your birth children, why cant you name your adopted children? if they are too young to know their name i think changing it is perfectly fine, you don't naturally have an attachment to your name at 4 months old, don't be so over dramatic. my friend was adopted and her name was changed at 3 months, so far no negative effects. if your child is named "evil" you shouldnt have to call it that just because someone who gave it up for adoption named it that. in china a lot of babies in orphanages are given all the same name, its not necessarily important or meaningful. if you adopt a 4 year old named susie i think you should by all means continue to call it susie however.

[chloe_belle]

"If my kid comes to me at a reasonable decision-making age and brings up concerns about their name, I'll lay out their options and let them decide whether or not to change it. Again, removing a child's name without their consent, or with coerced consent, is different then letting them make the decision when they're old enough to do so."
REALLY? I find it VERY hard to believe that you would keep your chlds name Chewbacca. Be realistic. People who don't compromise when logical compromise is due bother me. You can change a childs name without completely erasing its past. And to the remark that you shouldnt remove a childs name without their consent. Oh, should we wait to name our children until they consent to their name too? Because I fail to see what the difference is. You seem to have a very negative view of adoptive parents.

[catloverd]

"If my kid comes to me at a reasonable decision-making age and brings up concerns about their name, I'll lay out their options and let them decide whether or not to change it. Again, removing a child's name without their consent, or with coerced consent, is different then letting them make the decision when they're old enough to do so."
REALLY? I find it VERY hard to believe that you would keep your chlds name Chewbacca. Be realistic. People who don't compromise when logical compromise is due bother me. You can change a childs name without completely erasing its past. And to the remark that you shouldnt remove a childs name without their consent. Oh, should we wait to name our children until they consent to their name too? Because I fail to see what the difference is. You seem to have a very negative view of adoptive parents.

I 100% agree with you!

[poppy528]

Im not sure what's going on in this thread, I read until page 2 and it doesnt make much sense

Agree. I was hoping this would be a nice discussion as we are considering adoption now. This thread is some kind of hodgepodge of earlier threads I don't know about... huh? It all seems kind of angry. I appreciate links to adoption resources and surrogacy resources but what on earth is all that? Maybe time to shut down?

Poppy

[thetxbelle]

Yeah I'll lock the thread and let someone start one if they want. Glad the resources helped.