Shower Rules

[kasie]

What rules/opinions does everybody have about showers? I have two friends that are pregnant, both with very different ideas of how things should be. I fall right in the middle. My first friend is pregnant with her 3rd child, which is her 2nd boy. She expects a full out shower. My 2nd friend is pregnant with her 2nd child, which is her 1st girl, and she refuses to allow anyone to throw her a shower because she has a child already.

What do you guys think?

[lucky lindy]

I really do not know, but I know that a lot of people have some strong feelings about it. I think that a full, blown out shower seems acceptable for a mom that is having their first of a different gender, or if there has been a nice gap (maybe 5+ years?) between babies.

There is certainly a difference between renting out a hall for a baby shower and having a baby festive luncheon. Everyone deserves to be celebrated in some way!

Also, from what I gather, people do not seem to have a problem skipping a baby shower, which it totally up to them, if they find a baby shower to be "inappropriate".

I got crap because I had my baby shower too early, but I didn't care, there was no way I was driving 6 hours by myself to see my family in the 3rd trimester of my pregnancy with twins. I could tell people were disappointed that they did not get to see me giant preggers... ha! I did look ridiculously large by the time that most people traditionally have their baby shower.

[lucystone]

It's incredibly bad taste to have a second shower, regardless of gender. You get one shower. If your second is a boy where the first was a girl, you don't get another shower to get all the "boy stuff". People will still give gifts, but you don't get the whole blowout again. If I was invited to someone's second shower, I definitely wouldn't go and probably wouldn't even get a gift at all.

[r_j]

I am not sure on what's proper, but I agree with lucystone.

I am not pregnant, but I am getting married in September. My boyfriend and I are around 30 years old and have our own house. For that reason, I told people no showers of any kind! I am not a young girl being given away. It just seemed silly. Just come to the wedding and have fun! Same type of concept I think.

[emiliaj]

I have 3 children and didn't ever have a baby shower. The idea of people turning up making a huge fuss and feeling like they should buy me a present for the baby... no way. Many friends chose to bring a card and a gift to the hospital after the babies arrived, which was appreciated. Do people give a birth gift as well as a shower gift? Australians are not really into the whole baby shower thing.

So for me, the idea of someone wanting a full on baby shower for a third child seems... let me think of a tactful word... greedy? and as if they seek the limelight. The idea of a few close GF going for a lunch out, yeah maybe. A full on shower? no.

emiliaj

[smash12]

I would say the lady having her third child is greedy to insist on another shower. The classy thing would be to decline when other people offer not force people to give you one.

I personally hate showers. I didn't want one with my first and certainly don't want one with any future children. Our church does them for every single baby although they turn into diaper showers rather than full on baby stuff. Nice idea but I still feel like you're asking other people to pay for you kids.

[catloverd]

Etiquette is very old fashioned and anything goes these days. Heck, pregnant women can throw their own showers! It's just what is convenient. I don't see a problem with having as many as 10 showers (1 for each kid) but keep in mind by the 3rd shower, I doubt there many people will show up.

I plan on throwing my own shower when I have a baby because I refuse to travel. I'm technically going to call it a "baby celebration" since I don't want people thinking they have to bring gifts. So maybe instead of a shower, you could do something like a celebration where you get together to celebrate the baby, but don't necessarily have to bring gifts.

[crunchymama]

Something I've seen some more "crunchy" types do is have a Mothers Blessing...where women get together and celebrate the upcoming birth, offer words of wisdom, share feminine power, etc. Sometimes everyone brings a stone or small bead and they make a necklace for the mom to wear during labor to remember all the amazing women in her life! Presents or no... it depends on the host and mom's preference.

I am not big on showers or parties in general where people feel obligated to get gifts, especially specific ones. I'd much rather have an intimate gathering with a few close friends who make me special desserts, freezer meals, something homemade, a diaper cover, something more personal. I do realize that the cost of having a baby is steep for #1, but I also personally feel that alot of the "stuff" we all feel so compelled to get for our baby is not necessary! I am hosting a baby shower for my sister in law next weekend. It's their first. I would not personally host a 'presents' shower for a friend/family member who was having #2+. However I would and plan to have a nice celebration party sorta along the lines of a Mother's Blessing as a listed above. I think they also call that a Blessing Way if you want to look it up.

For reference, I have 4 kids and I've never had a formal baby shower or bridal shower and we survived just fine. Though maybe that just means I have no friends or anyone who cares to give me one

[rin]

I didn't have a baby shower while I was pregnant with my son. In my mind it seemed as though having a baby shower was specifically asking people to go out and buy gifts for us, which felt very awkward.

In hindsight, I think it may have been nice to have had one, it wasn't until after he was born that I was invited to someone elses baby shower (I was the first to have a baby in my group of friends, I'm also the oldest of the siblings/cousins), and I definitely didn't feel as though she was having one just to get gifts. However, if it was a subsequent child, especially by the time it got to the 3rd, I think you should just give the shower thing a rest....The exception being if the lady was finally having a boy after having had 4 girls for example
. The pink frilly hand-me-downs just wouldn't do for a little dude!

[east93]

My mother had 2 showers, and three kids.

She had one with me, and then one for my brother.
The one for me happened while she was in university, and her friends did it. The one for my brother happened 6 years after me, and was thrown by another close friend who was also present at the first one.

I see nothing wrong with it. Her friends wanted to throw them, and they did. My mother never asked for it, or declined it.
If you have people in your life who want to throw a shower for every child you have, even if it's 7, then that's great. If not, then that's fine.

However, asking or demanding a shower after your 1st, or in general, is tasteless imo.