gender neutral names - your opinions?

[pepperingram]

Unisex names definitely come down to who you've heard the name on the most. I have an Auntie called Kelsey so I have grown up knowing it as a girls name. I also have an Auntie called Lesley, so these are both names I see as feminine. Whereas I know some people would see both of these names as masculine if they've known a male Kelsey and a male Lesley growing up. Its all about perception.

[shaymin2]

I am usually against gender neutral names. I like my children to have names whose gender is pretty obvious. That said, there are a few exceptions that I love, but I wouldn't use those particular names, personally.

[amenspanglish]

I'd like to vent but I also hope you berries can help, I was thinking of making a similar thread, but I was beaten to it.

I just loathe the term "gender neutral," and "unisex" referring to a name, as if using it would make my child "gender neutral" and have no sense of gender identity. Does that make sense? Yet I love so many names that could be used for a boy or a girl! It truly has to do with association I guess. I've seen girls named Harper, Carter, Colbie, Kamren, Kenzie, Kinley, Madisen, Avery, Kennedy and others. And I like their names on them! They seem to fit their personalities, but they are definitely girls. But I'm sure it would be the same if they were boys.. Growing up there were 2 Caseys in my class, one boy and one girl, and it seemed perfectly normal. Kids are very accepting about that kind of stuff.

I think half of our worries when choosing a name isn't how the kid will be accepted by his/her peers, but how we will be accepted by our peers when the name shows up with a cute picture on facebook and how others will read it. I find myself in this trap again and again. I'm not sure it's necessarily a bad thing, but I think it's important to recognize.

For example, my question for you lovely berries is, if I choose a name that can be used for either gender because I love the meaning, sounds and know girls with that name, will its gender neutrality be taken as a message that I don't want my daughter to embrace her feminism? And vice/versa for a boy?

And how come when a girl uses a "boy's name" it is forever off-limits to boys? It doesn't seem fair, to the parents who want to use the name for the boy, or for the parents of the girl who have angry mobs chasing them down because they "ruined" a name. Granted, I don't want to name my daughter George, John, or Richard. But if I did, would the name be lost forever to the girls?

Again, I hope this makes sense and that you can help! Thanks in advance! And thanks for making this thread.

[flamingpanda]

Ah in fact my grandfather is called Lesley. But I did know a woman growing up with that name too. I never remember thinking it was odd as a child, I just accepted it. That's the answer really isn't it?

amenspanglish - You make some really good points. I think what you say about our peers being the ones to judge is true. I personally couldn't care less what adults think, they really need to get a grip if it bothers them. But what did bother me was the suggestion that other children would judge. I think it's a fact of life we have to all accept that at some point our children will be made fun of by other children for some reason or another, I just don't want to think it's because of a silly decision I made about a name. I think that was why I made the post. It seems clear from the great replies so far though that names are all a matter of perception - like/dislike or male/female is all down to our personal experiences. Children have a much more limited experience to draw on and so are naturally more accepting. So I don't think I'll let it bother me too much from now on.

I think it's a lot to do with a modern view that girls can be as strong as boys and equality. So we naturally are giving women stronger names. But whilst we talk about the "modern man", really society still wants our boys to be butch and strong. So strong male names are given to girls, but there's not much to come back in return. I just dislike the attitude "you can't call your child that, it's a girls name!" It's not like anyone is trying to name their boy Mary-Sue here.

[lucystone]

I've never thought that any child with a unisex name has or will have gender identity issues. It's just a name. How you raise your child will much more significantly influence your child's perception of gender than any name you give her. In this day, with parents naming their children names like Street, Whizdom (real name!), Explorer, Bamboo, Neveah, Blue, and Bear, a name has less bearing on gender perception and identity than it did several decades ago.

As far as names that go from one gender to another, that's just time taking its toll on linguistics and onomastics. 100 years ago Ashley was exclusively a male name. Now it's split between the genders, and its various prominence depends on your geographic location. In previous generations names ending in "-son" referred to a man's family of origin, and thus they were almost exclusively male. Now, parents are looking for more unusual names because naming isn't just something you do to a baby, it's now considered an extension of the parents' personal expressions. Hence, Addison and Madison have started to shift segments as parents decide to name their children more "unique" names to express themselves through their children. Any name that's switched popular gender can usually always be used in its original form. Madison can still be a boys' name. Avery can still be a girl's name. The only issue you'll encounter is explaining it to people who may give you funny looks every once in a while.

[edenlyla13]

Where I live Kelsey is a girl name. I know three Kelsey's and they are all female. But that's just where I live, if it's different where you live, use it on a boy!

[cka]

As a male Chelsea I can offer some experience and insight into this from a male perspective. I think first and foremost there is a double standard when it comes to using boys names on girls compared with "girls" names on boys - I say "girls" names in the loosest sense. While some people will argue the origin of a name such as Madison, or Morgan or Evelyn, etc are male, most people today will see them as female names and that is the context, right or wrong in which we have to live. Second point is that I don't think what you name your child will lead to gender issues or "make them gay" (and yes I have heard that one said before). Third, there may be some comments/teasing, but in my experience a) adults tend to worry about this more than it really happens, b) you can't protect a child from all teasing, and if they don't tease on a first name then it could be the last name, or looks, habits, etc; some children end up getting teased, and it doesn't mean that a gender neutral named child will be the one to be teased. Fourth, the more you defy current covention re: a name though, the more you need to ask why you are doing it and be prepared to convey that to your child. They should grow up with a strong belief in their own name and that makes them less likely to be bullied anyway. If you choose a gender neutral name for a first name I'd go with a more conventional gender appropriate name for the second name to avoid some of the issues that can be caused. As an adult you can have some problems, such as needing to show ID more frequently, being called Mr or Miss, Mrs etc and not what you are, but obviously many women deal with this for a long time and the earth doesn't stop. In short, it may not be as conventional as some people go for, but it's not the all so terrible thing some people make it out to be either, it can just be an irritant sometimes for the one with the name. As an adult they can change their name, go by another name. Most people in my experience, including myself, even though they felt they would when younger end up not doing so and in part that is because our names becomes something we associate with and grow close to as a result. I can't imagine being another name now. I should also add, in the case of Kelsey, I think having an iconic actor a lot of people can identify with makes the name more identifiable as being a boy name too, than e.g. calling a boy Mary Margaret for instance.

[nat108]

@lucystone- Bamboo is my guilty pleasure boy name! Maybe I can use it as a middle name
And I do feel that some parents are very selfish in their name choices. It's all about showing how hip/trendy/unique they are. They aren't considering that this is a human being that will have to live with their "unique" taste. I say do whatever you want with the middle name but be serious about a child's first name

@ amenspanglish- my issue with girls taking boy names is that the boy has to deal with subtle and overt attacks against his masculinity for the rest of his life. Girls with boy names get little to no abuse.
Many of my favorite boy names were "stolen" by the girls- Ashley, Kelly, Shea, etc. I still want to use these names but I will have to give my son an undeniably male middle name to offset his "girl" first name. But thankfully I live in the South where these names are still used for boys in spite of girls taking them

[cka]

Many of my favorite boy names were "stolen" by the girls- Ashley, Kelly, Shea, etc. I still want to use these names but I will have to give my son an undeniably male middle name to offset his "girl" first name. But thankfully I live in the South where these names are still used for boys in spite of girls taking them

Girls didn't steal the names, parents of boys conceded them just because they became used by girls and they felt that this in some way undermined the masculinity of their sons. It is quite sad and ridiculous that they even thought that.

[amenspanglish]

Thank you berries! That does help me feel better.

Y'all are right, whether a name feels better for a girl or a boy has so much to do with association and experience. Just like likes and dislikes for a name. And, raising a child to love their name is also important.

Like I said, I don't plan on going as far as using a name that is known to be only masculine. I was just concerned about a few of my "unisex" favorites. But it looks like I shouldn't worry if I end up using them.

Again, thanks very much for your insight!