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  1. #6
    In my case, my husband and I told our family members when we were 12 weeks pregnant with our daughter and I would be hurt if one of my family members didn't tell me that she was pregnant, of course. In my opinion, your child is your mother's grandchild. She has the right to know about him/her.

    Labour is painful, but it's worth it! Honestly, I never want to experience that again. However, when I met my little sunshine lady for the first time after all that pain, the pain felt like nothing. Also, I just want to tell you that you should be open to both natural birth and c-section.

    All the best!
    Baby Ianthe is born!

  2. #8
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
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    USA
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    3,169
    Quote Originally Posted by luvserendipity View Post
    In my case, my husband and I told our family members when we were 12 weeks pregnant with our daughter and I would be hurt if one of my family members didn't tell me that she was pregnant, of course. In my opinion, your child is your mother's grandchild. She has the right to know about him/her.

    Labour is painful, but it's worth it! Honestly, I never want to experience that again. However, when I met my little sunshine lady for the first time after all that pain, the pain felt like nothing. Also, I just want to tell you that you should be open to both natural birth and c-section.

    All the best!
    Well I do plan to tell them, it's not like I'm going to show up with a 5 year old and be like "oh by the way I had a baby." I would just wait to prolong the drama of an obnoxious mom who would probably go on a shopping spree, which is why waiting to know the gender would be preferable before telling her so I don't end up with a lot of junk that I won't use.

    Also, as I mentioned, I do not have a good relationship with my mom and if I could, she would probably never know about the baby. I will never leave my baby alone with her and probably would be even more protective when the child is older. I don't want my child growing up around screaming and yelling (my mom has anger issues. All you have to do is say you don't like something and she'll explode. She spanked us as children, and it wasn't just once or twice, it was borderline abuse. She used the metal end of a fly swatter. She threatened to throw us out of the house. Then one thing I'll never forget though is when she shoved dad into the bathtub) I am probably one of the very few people out there who is happy just be away from home and DREADS going back because I know there will at least be one screaming incident. My fiance' is literally scared of my mom.

    I open to child birth, but I will defiantly have an epidural. There is no way I am going to suffer from the pain if I don't have to. Again, I have VERY low pain tolerance. As for the c-section, I don't think I will ever be open to that and that is something we plan on discussing with a doctor. I have a HUGE problem with the idea of being awake while I am being cut open. If I can be knocked out then I won't care if I have to have a c-section.
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  3. #10
    Join Date
    May 2011
    Posts
    845
    I have a very low pain threshold too, but I didn't take the epidural. One of the main reasons being because I hate hospitals and I knew I'd be discharged quicker if I didn't have one. A fear of hospitals is extremely common, so if hospitals aren't your thing, maybe you should research other pain relief options (I liked gas + air, and I've heard good thinks about diamorphine) so that you won't be stuck there if you don't want to be.

    As for the c-section, I've never had one but from what I've heard, even if you're awake, you don't feel pain, just tugging and pulling. A friend likened it to the feeling when given oral anaesthetic for a tooth filling. Sure, you can feel the dentist hacking away at your tooth. But it isn't uncomfortable or painful.

    Lastly, it seems you have a very poor relationship with your mother and I understand your reluctance to share your news with her. In this instance, I think you should tell her you're pregnant whenever you feel comfortable (whether that be 10 weeks or 30 weeks) and as I said before, give a very loose due date (End of Fall, Start of Summer etc) so that she won't know exactly when you'll be giving birth. If she happens to ask what hospital you'll be going to, I'd probably lie and tell her the wrong one. Giving birth can be stressful enough without having unwanted family members present.

    Best of luck no matter what you choose
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  4. #12
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    Posts
    1,186
    I can't add anything else to the main questions you asked. You got alot of great advice here.

    I wanted to add two additional things though.

    1. A miscarriage is a risk and it's a great risk in some cases. I can understand where you don't want people to feel sorry for you or treat you differently because of it. It is incredibly difficult to share that type of news with family. However, coming from someone who has gone through that, sometimes it's really nice to have family and friends for support. You need them to grieve with you. I do think it's perfectly fine to wait until the end of the first trimester though- many people do that.... but waiting anther month or two until you find out the gender might be stretching it.
    We lost a daughter at 16 weeks in December. It was a unique situation for many reasons. 1. 3 of my sister in laws were pregnant so I didn't want to upset them or make them feel they need to put their joy (all expecting #1) on hold because we were losing our baby. They all handled it very well though. 2. we wanted to wait until we were 12 weeks along to tell most people because it was #5 and we had twins that were less than a year old and the few people we told we less than supportive. So we waited to tell the masses. I started having some major complications around that time though so it never felt right to tell people. As a result, some of my closest friends found out I was pregnant and miscarrying the same day. I honestly felt that was much more awkward than if they would have known I was pregnant for a few months.


    2. I think your reason for not teling your exact due date is a bit dramatic. It is perfectly acceptable to tell family and friends you do NOT want them in the delivery room. Just because people know your due date doesn't give them an invite to the delivery. I am one of those people who prefers not to use a specific date just because I know babies rarely show up on that actual day and I like to think of the range of birthdays in my head! So usually I'd say mid-May or end of April something like that. If I didn't want someone at the delivery, even if it was someone very close like my mother, I'd just tell her I'm sorry but this is my choice. I'd invite her to come to the hospital waiting room or make sure she knew right away though so that she still felt included and that I valued her being there right away. I'd hope she would be respectful if I told her "no" to the actual labor room though. Parents and their adult children need to set boundaries and I know how hard those can be!
    Wife to one great guy
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    & 4 angels gone before us: Christian (7 wks), Amos (6 wks), Naomi (16.5 wks), & Hosanna (6 wks)

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  5. #14
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    Posts
    3,962
    This is a pretty strange way to go about things in my opinion. Having a miscarriage shouldn't be a dirt secret or something so I really don't understand why people even bother with the 'wait 3 months' thing. I told my immediate family and closest friends as soon as I found out. I understand that not everyone has the same point of view as me, but keeping a pregnancy a secret is a strange idea. Are you very young? Are you in a relationship that your family doesn't approve of? Do you have some type of condition that could cause your family to worry for you if you are pregnant?

    You know that you don't have to let anyone in the delivery room that you don't want to have there, right? You don't need to hide that you're in labor cause they can't just burst into the room. Do you have a very overbearing family?

    I think that most people tell whoever they're going to tell at 3 months.

    I do relate to not wanting anyone to see you in labor. My sister saw me in labor, but left well before it was time to push. Did it hurt, absolutely! The result was well worth the pain and the epidural really made it better. Just ask for it before you need it if you plan on getting it cause it takes them awhile to set up!

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