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March 10th, 2012 09:20 AM #6Senior Member
- Join Date
- Feb 2010
- Southeastern USA
I came across this post and it made me feel really sad. You say that you "have tried everything we can to punish Shephard and teach him that he must listen to those in authority over him." How does that sound to you, reading it back? I know you love your son and are trying to help him, but your approach does not sound very loving to me. You're having to come up with more and more severe punishments; where does it end?
Try to step back and look at the big picture, and think of your son becoming an adult. What do you really want for him in the long run? Is it really that he will "listen to those in authority over him?" Because pretty soon the voices of authority, in his world, will not only include you and teachers, but also the popular kids at school, celebrities in the news, TV... Perhaps a better goal would be that he can think for himself and make good choices because he wants to, and wants the positive consequences that result from them. Fear of punishment can be a powerful motivator for a young child, but ultimately I think that forcing a child to 'be good' that way is a losing battle. Good luck to you.
March 10th, 2012 12:13 PM #8Senior Member
- Join Date
- Jul 2010
Kenzi. I'm very confused by your questions. If Shephard was your first or second child and you were just struggling with implementing discipline in your home, I could understand. However, if discipline is such a big deal in your home... having 10 children at home (the oldest being 16)...that means you've had 16 years to work on a discipline system and "house rules." I am in no way denying that each child is an individual or that children don't go through periods of sibling rivalry or other concerns that make them act out. That's not it at all. I just feel that you and your husband (and other children) should be acting as examples of the kind of behavior you expect in your family. You should alreayd have a full "discipline system" in place where you aren't grasping for ideas of what new, cruel punishments to add. Discipline, as you know, is more about training, correcting, and modeling behaviors... rahter than the act of punishment.
Shephard may have cognitive or other personality concerns that require a different approach to discipline, but it sound as if he doesn't even understand what is expected of him if he's acting out this much. Instead of punishing him in such a wide variety of UNRELATED things.... please just sit down and tell him what you expect of him, why this is expected and how everyone in the family must obey mom and dad (and teachers in a school setting, babysitters, grandparents), and then explain the consequences for disobeying. The next step is key .... Consistently follow-through on the consequences.
I will also repeat that you need to keep Shepard close to you for a while to watch him and teach him what you expect from him.
In a home where "discipline is a big deal" you must know that consistency and rules are key - as is a very predictible consequence for bad behavior.Wife to one great guy
Mama to six pretty ladies: Scarlett (12), Penelope (9), Alice (4), Fiona (4), Lucille (2) & Coraline (2)
& 4 angels gone before us: Christian (7 wks), Amos (6 wks), Naomi (16.5 wks), & Hosanna (6 wks)
~We fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.~
March 10th, 2012 12:47 PM #10
March 10th, 2012 02:36 PM #12
I'm getting a bit annoyed at this now, and more than very suspicious.
You claim to have 10 children, claim you have little time for all of them yet spend a lot of time asking ridiculous questions about parenting (in which you should really be an expert), claim you are having trouble with discipline but also claim you want another child. It doesn't fit together.
You also jump at every single chance you can get to tell people the names and ages of your kids, and the fact you have 10. And the pictures you have on your profile are plain weird and seem very thrown together. If I had children I would be reluctant to even share their first names online, never mind images of them.
I honestly think that you're a 14 year old girl dreaming of her future children and lifestyle. That's perfectly fine. But please stop pretending to have 10 children, and remove the pictures of random children from your profile before somebody reports you.
Please just be yourself, and you'll be respected.Emmett - Cathal - Eoghan - Baez - Wilfred - Rufus - Caspian - Hugh
Rosemary - Lettice - Maude - Cordelia - Billie - Fenella - Eilidh - Annabel
names for dreamy, sublime little darlings. the smell of springtime air, freckled knees, damp hair. Soft evening light and fiery hearts.
olivia, seventeen, film student. owner of fluffy black cat Shura!
March 10th, 2012 05:03 PM #14Senior Member
- Join Date
- May 2011
Edited my message. Never mind.
Last edited by lucykate219; March 10th, 2012 at 05:12 PM.Proud Mama to Two Perfect Little Ladies.
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