Big Families (4+ Kids!) How do you do it?

[poptart8]

We have 4 kids. Ages 13, 8, 5 and 10months.

Our baby still has her crib in our room. My 2 daughter (5 and 8) share a room, and my son has his own room. I have no issues with kids sharing rooms but my husband (an only child) thinks it is horrible and wants to add an addition onto the house and add 2 more rooms! I would want a 5th child but we have no room and are not considering moving as we love where we live.

We save $ by shopping for clothes at 2nd hand stores or buying at the end of a season sales in 1 size bigger for the next season. I always buy snowsuits the year before when they go on Clearance! Also they usually get outfits from relatives on birthdays/Christmas. And we pass down to our other kids if the clothes are still in good shape (this is a 50/50 chance!). I buy groceries depending what is on sale. I never pay full price for their favourite cereal/cookie. It has to be on sale!

My husband works full-time and I work from home running a dayhome (daycare). We cannot afford for me to be unemployed and I cannot bear to leave my kids. My 1st child was in daycare from 2months old until he went to kindergarten, so I missed all that time with him but I was young and needed to go to College so there was no choice. His IQ is in the genius level so daycare definetly didnt hurt him at all. I've been with my girls (3 of them) from birth! It does suck that I could only take 2 weeks off of work after they were born though. I couldnt leave the parents of the other kids I take care of hanging!

All my kids are registered in activities and this is a sore spot for us becasue it costs a LOT! My husband doesnt think they need to do so much. Soccer, dance, swimming, archery, camps! I love watching them score a goal or dance in a recital, or get a good archery score or pass a swimming level though! Plus they keep asking to do more! Yikes!

I'm a little nervous that we will have 3 in school next year. That is 3x the school fess, supplies, field trip costs, lunches to pack, etc!! At least our oldest will graduate the year our youngest starts! 12 year difference!

Finally I do not find it overwhelming or anyhting. I make it all work. I am a planner and if need be I ask my mom to pick one of the kids up from an activity or take to an appointment or whatever. She live very close to us and is happy to help out.

[marymom]

We're hoping to have 4, so I was really interested in what others had to say. Surprised a bit that all the moms seem to stay at home. (I would if I could.)

I agree with a pp - move to a low cost area if you can! We didn't, and home prices have sunk. We are stuck here for the long haul. We love the area and our jobs are here, so it's okay - just financially tough.

I am pregnant with our 2nd. My husband and I both work. And I can't see either of us not working. I plan to return to work 8 weeks after my 2nd is born. Two in day care will take most of my take home pay, but I do have benefits that I can't take for granted. To afford 4 kids will be a huge challenge. Day care will be the largest cost, so we are going to space them out a bit. After my 2nd is born, we plan to wait 3.5-4 years before having another, that way my oldest will be in 1st grade and won't require full time care.

We have a 3 bedroom house - more like 2 1/2 bedrooms really. The third bedroom is like a closet - it's got room for a bed and a dresser. Put anything else in it and you'll trip. So our kids will definitely share. My oldest is a girl and our 2nd will be a boy, but they will share for a while, probably until a third comes along. If we have 2 and 2, then the boys will bunk in the tiny room. If we have 3 and 1, then my husband and I will give our bedroom to the three kids of one gender, take the second good bedroom for ourselves, and put the one child of the other gender in the closet of a bedroom.

My father grew up in a family of 7 in a two-bedroom apartment! So, even though my husband and I grew up with more, we know it is possible to do with less (space, things, money, etc.) We save by getting things for free or used. The town dump has great toys that people just throw away! Also websites like freecycle help us declutter our home and get things we need. You can't be afraid to ask for things. If you know families with children a little older than yours, then ask for hand-me-downs. Some people offer, but others don't think to so you have to ask.

We only have one so far, but we work hard at raising her to be well-mannered, respectful, and a contributing member of our family. (She's not even two, but she helps put her clothes away, wipes the table, and sweeps the kitchen floor.) Lots of websites, magazines, and library books have great tips on discipline etc. Read up! It helps.

Good luck.

[marymom]

[QUOTE=themama777;1387925]
How do you manage with lots of kids? You just do! I found that going from one child to 2 was harder than going from 2-3. As DH likes to say "it's only a 50% growth!" From what I've heard, going from 3-4, 4-5, etc is even easier. you already have a routine and you're already capable of handling the kids you have, so what's one more?

Just had to respond to this piece - I remember the Duggar family saying that 5 kids was the hardest. With 4 kids, they had one hand for each. Once they went to five, there weren't enough hands. And the kids were too little to really help out.

[raizel]

we have 7 children
1. parents working together, setting a positive relationship example is huge
2. teaching, guiding, supporting, correcting behavior early and having a few simple, understandable family rules is huge - "no person or property damage, listen for the purpose of understanding, aim for win-wins, act respectfully and respectably, take care of yourself, contribute to the group (chores), have fun together, be supportive of yourself and others" I like keeping "7 habits of highly effective teens' and similar books in bathroom as mental 'stimulation'
3. If we keep our 'mission' in mind of raising capable, self-supporting/responsible, balanced, understanding/connected, interactive, happy, motivated adults in the end, we know that the decisions we are making at any time are basically on track, regardless of what it 'looks like' to others. As parents we have to be 'egotistical' enough to believe we have a right to be in charge, set the rules, and guide, but humble enough to notice if we're off-track and hear 'how' it's all working for the individuals and the family together and be willing to acknowledge and adjust when needed.
4. The more children we have, 2 'styles of operating have helped tremendously: we make suggestions that engage them with each other (You are a great organizer, why don't you show your brother how you would organize his room, so then you both will have more time with each other to go out and play.) and we establish simple routines so that the basics operate more on autopilot (Everyone take 2 min to tidy your room & make your bed before you leave your bedroom in the morning; come to the breakfast table dressed and drop your dirty laundry at the machines on the way. )
5. saving money: we have the small older 40 mpg car that we use at every opportunity and the 'people mover' car that fits the family (old, paid for, and used when the small car won't do- vacations, camping, day trips.
We paid cash for the cars, cash for repairs. I make my own laundry soap - costs me $2/month instead of $70 (I had 4 children in under 3 yrs), I stopped buying formula before the babes were 1 yr old and fed them more 'real food'- mashed, cooked - whatever we were eating. Takeout food is rare b/c I know I can use up a low week groceries budget in one takeout meal for my family. I located the best 'food outlets' - our local bread factory has an outlet with a 3 for $1 rack- I stock up (a large freezer is a must). Breakfasts are often eggs and toast, french toast, pancakes(from the bulk pancake 'mix' from Walmart), or oatmeal (from scratch) and not higher cost cold cereals.

I have 6 stores I go to, in order of priority:
*the bread outlet (maybe 1x/mo or less) - 3 loaves for $1
*Walmart - for all my basic pantry supplies, frozen veggies and milk products (except cheese)
* Sam's or BJ's- for bulk yeast and other 'can't be beat' deals
*a local produce store - when I really need to keep to a low budget, they have a discount rack where I can get most all the vegetables for a week for 1/2 to 1/3 of the 'normal' price. $35 can buy a week's abundance of produce for 10 people and then I cook according to what I have, but at least I have plenty.
*my specialty food store- for foods I can't find anywhere else
*the local grocery store- for the few times I run out of something and I'm not ready to make the big trip to Walmart or Sam's Club
.
I have a list of staples I have to have in the house- baking supplies, pastas/rice/beans/lentils, tuna (Walmart), onions, potatoes; frig- fruits, applesauce, veggies for soup, salad, stir-fries, milk, cottage cheese, butter, etc. I make ice tea and lemonade- add sugar and water myself to taste. Also, drinking water (we have a cheap filter that makes it pallatable). I rarely buy juices or sodas (besides, the corn syrup is bad news, I think). I have a list of less expensive and delicious
'extender' meals. (For example, ground chicken costs less than 1/3 of what ground beef costs, so I buy it in bulk, use it for many different types of meals. I save and freeze any leftover meat drippings or soup bases and add them in to a meal if I think it will need better flavor. For meats I buy bulk, buy more when it's on sale and freeze, and I think ahead for special events like thanksgiving and birthdays and holidays. Cheese I buy bulk, mail order with my sister. Fish I buy in bulk/wholesale thru someone else who coordinates this a few times a year (especially before holidays) because their family eats a lot of fish.
5. My husband has a skill and I manage the business built around his skill, however, I have the ability to hire others with this skill, so if I had to, hopefully I would not be stuck. We work from home, I am very busy - I find I have to dedicate times to specific things - i.e. 8am to business start of day 8:30am to home/kids management 9am little kids activities 10 am teen school management (we homeschool) 11 am business management with an office assistant, etc. For myself, I do things like- before I walk downstairs in the morning, I check the kids bedrooms and provide a few minutes of 'cleanup direction and support' if necessary. Regular 'Couples' time is a must, and I make sure my kids respect that as important as well, instead of feeling that everything must always revolve around them.
I pick activities based on my energy level to cope. If I'm tired, I'll read kids a book, or just snuggle and talk. If I have energy, we'll go out and about.
I try to enjoy the blessings and relationships every day- I think on the other end of my life, I will feel much more fulfilled. And I am incredibly grateful to my husband for being my friend, my cohort and sharing the journey with me.

[jemama]

We want a big family, and I was just wondering how all you mommies (and daddies!) do it
-I am clueless to how *I* do it most days too, lol!

Do each of your kids have their own rooms?
-We moved this past fall and now, yes, for the most part they do. Seb, Linus and B all have their own rooms. Seb and Linus end up in each others beds 1/2 the time though, but B loves her "own space". Vio is in our bed and Wolfie is in a cosleeper right next to our bed. We do have another bedroom upstairs that is currently being used as a "big kids play area" (meaning, legos etc...its a place where once Wolfie gets older he probably will not be much he will have his own "little kids playroom" downstairs though, no worries) so we could convert that if need be. Before we moved here though, we lived in a small 3 bedroom house. I dont think each child *needs* their own room, but its nice when its available. We didnt use it as a deciding factor when having kids though.

What do you do to save money?
-Probably what most people do...buy on sale, hand me downs, 2nd hand stores etc. We dont have cable (do have netflix through the Wii) but my older 3 attend a private school so not sure about saving money there, lol. We do live fairly simple. I cook/bake a lot from scratch etc.

Do both parents work?
-I currently do not work outside the home, but over a year ago, DH thankfully landed an awesome job that pays very well with wonderful benefits so now he makes as much if not more than most couples we know who have 2 people working (not being braggy of course, ,just stating a fact ) . Granted it took a while for him to get there, so we did things "backwards" (had our first child at 23 then the others followed...Andy went back to school to get his masters and is currently working on another masters...so yeah, "backwards"!) but I am not worried about the financial future of our family or anything.

How do you manage with lots of kids?
-Not sure, ha! Just go with the flow, try to be relaxed and have fun I guess.

Do you ever feel outnumbered by your children?
-Not really. I mean, only when they are all sick or something and I have one kid throwing up and another who needs something to drink and its just me home...that sort of thing if that makes sense. The older 2 are very helpful and can shower, get dressed, make their own food if need be, follow directions etc. Linus too to a degree.

Please tell me all the great and gritty details of a big family!
-When I just had Seb, I couldnt imagine how families with more than 1 kid functioned, especially when he was a baby. But now, you just kind of learn and grow and get used to things...Adding another child last week wasnt easy persay, but, he just kind of fits right in and what not thus far Not sure what else...but we are finished with any more bio children. DH is getting snipped in a few months. We are open to adoption though and may pursue it in a few years given that DH and I are both relatively young and we do love our kids and our family.

[thefuturemrsb]

Not a mom but long time observer of my SO's family. When I met my SO they had just gone from 5 to 6 and when SO and I started dating his family had just gone from 6 to 7.
They live in a 5 "bedroom" house. It's really a three bedroom with a bonus room that was spilt into two seperate rooms. SO calls his room a large walk in closet but it's not quite that small. He can fit a desk, a twin sized bed and a smallish tv stand in there. The other four boys share bunk beds in the other have of the bonus room. Each one have their own dresser and shelf space for their stuff. The oldest girl has a loft bed and the younger has a toddler bed under it. The other room is a guest room and then his parents' room.
They eat a lot of convience food which is different than a lot of big families on here.

They have a lot of poptarts or easy grab and go foods for breakfast and then sandwhiches for lunch. Dinner is normally home made but there's at least one time a week that they eat out.

Both of his parents work. The boys are all in school for the entire day and his mom works at a day care so she gets free child care for the girls. His mom briefly (a year?) ran child care out of their house but keeping the house clean got to be too much and she stopped.

[km_dm]

We have three kids (5 year old twins & 3 year old) and I'm pregnant with our second set of twins. At the moment, the twins, both boys, share a room and our 3 year old has her own room. We are probably going to move all three of them to the big room upstairs (it's currently my husband's office, but he doesn't need such a big office) and have my husband's office be our 3 year old's old room. Then, we will have the boys' old room for the new twins. We do have a extra rooms (5 bedroom house not including the big upstairs room, so really 6 bedroom house), so it isn't really necessary for all three of them to share, but they all get along very well and I think it would be easier for all of us. My husband and I both work, but I'll be starting my maternity leave pretty soon. I enjoy working, but we would be fine if I didn't. My husband has a well-paying job with great benefits, so we have been talking about me taking time off work for a few years until the new twins are older (after them, we plan on being done having kids!). In terms of saving money: we barely ever eat out (usually only on vacation or for special occasions), plan out our meals ahead of time and shop accordingly, shop in bulk (Costco is great!). We also love thrift shopping! I guess we are pretty much just very careful with our money. I do feel outnumbered by our children at times, especially when it's just me taking care of them. However, they are my kids and so they do listen to me... we manage! I guess I can't really put it into words, it just all works out somehow. Who knows if I'll be saying that when we jump from three kids to five, though!

[flick]

We have 4 right now, we want between 5 - 6, so one or two more.

Do each of your kids have their own rooms? - Nope, even if we were able to, kids like being together and we think it teaches a lot of important lessons like sharing and problem solving. Bedrooms are for sleeping, everyone has their own bed - they have a few toys in their rooms, but that's really it, we don't do much more than sleeping in bedrooms, we encourage being out with the family instead of locked in bedrooms. ( I DO think that each child should have a special space of their own, but that certainly does not mean an entire room).

What do you do to save money? - We use coupons and we thrift almost everything. I would do this anyway because I LOVE thrifting and I love re-purposing items. I have also recently taken up sewing and have made some clothes for the kids already and I can see how economical it will be. We cook a lot, we don't pay to do family activities, we never buy new cars(save and buy outright so we never have a car payment), I also do a LOT of freebies offline, I rarely ever buy stuff like shampoo, I always have free stuff to try sitting around.

Do both parents work? -Right now, yes - I work full time and my fiance is a full time student and he works weekends. I'm going back to college when we can reasonably fit it in. We also bent over backwards to get jobs that accommodated the kids so we don't pay for childcare.

How do you manage with lots of kids? Do you ever feel outnumbered by your children? - You just do, I don't know how to explain it.

[greysongang]

I am mama to 5 under 7. It's certainly quite the experience.

Do each of your kids have their own rooms?
No, the twins share and the big girls share. Right now Cam sleeps in a crib in our room, even though technically he has his own room... When he's a little older we'll worry about that.

What do you do to save money?
We don't go out much. We buy a lot of the kids clothes at Wal-Mart, Target, or Consignment. Toys are plentiful, but only given at special occasions. Meals are planned monthly and I try to buy on sale. We live in a smaller house than people with fewer children do here, because it's more cost-effective (but as the kids get older, that will probably change).

Do both parents work?
Kind of. My husband works full-time as an Engineer. I work at a local dance studio, in the office (I often do it from home) and teach one class each in acrobatics and tap, along with a couple privates. I hold those when my daughters are in class, and i either have a babysitter, my husband is home, or some other arrangement can be made.

How do you manage with lots of kids?
A LOT of planning. I have excel sheets for our daily schedules, budgets, meal planning, EVERYTHING. Then, I hang them out on the wall. The girls all understand (for the most part) when they are expected to do things, and the consequences for not following that. Also, when I was pregnant for the 3rd time, My husband rearranged his work schedule a bit to be able to be here more. That is a big part of what works - he is in charge of the big girls entirely in the morning, which helps me out a lot.

Do you ever feel outnumbered by your children?
Honestly, Yes I do, everyday. It feels like I am crazy and in over my head SO MUCH. But I take a step back and appreciate Tori's bracelet for me, or how Molly cuddles up to me when she gets home from school, or some other really sweet thing the girls do. I think of how I am not alone in this - My husband and I are in it together. I think of how happy I am with my life, and where we are going, and the things we do for the girls and Cam. And it makes the tantrums, messiness, and stress all worth it.