Big Families (4+ Kids!) How do you do it?

[kibby]

We want a big family, and I was just wondering how all you mommies (and daddies!) do it, Do each of your kids have their own rooms? What do you do to save money? Do both parents work? How do you manage with lots of kids? Do you ever feel outnumbered by your children? Please tell me all the great and gritty details of a big family!

[chargemom]

We are expecting our third in 7 weeks. I was hoping there would be some good responses because I have the same question! I don't work and stay at home with the kids. We have a son with a lot of medical complications so our situation is far from typical. Hopefully some other mommas will have some good advice for you!

[crunchymama]

Hi,
We have 4 and are hoping to be blessed with more.

Do each of your kids have their own rooms? - We have a 5 BR house so yes, our kids each do all have their own room (DD1, DD2, twins, mom and dad, guest room). However, we live in a very affordable area. We've lived in large cities (actually in all 3 of 3 largest US cities- when we had 2 kids) and our kids did share a room then. So I understand that many areas don't have as many subdivisioned type neighborhoods and housing options differ in different parts of the country. We do not personally think having your own room is essential by any means. We encourage our children to love each other, share, and enjoy our family fellowship/time together...we are fortunate to be able to spread out now and get our own little "nook" if we need privacy, but I don't think any of us feel we need to get away or want to encourage that. Does that make sense? That's our thoughts on "their own rooms" from a parenting method/philosophy reason. From a strict practical standpoint - home is not just about space - it's about people and quality. Help them to make a portion of the bedroom their own. Get them their own dresser or desk or bookcase. When you really stop and think about it, you'd be suprised how cool a shared bedroom can be -- just take out some of the non-essentials like huge stuffed animal collections that no one plays with or tvs. Move the computer to a public space in the home.

What do you do to save money? - Some things I do are cook "whole" foods. Do my best to plan meals ahead so we can save money and eat more healthy. Prepared foods and frozen entrees are good for a quick dinner night, but their cost is so much higher than buying everything and preparing yourself. Same for takeout. We don't get takeout on a regular basis. We don't go out to restaurants. When we do, it's more special. We might even go out to a restaurant because there is a coupon (buy one get one) - or it might be to Ihop for breakfast for dinner. We try to save money on food and entertainment. However, we are not as frugal as many large families I know. We have cable and high speed internet and alot of "luxuries" like that. I guess it's where you put your priorities. We don't buy all brand new clothes every season. I make sure to keep clothes for hand me downs. We help other families in our church with our used clothing and in return, we get nice things from families with girls older than ours. We shop at thrift and consignment shops. Big savings and also fun to browse around. I know alot of large families buy ONLY at like the Salvation Army type stores, but that's not me. I'm a little too "trendy" for that. I need some new stuff! However for everyday clothes are just fine to buy gently worn...especially for kids who grow so much! It's just about setting a budget. The other big cost savings for our family is that we use cloth diapers, breastfeed, and make our own baby food. It's great not having to buy formula, diapers, or jarred baby food on a weekly basis. If I'm really ambititious, I would use the food processor for getting the babies food ready, but most of the time I just mash up whatever we're eating for them minutes before we sit down- there is no reason they need anything special.


Do both parents work? -- I am a stay at home mom. When we had 2, I was working and we paid so much money in childcare for a newborn and a toddler. I was always exhausted and really resented my life because my DH came home and would mostly get to relax while I still had to do a 2nd job as mom! I also really just wanted to be home with them. So we crunched some numbers and cut alot of expenses. We moved to a lower cost apartment, went down to 1 vehicle, and cut out entertainment/convenience foods. We made it work and as our family grows, we do have to stretch my DH's salary more and more, but we are blessed that he has a very good job and we are able to do that quite easily right now.


How do you manage with lots of kids? Do you ever feel outnumbered by your children? -- My DH works overnights a few times a week and usually about 80 hrs a week (and no, I'm not a slave driver! this is just the norm for his profession. he really has no choice to work less) - so I'm usually solo w/ the girls. I NEVER feel outnumbered by them. The thing to remember is that you are the parent. You are in charge and the kids have to know that. You are accountable for keeping some sort of schedule so you get things done on a daily basis so you have to have everyone going in the same direction. I'm not going to get into discipline here because I think that's kinda family-specific, but I have a real issue when parents let children run the home. Values and morals are learned at home and you have to teach them life skills. In life, you don't get your way all the time. You have to learn to function as a family and to us, that means everyone does chores, everyone eats together, if mom or dad says stop/no/come - you obey immediately, you share, etc. We've just established some basic family/house rules and mom and dad both consistently communicate those rules.

Please tell me all the great and gritty details of a big family! -- Keep it simple! Life is very overwhelming and so fast with all the technology nowadays. You have to set priorities and rules for your family. Sometimes you won't be able to keep up with every latest trend of gadget, but if that's not a priority, you won't get stressed out about it. It is hard to raise humble children when they are constantly bombarded with technology and peer pressures, but it can be done. You just have to teach these values at home so your child doesn't grow up being unhappy that they didn't get the $100 pair of jeans like all their friends. There are lots of great resources online for chore charts, homekeeping/cleaning checklists, meal planning, etc to keep mom organized.

[bornthisway.]

Do each of your kids have their own rooms? Homes with more than three or four bedrooms are just not common around here and if you do find one, it'll probably be expensive. We're not rich but we get by. We currently have four children in a 4-bedroom house. We have our room, the baby sleeps with us (temporarily), my older two boys share a room, and my daughter has her own room. The fourth bedroom is currently used as a playroom. If we decide to have more, depending on the gender of the child, we will probably change the room into a bedroom.

What do you do to save money? Hand-me-down clothing between the kids, don't eat out a lot, buy things on sale, etc.

Do both parents work? No, I stay home. It's been that way since the first one was born, we've always known I would be a SAHM until all of the children are in school full-time. We are lucky that my husband's job provides enough for us.

How do you manage with lots of kids? We just do. We're blessed that our children are fairly mellow and usually get along.

Do you ever feel outnumbered by your children? As in not being able to handle them while we're out in public? Not at all. With the right structure and guidance, I don't think it's generally too hard to keep control of them.

[joyfulmomto8]

I am currently pregnant with our tenth blessing (this will be our eighth biological child, and we have two precious adopted boys, one who has many medical issues and learning delays).

Do each of them have their own rooms? No. We live in a six bedroom home; Our two oldest (18 yo dd and a 15 yo son) have their own rooms, everyone else shares. (12, 10 and 6 yo girl share, 2 boys 4 share, and three baby girls, 23 months, 10 months and due in May ). Sharing a room isn't the end all for a child... but I do make sure that in said room each child has their OWN space, and a place to put their things. They need to know that even though they share common space, their personal things are respected.

What do you do to save money? Well, obviously I try to look for sales, cook a lot at home (not eat out too much), and small things like that. In our home I have to give most of the credit to my hubby. He was smart. Joined the Military very young, retired as an officer, and we now draw retirement and he has a good paying civilian job. Still we must be wise with how we spend, and with saving! Our cars are older and paid for. Hubby always says paid for is the best kinda car.

We save and pass down clothes when we can (usually baby clothes, I am from teh South and I LOVE hand smocked baby dresses, so we have lots of those taht are passed down!), but each of my children have their own personality, and I like them to have nice clothes (I really feel like, in a large family you are judged more harshly - like it or not it is what it is, so I try hard to be a good witness, and make sure the children look nice, and our home is kept up, it's part of the job!)... we just look for sales.

My children are not involved in every possible extra curricular activity... not only do I not have time for it, but I personally do not find it productive. They all take Piano or Violin, taht is a requirement until age 12 when they can decide if they want to continue. If they want to do more, they will talk it over with us. One takes dance, and one did horse rising lessons for years.. but we are not big into sports.....That is just what works best for our family, I am sure it is different in every family.. Our afternoons are scared tiem, I miss the older ones who have been at school, and I don't want to spend my time running around to activities.

Do both parents work? No. Not only would it cost me more in daycare fees to work than I would get paid, I am just opposed to it (for our family), as is my hubby. We feel my God given job is to be home raising my children.

How do you manage with lots of kids? Well, honestly I find as we have gone a long things have gotten easier. Honestly there were times with three children I felt more stressed out than with nine! How is that possible?, well.. b/c you learn that things have to be run a certain way. I run the house on a schedule, I plan ahead, I work hard to keep things neat and organized, I declutter..and I have grown in patience. I know we will have bad days & sick days, & busy days, and when they arrive (b/c of my scheduling and OCD, LOL!) I can allow for them, without much concern.

Most importantly while all of the kids help one another out, and help out with the household chores on general, I do not have my older ones taking over my babies (they help but they are not by any means stuck with them). These are my children not my children's children. I want them all to grow up enjoying life in a large family, not detesting it b/c they had to do all the work. Most of the time I find this is the case. We rarley have other children over to play, b/c my children for the most part enjoy playing with eachother, their is a very special bond between the siblings that is a beautiful thing to watch! Are there days my children whine and complain? Absolutely! I am sure this is the case for any family, large or small. Key here is team work, we all work together for the common goal.

Do you ever feel outnumbered by your children? Sure.... More when they all need attention of some kind. In public, no. Training in our house starts very early.... I would have this philosophy with one or 50 kids, lol!! I just don't like to see disrespectful, ill mannered children. Does that mean there is never a melt down of any kind in any of my children? no! They are children... what it does mean is I spend a lot of time instructing and teaching them, so when I have to correct them, they know why they are being corrected. There can not be discipline without instruction (at least that is what I believe ) We are not a homeschooling family (homeschooled in the past and I am a complete supporter of it, but we do what the Lord leads us to do, and for now, we live in a small town, and we are very happy with the schools) so, in the afternoon when 5 children come home needing help with homework and want to talk about their day... I can feel overwhelmed, but what I try to do is pull them aside one by one while they get their snack and go through each of their things.

Above all I am blessed with an amazing hubby. He truely loves his children, and from the time he comes home from work, he helps, he pitches in with whatever chores I need help with and spends time with the children. He tries to come early when he can if I need to go to an appt. Together we make it all work, but together... I could not do it by myself.
We wouldn't do it any differently. We love each and everyone of our children without measure. They are worth it all (even teh fact I can't drive that red corvette, LOL!!) We are a family of faith, and know that our children is the only thing we will take with us. Material items, or treasures on Earth, will rot, but treasures for heaven are eternal.

[bornthisway.]

I also want to add that you shouldn't "plan" on a certain number of children. Just take them as they come and plan from there. You might find that you can only handle two children and decide to not want any more.

[roses]

Hi, We're a family of 8 kids - 15y, 8y, 6y, 3y, 1.5y triplets and 2w!

Do each of your kids have their own rooms? We live in a 4 bed house so no! My oldest has her own room (the study downstairs!). The others all share 2-3 per room, the baby is currently in our room but will move in with his brothers when he's a bit older. To be honest, I think it does a child a lot of good to have to share. They learn respect for each others spaces and to be considerate to one another.

What do you do to save money? All the standard stuff: home cooked meals - as babies the kids have always had whatever the rest if us were having mashed up rather than buying baby food. breastfeed (although we did combi feed with the triplets!): free and nutritious! Our kids don't do hundreds of activities - they all get to choose one within a certain price. We do hand me downs on clothes and I do also make a fair amount of the kids clothes myself - the rest come from sales/charity shops etc. We have board game evenings, a film and pizza evening (homemade of course!) etc. once a week instead of going out. We also walk everywhere if possible to save on petrol costs!

Do both parents work? I don't work mainly due to the costs of childcare - you will find that you couldn't get it if you wanted it with this many children: they just don't want to know!

How do you manage with lots of kids? Do you ever feel outnumbered by your children? We just do! I'm not going to say it's easy but everyone has their role to play in the family be that through helping each other, doing their chores, being pleasant to each other - we find an achievement chart is very motivating - they get an ink stamp on their column for completing tasks etc! Whoever has the most gets to choose the movie we watch on friday night. I've never felt outnumbered, we have strict rules about behaviour in the house as well as when out and about and woe betide anyone who steps over them!! That does make me sound like a tyrant but as some of the previous posters have said I believe children need rigid guidelines to grow up with regardless if there is one or 20. Yes we do get tantrums but I have no problem with disciplining them in public: you just get over the embarassment quite quickly and honestly I hardly ever have to simply because the kids know I will!

[themama777]

We have 3, ds-4, dd-will be 3 in May, and dd-will be 2 in a couple of weeks. They came to us separately through adoption so they are packed really close together and all really young, which seems to overwhelm onlookers haha!

Do each of your kids have their own rooms? Nope, and even if we had the extra bedrooms, we'd still double them up! I think it's good life experience to share a room-you learn to solve problems and live with someone else. Our girls share and our boy has his own room for now, but we're not done yet

What do you do to save money? Budget and plan! We very rarely eat out, and don't buy convenience foods. We have a garden in the summer, bake our own breads and baked goods from scratch, make and can spaghetti sauce and diced tomatoes, freeze other fresh produce from the garden for use in the winter. We buy a lot of organic produce and dairy products, so we aren't completely skimping. Health comes first in our food budget.

We almost never buy new clothes for ourselves, and clothe the kids with the local kid's resale shop and mom2mom sales

We don't have cable tv or smartphones, we make our own laundry soap and household cleaners. We moved from a more upscale town to a smaller nearby town where the taxes were wayyy less. Anywhere that we can cut back, we do, and then when we find a need for extra spending money, it's there!

Do both parents work? DH works, I stay at home. I always wanted to stay at home, and DH always wanted a stay at home wife.

How do you manage with lots of kids? You just do! I found that going from one child to 2 was harder than going from 2-3. As DH likes to say "it's only a 50% growth!" From what I've heard, going from 3-4, 4-5, etc is even easier. you already have a routine and you're already capable of handling the kids you have, so what's one more?

Do you ever feel outnumbered by your children? There are times in the grocery store where they are all running different directions, or when all of them are having a tantrum at the same time (with our almost 2 and almost 3 we're in multiple stages of terrible two's!) but I often find myself laughing in those moments. What else can you do? We waited so long to have this family, and we both always wanted big families. Even when it's miserable 3 way tantrums, I still find myself chuckling, I can't believe this is my life

Please tell me all the great and gritty details of a big family! It is always busy, always loud, always messy, and you will hear "wow, you have your hands full" at least once every time you leave the house. But it is so much fun!

[marymom]

[QUOTE=themama777;1387925]
How do you manage with lots of kids? You just do! I found that going from one child to 2 was harder than going from 2-3. As DH likes to say "it's only a 50% growth!" From what I've heard, going from 3-4, 4-5, etc is even easier. you already have a routine and you're already capable of handling the kids you have, so what's one more?

Just had to respond to this piece - I remember the Duggar family saying that 5 kids was the hardest. With 4 kids, they had one hand for each. Once they went to five, there weren't enough hands. And the kids were too little to really help out.

[mmljar1]

I won't answer this in full as it isn't directed at me (only 3 atm - but praying for more!) but I just wanted to add one thing that hasn't really been mentioned yet.

If you can then it is worth thinking and praying very carefully over where you decide to live.

We moved 1500kms prior to having our first child and I'm so glad that we did. We now live in a country town (pop. 3000) where housing and land is cheap (low mortgage, vegies/chickens etc). Low groceries and fuel bills really help the budget for a bigger family. The school is great and cheap and outside activities such as sports are generally low cost and suit the whole family. We don't worry about restaurants/movies etc as their aren't any but free activities such as fishing and camping abound.

Our family have a great - healthy, low stress lifestyle and I am able to be the SAHM I want to be. This choice isn't for everyone but I'm so glad that we made that decision to move from the city and would encourage everyone to at least think about it if they are considering having a larger family.