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  1. #11
    Join Date
    Aug 2011
    Posts
    281
    I definitely can identify with the ache of wanting (or even needing) to be a mom. Also, i have stopped worrying about what's the best month for a baby to be born and if I'd like a boy first or a girl or even caring whether or not i ever have at least one of each. When i imagine never having kids, it makes me feel so very empty and sad. Every once in a while, i will say to my husband that maybe we shouldn't have kids, just to see how that feels/sounds but it just seems so ridiculous to me to imagine never being a mom. I cry when shopping for baby gifts for friends or when i see one too many pregnant women at the mall!

  2. #13
    Join Date
    May 2011
    Posts
    845
    I'm not sure I should answer this, but I will anyway.
    My first child wasn't planned. I was 18 when she was born. I had said throughout my teenage years that should I accidentally get pregnant I'd put the baby up for adoption for sure, because I didn't feel in the slightest bit maternal.
    When I found out I was pregnant, I was shocked. So shocked I just sat there without speaking for 2 hours.

    But when I started thinking about my baby growing inside of me, a result of the love between my then boyfriend (now husband) and I, I knew I'd go to the end of the world to protect her, provide for her and love her. And I knew I wanted to keep her more than anything.

    Even though I didn't make the decision to have a baby voluntarily, when presented with the facts, I felt pain at the thought of giving her away. I wept at the suggestion of adoption from my parents. I fought against every stereotype out there so I could prove to our baby that the best place for her was with us. And I knew that if my DH didn't want her, that I wouldn't care. I'd raise her myself, I wanted her that bad.


    What I'm getting at is this. Imagine you found out 5 minutes ago that you're pregnant. Imagine that you don't have your own place, you don't have very much money and raising him or her might be hard. If you think you'd want to keep him or her, your ready. If not you need more time.

    Best of luck
    Last edited by lucykate219; February 21st, 2012 at 06:36 PM.
    Proud Mama to Two Perfect Little Ladies.
    Big Girl, 25.04.2007
    Small Girl, 06.09.2011


    Wanting to be Pregnant & Hoping for a 2013 Blessing.

    Alice Victoria Primrose | Annabella Sophie Faye
    Noah Gabriel Joseph | Zachary Roman James

    Vote on my name list here.


  3. #15
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Posts
    2,140
    One thing I know for sure is that even if you don't think you are ready, as soon as you have a baby you will look back and wonder what on Earth you did with your life before the baby.
    They are all comsuming- you life, money, time and heart. But you won't care!
    Phoebe Eliza Grace arrived after 2 Years of IVF

  4. #17
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Posts
    434
    Quote Originally Posted by kibby View Post
    Labmama - You pretty much just summed up how we feel, except, that I'm much younger. I am 23, and he is 27, we have been together for over 6 years, so we definitely have a stable relationship for kids. We don't have kids yet because we're both students, and also want to focus on that saving and being prepared and etc, we'd like to own a home first and so forth. Right now for me though, we are putting so much effort into saving, scrimping and studying that once we finally hit the place where we are ready to have kids, I feel that it's going to have been all work and no play, and I just don't know how much real 'play' is involved after you have kids. I am very well versed in childcare and what it's like to take care of children, so none of that worries me. I nanny 4 children, + pets, and have had them overnight for several nights at a time. So I know the sheer commitment one, or many kids take. We want to start TTCing when I am around 26/27, but right now that kind of scares me, as that will be only a year or two once I'm done school, and only just as our income is starting to reach what we'd like it to be. What about traveling and adventure and other types of things adults do before they have kids? I don't even know if I'm making sense though. It's just not a decision to take lightly, and definitely not one you can take back after a certain point.
    I have crazy baby fever sometimes, and I know that ache, and yearning, but it usually does happen when I'm feeling lonely or longing for a change, so I obviously haven't acted upon that yet!
    Starting much later than myself being 26/27 isn't too much of an option either, I'd like the time to have maybe 4 kids, and spaced 3-5 years, ideally 5, but since it's already been pushed back, that age gap will have to shrink And as you all know, health problems, infertility and etc increase as both parents age and we'd like to keep those risks as minimal as possible.
    Quote Originally Posted by ariannew View Post
    I found out I was pregnant with my first when I was 21. We had barely been married for a year (I got pregnant 11 months into our marriage) and I was NOT prepared for that. We weren't in a bad place financially, emotionally, etc, we just weren't "there" yet. But life happens the way it is supposed to, and as it turned out, I was super excited to have my first boy. I definitely think it is important to be true to yourself. You want to be a little bit selfish, like sillysheila said, and continue to do things that you love and take care of yourself. Giving up on those things is a quick way to ruin a relationship, because those little "selfish" things are usually the reason your SO fell in love with you.
    Anyway, I now have two boys that I love dearly, and I desperately want a third. Right now we are in a little bit of a tight spot, financially, and we can't afford a third baby, so we are waiting. I was ready almost immediately after my second baby was born to have a third. I really don't like big age gaps, so that was a motivating factor, but I also just really love being a mom. I love influencing a little person, watching them grow and change each day, and learn lessons. It is so rewarding. It is also exhausting, but so completely worth it.
    I knew I was ready for my second baby because I so desperately wanted him. My husband and I got pregnant with him the first month we tried, and I was so overwhelmed with excitement. I knew before I could take a test that I was pregnant, because I could just "feel" it. Also, my body reacts quickly to the doses of hormones you get, and I have heart palpitations, so that was a big clue right off the bat.
    Sorry. I digress. Back to knowing when you are ready... Like the PPs emphasized, there is no right or wrong age, or time, etc. You will feel it. You will realize that there is a person who is meant to be in your life soon, and you are ready for him/her.
    I also understand your concerns about travel, etc. I think that it is so much fun as a family to go traveling. Those things don't stop just because you have children. My 5 year anniversary is coming up this year, and we have been planning all along to go to Europe for our anniversary trip. We wouldn't take our boys with us. They need little vacations from mom and dad, too. I don't think our trip will happen this year, but my point is that life doesn't stop because you have children. It changes, certainly. But all your goals and everything are very worthwhile, but so is having children. Nothing will be perfect. There isn't ever a point when everything aligns perfectly and you realize it is now the perfect time to have children. If you are already feeling that yearning, maybe you will decide not to wait as long as you thought.
    I could go on and on and on about this particular topic, but I think when you are ready you will know. :-) Best of luck to you and your SO.

    Kibby, I feel almost exactly as you do. Even the ages are the same! I also have been working with kids and even though it's great experience, I just think, I wish I could earn money raising my own and they'd be, my own! I'm wondering if as a nanny we think that we have to be just like the parents of the kids that we work with, and take all this time for ourselves and buy expensive nice things for them, etc. I'm not saying you dont have to save up because I am doing that too, or that the parents of the kids you work for are necessarily like that. But i have been asking myself the same question. As soon as I pay off my college loans, I'm going to br trying to buy a house and have kids, and will I be in that same stress that I am in now? Hopefully my husband will have a real job by then, but this still has been bothering me as since we got married I have been earning more money than he does and when we have kids I wont be in that same position. And I want to travel too!

    What ariennew and other PPs said is very helpful. I feel like every day the time comes closer and those worries seem to diminish and I know everything will be okay. And it's comforting to know that we will still be able to do some selfish things after we have kids too. My parents drove us a lot of places and I dont know how they did it with 5 of us but I will be forever grateful for those family memories. And kids do love staying with Gma and Gpa once in a while! . I always look back on moms that I admire and how content they are with their lives. They recognize the full time job that being a parent is, but they take time to smell the roses and enjoy the moments with their kids and themselves. I know people who started while both were studying. Not my personal choice but I'm saying that it's possible and they dont reget it at all! And dont feel like you will be too old either! As a christian, I take comfort in praying and knowing that God will help me know when the time comes. I think he doesnt mind me having baby fever for a little while so I will appreciate being a mom just that much more. You will know when you are ready. Best of luck!
    Last edited by amenspanglish; February 27th, 2012 at 02:19 AM.
    Baby Hernández is due Nov. 22!!

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