Results 6 to 10 of 14
February 20th, 2012 02:31 PM #6
Labmama - You pretty much just summed up how we feel, except, that I'm much younger. I am 23, and he is 27, we have been together for over 6 years, so we definitely have a stable relationship for kids. We don't have kids yet because we're both students, and also want to focus on that saving and being prepared and etc, we'd like to own a home first and so forth. Right now for me though, we are putting so much effort into saving, scrimping and studying that once we finally hit the place where we are ready to have kids, I feel that it's going to have been all work and no play, and I just don't know how much real 'play' is involved after you have kids. I am very well versed in childcare and what it's like to take care of children, so none of that worries me. I nanny 4 children, + pets, and have had them overnight for several nights at a time. So I know the sheer commitment one, or many kids take. We want to start TTCing when I am around 26/27, but right now that kind of scares me, as that will be only a year or two once I'm done school, and only just as our income is starting to reach what we'd like it to be. What about traveling and adventure and other types of things adults do before they have kids? I don't even know if I'm making sense though. It's just not a decision to take lightly, and definitely not one you can take back after a certain point.
I have crazy baby fever sometimes, and I know that ache, and yearning, but it usually does happen when I'm feeling lonely or longing for a change, so I obviously haven't acted upon that yet!
Starting much later than myself being 26/27 isn't too much of an option either, I'd like the time to have maybe 4 kids, and spaced 3-5 years, ideally 5, but since it's already been pushed back, that age gap will have to shrink And as you all know, health problems, infertility and etc increase as both parents age and we'd like to keep those risks as minimal as possible.
Rough n Tumble
Evander 'Anders' Alcott - Thatcher William - Peregrine North - Dresden Alasdair
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February 20th, 2012 04:10 PM #8Senior Member
- Join Date
- Sep 2011
I found out I was pregnant with my first when I was 21. We had barely been married for a year (I got pregnant 11 months into our marriage) and I was NOT prepared for that. We weren't in a bad place financially, emotionally, etc, we just weren't "there" yet. But life happens the way it is supposed to, and as it turned out, I was super excited to have my first boy. I definitely think it is important to be true to yourself. You want to be a little bit selfish, like sillysheila said, and continue to do things that you love and take care of yourself. Giving up on those things is a quick way to ruin a relationship, because those little "selfish" things are usually the reason your SO fell in love with you.
Anyway, I now have two boys that I love dearly, and I desperately want a third. Right now we are in a little bit of a tight spot, financially, and we can't afford a third baby, so we are waiting. I was ready almost immediately after my second baby was born to have a third. I really don't like big age gaps, so that was a motivating factor, but I also just really love being a mom. I love influencing a little person, watching them grow and change each day, and learn lessons. It is so rewarding. It is also exhausting, but so completely worth it.
I knew I was ready for my second baby because I so desperately wanted him. My husband and I got pregnant with him the first month we tried, and I was so overwhelmed with excitement. I knew before I could take a test that I was pregnant, because I could just "feel" it. Also, my body reacts quickly to the doses of hormones you get, and I have heart palpitations, so that was a big clue right off the bat.
Sorry. I digress. Back to knowing when you are ready... Like the PPs emphasized, there is no right or wrong age, or time, etc. You will feel it. You will realize that there is a person who is meant to be in your life soon, and you are ready for him/her.
I also understand your concerns about travel, etc. I think that it is so much fun as a family to go traveling. Those things don't stop just because you have children. My 5 year anniversary is coming up this year, and we have been planning all along to go to Europe for our anniversary trip. We wouldn't take our boys with us. They need little vacations from mom and dad, too. I don't think our trip will happen this year, but my point is that life doesn't stop because you have children. It changes, certainly. But all your goals and everything are very worthwhile, but so is having children. Nothing will be perfect. There isn't ever a point when everything aligns perfectly and you realize it is now the perfect time to have children. If you are already feeling that yearning, maybe you will decide not to wait as long as you thought.
I could go on and on and on about this particular topic, but I think when you are ready you will know. :-) Best of luck to you and your SO.Proud mommy to Nicolas Alexander (5) and Ethan Scott (3) Hannah Jane (8 months)
Threw out the old list. Looking for a new one!
February 20th, 2012 11:29 PM #10Senior Member
- Join Date
- Dec 2011
The day I looked forward to having my own teenagers and not just having a baby. It was also when I cared less about names, gender and the number of children I would have. Wasn't over night, that's for sure but things gradually fell into place. If you think there are thins you still need to do, get out there and do them. I did
February 21st, 2012 02:57 AM #12
I don't have kids so I guess it's hard for me to answer. But I feel mostly ready right now. My FI and I have talked a lot about having kids and we both want one. However, there are a few things I'd like to do before we try. First, I'd really like for us to be married. Not because I feel like we have to be, but because I want to focus on the wedding right now without worrying about a baby. I just got a new job so I'm happy with my professional life. I'd like for my FI to get a job closer to home, and preferably with more pay if we can find it. Once those things happen, I think we will start trying!
I know where you're coming from though. There are times I like to go out downtown, travel, do things that would be hard to do with kids. But you don't have to fully give up all of those things. It takes a little more planning, but you can definitely still do things. A good example I have is my friends. She has an 8 year old from a previous relationship, and they just had a baby about 6 months ago. They both still work, though she is in school so she works very little at the moment. They still get to do things with their friends. They don't do as much as they might like to do, but their kids are their priority. I think this is the key to knowing you're ready - are you ok with going out with your friends less? Are you ok taking time off work for the kid? Are you ok buying diapers and baby food more than buying new shoes and clothes? I'm at the point in my life, and that's how I know I'm ready :-)
February 21st, 2012 03:41 AM #14
I have wanted a baby and to be a mom coming on ten years now but it's never been right ... until now. See I wanted a baby when I was in high school, but I knew I need to go to college. I graduated early and met my hubby there. Then we waited so that I could finish my grad program and get a job. Four years later we keeped waiting so that we could marry first. Then we waited until we bought a home (specifically in an area with good schools). Now we BOTH feel ready ... still have to wait since my pregnancy will be high risk. I've met with three specialists and a nutritionist (and even my dentist) to make sure I'm in tippy top shape for baby making. Next week we're actually trying. Yes, we haven't traveled the globe like we want to but thts okay with us. We're just ready.“And remember, my sentimental friend, that a heart is not judged by how much you love, but by how much you are loved by others.” L. Frank Baum, The Wizard of Oz